Am I being over sensitive to a silly group chat?

[Caffienated]

I'm starting to feel like a third wheel in a friendship with two others...

They're lovely friends who live close by and we do a lot together. But I find one of these friends (Friend A, a lovely lady, not a parent) spends an awful lot of time worshipping our other friend (Friend B, who is a fabulous lady and fellow mum), constantly commenting in person and in our group chat on her super mum abilities and for being the 'strongest person she knows'... Here I am sidling along in the background feeling increasingly deflated that I am apparently not strong, a super mum or generally worth mentioning as I juggle a 3 year old , pregnancy, have spent the last year working full time and studying for a qualification in a new career and basically doing the best I can. Do I continue to suck it up and ignore how this makes me feel, or subtly distance myself from the friendship (which I value immensely) or risk looking incredibly whiny and oversensitive by saying something?

My hormones must be playing havoc as I just want to cry at the increasingly frequent comments that focus on friend B and are completely oblivious to my own parenting/life balance struggles.

Is it possible A knows something about B that you don’t and makes a particular effort to compliment her while she thinks you’re more confident and don’t need it?

Has Friend B been through a particularly bad time lately or anything like that?

I think A wants to be 'bff's' with B. It happens a lot with groups of three, two become closer and learn one person out.

I'm not really sure what you do about it, maybe try and throw your net out a little further friends wise? Still keep these two, but put some time into making some new friends too.

Don't lose the friendship but maybe step back a bit?
Mute the group chat. Then only read it when YOU want to.
I'm in a big group chat and that's helped me immensely.

I can see both sides.

Option 1: Friend B is the queen bee ad friend A wants her to be her BFF. She's basically sucking up.

Option 2: For whatever reason, Friend A thinks that Friend B needs more support. Does Friend B regularly talk about how hard she finds things? Or moan about being bad/silly/etc?

If it's option 1, it may be better to get out now. If it's option 2, I'd say you need to accept that all friendships have different dynamics. eg in my friendship circle there are some people who like/want physical contact and others who don't. I am indifferent largely so adapt accordingly.

Interesting thoughts, thank you. Muting the group chat is a good idea. I think it's Friend A who may actually have some previous issues; she's older than both of us and has known Friend B's family for a long time. She has always been quite intense, I'm just finding it harder to deal with than normal. I'm out at work all week so they tend to have more opportunities to socialise. I worry sometimes that she feels left out too as Friend B and I both have young children, babysit for each other etc and she is perhaps over compensating but it's beginning to feel unhealthy for me.

I'd probably tongue in cheek (but not really) reply.
Hey there - Errrr... Helllooooo.... what about me? I am pregnant and have a toddler, I juggle full time work and studying to better myself. Do I not get a mention in all this?? #helloimoverhere #alsoneedaliftsometimes
I hate hashtags but they are good when you want to be PA!

Friend B is generally a very positive, level headed and down to earth person and doesn't negatively comment on herself at all. It's almost like Friend A has a a bit of a crush or huge admiration for her. I'm still quite new to the area so although I have other friendships, this is the closest one to my doorstep, as it were.

Really, don’t say anything. Friend B probably finds it a bit OTT too. Roll your eyes and then ignore.

You're right, I previously joked about being the third wheel but it was awkwardly ignored!

Next time she does it, comment:

“Get a room, you two.”

How long have you known them if you are new to the area? Is it possible they are just closer? You say B is very level headed, maybe A simply admires her for it?

Just super grin and say "aw, girl crush!"
She'll get it

I would ask her outright, face to face . "Why do you give Friend B so many compliments?" And wait to hear her answer. Take it from there.

She sounds awful .

I am part of two groups like this and I like being the third wheel.
I just dip in and out when I can really don’t mind if they meet without me.
Our lives aren’t that interesting that I’ll miss out, it’s easy catch up when I do see them.

I think you should see this as a positive thing as there is no pressure on you!!
You can relax and get on with your pregnancy while A ties herself in knots and B tolerates her

Just to clarify, Friend B doesn't really respond except to say gracefully say thanks. She moved in a wee bit before me and we gradually all became friends around the same time, although those 2 slightly before me. My husband notes at gatherings we have that Friend A is weirdly intense, especially towards Friend B! It's hard to distance from as we're neighbours, so it's kinda on my doorstep 🙈

Yeah, I’ve seen this a few times. To me it’s pretty much the female equivalent of weeing on things!

I’d see it as you are secure enough in your friendship with friend b that you don’t have to constantly go on at her. Just mute it when you need to

@whoops75

A good view to take, I like it! Once group chat is muted it needn't be so in my face either.

Thanks all. It's a silly thing to be so wound up over. It just irked me as it's always on my phone or outside my house. All my other friendships are nice and easy going, phew.

it sounds like you and B see each other separately from A sometimes so maybe wait for an opportunity to mention that A is quite intense, or to see if A has an opinion on her.

Friend A sounds desperately needy. I would try to ignore the sucking up stuff. In fact, I would try not to be embarrassed for her.

I suspect that friend A's behaviour may be a little embarrassing for friend B anyway. As long as friend B continues to value your friendship I would carry on as normal. I think that to raise it with either of them risks making you look a little needy and insecure. Continue to be the 'normal' friend.

I have this in a (slightly larger) group chat and it's noticeable across other social media as well. I range from being ok with it as I'm not naturally a gushy person, to getting quite upset about it from time to time when it is really obvious that I'm the least favoured party in the group.

But I do think, when I'm being rational about it, that the ones who are the gushiest are by far the neediest in the group.

God it sounds like you're dodging a bullet with A, tbh.

You have enough on your plate without having someone trying to grab at your attention all the time.

Give it a bit of time, meet some new people so this does not matter so much, their friendship may settle down.