My wife of 14 years - with who I have three children, including one with serious behavioral and learning issues - earlier this year began an affair with a man she met on a work trip abroad. It has been a difficult time for lots of reasons. Unknown to me at the time they spent the night together (although she insists nothing much happened at this point) and were then intensively in touch via messenger and whatsapp over many weeks. They subsequently had another weekend together where they had unprotected sex multiple times. After all this came out we were in turmoil but agreed to give things another go, on the basis she would cut all ties with the other man and focus on us. Anyway, despite starting off well I I recently found out they were still in touch with each other sending messages and pictures and although we're still officially giving things a go for a few months, I know they are still talking to each other most days. (This is very hard as things are actually good between us most of the time, we laugh together and have become quite close again, we're sleeping in the same bed, having sex regularly etc) So I have a horrible dilemma - do I ignore their liaisons and hope that it fizzles out, or give her an ultimatum and say all contact between them needs to cease or we split? The problem then becomes who moves out - do I ask her to leave as she's having the affair or do I leave? She's got little income so I will have to keep paying for the mortgage and everything else even if I leave, but it seems unfair I should go and lose my house and everything else. Any thoughts welcome...