Struggling

[123xo321]

My boyfriend has been depressed for a long time
He’s lost a lot but I’ve helped him through everything
We’re supposed to be getting married
However, last month I noticed he was messaging other girls and one message was “I’ll always have love for you”
And obviously I got angry about it but I’ve sort of forgiven him
However, recently he keeps saying he’s going to milk himself and if I tell his family or ring the police or do anything then his deaths on my hands. I feel so helpless :(
This has happened a few times now

He’s the grey

Christ. What a thundercunt. He's squirrelled away with another woman texting you abuse and you're still entertaining it. Even by engaging you're still allowing him to control you.

OP - the most important thing is: have you told your parents yet?

Tell your parents. Show them the texts.

Pack his shit.

Tell his family to come and collect.

Do freedom course online straight after that. It's free. It will ensure that you'll never allow anyone treat you like dirt again.

I've just seen your messages OP.

Please speak to your mum about this now. Show her the messages, explain what's going on and get her support to kick him out. If you were my daughter, I would pick him up by the scruff of the neck and drop kick him into next week for talking to you like that.

Start packing up his stuff and get rid off him.

*When he stayed out last night, he just said to me

“I had went out and bought lots of tablets but I didn’t take them because of you”*

'Sounds like you had a great evening with her, can you stay there again tonight/permanently?' would be my reply.

Omg seriously! He’s loving the attention.

If you fee strong enough I’d pack his stuff and take it to his family members and tel them it’s over between use and then stop contacting him because he’s clearly loving the attention you’re giving him. He doesn’t care how worried he’s making you it’s like an ego boost and he can get away with saying anything he wants because he’s ‘suicidal’. I know people sometimes genuinely are depressed and feel like they want to end their lives but IMO he’s taking you for a mug. He’s using what he knows will hurt you and what will regain the control over you and it’s by saying he’s going to kill himself and turning his phone off bla bla bla. And he will know you won’t breath a word to your family for fear of them thinking bad of him. He’s emotionally abusing you.

It’s really embarrassing what he’s doing to you, if you have genuine concerns about his mental state (as You will know him better than anyone on MN) then you need to ring the police and they can do a welfare check on him. I’d defiantly tell his mother as well because if anything was to happen, out of spite or a genuine attempt you’d be kicking yourself for not speaking out sooner and it’s a heavy burden to carry. My ex was exactly the same - reading that screenshot was like reading one of his messages. He not dead, just an arsehole.

Don't ever accept people talking to you like that, OP. You deserve so much better. Walk away from everyone who treats you in such a contemptible way. There are many people worthy of your time and affection. Save mental space and energy for them.

I’ve told my mum and dad now

God almighty, what a horrible individual.

Rinse and repeat: you are WAY better off out of this one, OP.

Box up his stuff, arrange a pick up time and make sure you're somewhere else when he comes around for it. Do not let him manipulate you back into any form of relationship/contact.

Life's too short to spend any time kowtowing to bellends like him.

Well done. Really bloody well done OP. I know you must wrestled with it. But you did it. That's brave.

Are they supportive?

It’s been a hard couple of weeks! Especially with Christmas and New Year.
Turns out, obviously I know he was messaging other girls
He told me he was going to work, then got on the bus (which I paid for) rode a few stops got off then came home once I was gone.
But he went in then middle of the night to meet someone for sex

He’s blamed me for the relationship failing
I’ve cancelled my wedding

I feel so stupid and I am so embarrassed 😭

Oh and he’s been slagging my family off to me too

Can I say thank you so much for your support. You have all helped me realise that this wasn’t an equal healthy relationship.
But I think in the long term it is the best thing I would have done.
My parents and helping me buy a house and be a proper adult and show that I am better off without him.

Thank you so much again

You had a narrow escape there. Do yourself a favour and read up on abusive men. Also have a good long think about why you accepted his behaviour and tried to fix him. You may benefit from some counselling to explore boundaries and what a healthy relationship looks like.

Most importantly stay single, don’t fall into another relationship quickly. Take some time to establish who you are, what you like, what is important to you, what you want out of life.

Good luck with your new start

I think I might!
I’m just taking this time for me!
I’m buying a house, going to the gym and doing a foundation degree!
So I’m completely concentrating on myself!

Thank you so much

Please completely split from him if you haven't already. If he threatens suicide, just call the police/ ambulance. You can do it from the loo or something so he doesn't know you're doing it. The police can trace his phone if he's somewhere else.

Wishing you a peaceful 2020 and life- you deserve it. xxx

I have
I’m completely free now!
Blocked off all social media

You can do so much better OP! Good luck for the future

Good news. While you're concentrating on getting yourself sorted why don't you take a look at the Freedom Programme course? It's free, confidential and they're a lovely supportive bunch who'll help you make sense of all this and avoid getting sucked in by anyone else like him.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk