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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Don't think I can stay any longer

62 replies

emmy29 · 21/08/2007 16:30

I've had so much advice from various friends and family that I don't know which way to turn.

I have been unhappy with my DH for a while. We have been together 10 years married for 4 and have four children together. Recently I met someone else who I really like. We just click and you don't meet many people like that in life. Anyway DH found out and life has been pretty much hell for the last 4 weeks.

In my heart I know I shouldn't stay but it is scary leaving. We are arguing constantly and I've told him twice that its over and each time he has overreacted and got really angry which has scared me. He knows that it will take time to sort things out if I am leaving i.e. finding somewhere for me and the kids to live. However the other night I'd had enough and said it was over and he threatened to throw me out as it is "his house". I refused and he said he was leaving I went to get something from the car and he locked me out so I had to smash the back door window to get in. I can't keep going on like this its not fair on the children.

To top it off today I was giving my second son a bath and when he took his clothes off he has a hand print bruise on his back. I asked him how it had happened and my eldest son said that Dad had hit him when I was at work on the weekend. I asked the details and he said that Daddy had hit him really hard on the back and around the head!! I am absolutely in shock. He's always had a bad temper with the kids, but I will not tolerate this. It has just made me want to leave even more.

The problem I've got is he thinks that he is not to blame at all for me wanting to leave he thinks all the blame is on this other man I like. But I would not leave if I wasn't unhappy. I wouldn't leave him for another guy as that's just stupid. I like this other guy but its just highlighted to me all the problems in our marriage and made me realise that we are just so different.

I feel so suffocated by him as he's taken to checking everything I say or do on the computer and checking my phone. He has absolutely no trust left and I cannot live with someone not giving me any tiny bit of privacy which he thinks is his right at the moment.

I'm just sooooooo tired of all the fighting

OP posts:

EscapeFrom · 23/08/2007 12:13

Why are you looking?

Why do you get the urge to check up on what your wife has been doing on the computer?

Why have you registered on Mumsnet and made your first post on a thread written by your wife? How did you know what she was writing if you weren't monitoring her computer use - and why are you monitoring her computer use?

Why do your older children think you have hit your four year old little boy around the head, and on the back hard enough to bruise him?

The things you are giving don't add up very well with the other things you are saying, I am afraid. You cannot have known about any 'accusations' your wife has made unless you were already checking up on her - so why were you checking up on her?

CountessDracula · 23/08/2007 12:15

I should think he needs to check up on his wife because she has been unfaithful to him

Understandable IMO

Batteredsausage · 23/08/2007 12:36

Would you check up first on someone that you had been with for ten years that you suspected might be cheating on you? Or would you just come out and say it and possibly lose their confidence, trust and respect for you??

Hurlyburly · 23/08/2007 12:44

We will never know the truth of this matter. This is probably best played out privately anyhow.

Whatever you two have been doing to one another, please protect your children and remove them from any source of harm.

Spink · 23/08/2007 12:45

So you want this relationship to work then, if you are worried about losing her trust & respect? Does she know you are on here right now, and what you are saying - and if so, what does she think about it? Surely what she thinks is more important than what a bunch of mners think about you.

Batteredsausage · 23/08/2007 12:55

Yes, I want my relationship to work I have 4 amazing children and a wife who I love very deeply.

If she knew (and she will probably read all of this anyway) she would probably think of it as an invasion on her privacy, which it probably is?

Thank you for listening, it has helped a great deal I think you are right I will leave it at that. BS

madamez · 24/08/2007 01:14

Countess Dracula: infidelity does NOT deserve breaches of privacy or physical assaults. People who refuse to allow their partners privacy find their relationships are doomed anyway.

MrsMarvel · 24/08/2007 01:29

I can't believe I'm reading this.

KerryMumbledore · 24/08/2007 01:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMarvel · 24/08/2007 01:53

This is too creepy for me.

barnstaple · 24/08/2007 01:56

I'm with you Mrs Marvel, poor Emmy29. This is just really horrible; and then hijacking the thread. It's very worrying. Emmy29 I hope you're alright?

MrsMarvel · 24/08/2007 02:04

I suppose all I can say is that a mother will protect her child at all costs and no-one will get between them, however IT literate they are.

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