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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

seducing a workaholic

36 replies

TurnAgainCat · 27/09/2004 13:28

What shall I do, girls? I was interested in someone whom I came across professionally, so I found out his email address and invited him to a big party I was having. Got a very polite and friendly refusal (going away that weekend) hoping we would meet soon. So, then I invited him to two more things, and he accepted both but then cancelled in the last minute because of work. Then I gave up, but went and did one of the activities we had planned to do by myself, and then sent him a sort of ner-ner-ner-ner email about how I had made time to do that activity in spite of work, and I would highly recommend it to him (but not inviting him). Then he emailed me within 5 mins to say he wanted to go, and please suggest another date. I was then too busy at work, so suggested he join some friends and me for an evening out planned in a few weeks' time. Then, he emailed me on a Sunday from work a few days before the event, and said he was terribly sorry but he could no longer make it because he suddenly had to go away with work, and told me where he was going, and apologised for being rude but said it was impossible to have a good social life with this job. By then, I was fed up, so I never replied. Then several weeks later, he sends me an email late in the evening (ie this is someone who is regularly at work late in the evenings and at weekends) saying guess what ("!!") that it turned out we were going to meet professionally the next day and he was looking forward to seeing me. Since then, we have been working on opposite sides of a piece of work, and we have both been very aggressive, although polite, and not spoken informally at all. Must confess that I was quite caught up in this very competitive mood, and there was something sexy about this conflict at work between a male and female. I also had the chance to see how he works, and he does everything in a laborious painstaking way, compared to me, who am very fast and efficient, because I have to run home, collect ds, cook dinner, and run my house every day. I read something in "Metro" last week that professionals earning over £50k are twice as likely to be single, take an average of 12 days to arrange a date, and are more fussy, and are statistically likely to stay single because they are working so hard. I am starting to think that he may really be disorganised and a workaholic, rather than just boring and useless and undersexed, and I really want to seduce him. I got an email circular today from one of the events that we were both supposedly interested in going to - shall I forward it to him and see if he wants to go and make it clear that this meeting is outside the professional work? Or is that demeaning?

OP posts:
MeanBean · 27/09/2004 13:34

TAC, why on earth do you want to go to all this trouble? Most men are only too willing to share their penis with you. In fact, that's the only thing some of them are willing to share.

Personally, I wouldn't bother, but then, I guess I'm lazy and one for an easy life. Do you just want to seduce him as a one-off, or do you envisage "seeing" him, afterwards? Because I suspect that it would be an extremely frustrating and irritating relationship, as he would constantly be putting meetings before a date - or a shag, for that matter. Sounds like far too much hard work.

carla · 27/09/2004 13:39

TAC, kick him into touch.

motherinferior · 27/09/2004 13:49

I'm inclined to agree with MB. Kind of depends whether you'd want a relationship with him or just a shag.

TurnAgainCat · 27/09/2004 13:56

I suppose the reason is lust and wanting to "win" the point now . More profoundly, having been single for so long, I am wondering whether one has to settle for "normal" rather than truly wonderful, and unfortunately in my social circles, most normal men are working like dogs and not making much space for fun in their lives. Unfortunately, the way he works is quite "normal" for our job, and I am a bit of an oddity. When I go out, I tend to meet people in a similar income group, because they can afford the things I do, and I always face this same issue, that I am competing with someone's job right from the outset, when he does not even know me or what fun things might lead to.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 27/09/2004 14:07

TAC, you sound like the sort of girl my BIL would like to meet, quite honestly

Twinkie · 27/09/2004 14:09

God if he lest you down all the time now and puts things off would you really want a relationship with him??

Tessiebear · 27/09/2004 14:13

The thing is - if you do make time for your date and end up liking him even more - how will you feel when he is constantly busy and you never get to see him for the second date - but now you REALLY like him and you will waste more time and energy thinking about someone whose lifestyle you cannot change? Does this sound like the voice of experience - it is All that said i would still try and get a date (heart always wins over head)

TurnAgainCat · 27/09/2004 14:16

I just want to seduce him for the time being ! Motherinferior, what does your message mean? I have reached the point where as soon as a new acquaintance finds out I am single and invariably says they had assumed I was married, I tell them that I have reached the point where all introductions are humbly received because it is so difficult to meet someone at this age with this job. Perhaps I should post a message on the Wanted thread

OP posts:
Kayleigh · 27/09/2004 14:24

Never took you for such a hussey, TurnAgainCat

motherinferior · 27/09/2004 14:34

Well, DP's brother is single, 30, and definitely looking for a high-powered woman...

TurnAgainCat · 27/09/2004 16:34

Kayleigh, hmmmm, perhaps that why no one ever gets the hint unless I spend months following him around . Hmmmm, motherinferior, however, please don't make me coldcall him. This has happened to me a few times - friend says her friend would love to meet me and she has told him all about me, and he's waiting for my call, I call him, and he has no clue who the hell I am but is so stunned that a strange woman is ringing him for a date that he agrees - no doubt in that split second before he can collect his thoughts and make excuses about work . However, shall I just go on my own to this event, which is only on this week, and I can only do Tues, Weds, or Fri, or make a shot in the dark and ask Mr Workaholic-who-needs-some-fun-in-his-life?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 27/09/2004 16:36

Oh go on, ask him.

sis · 27/09/2004 20:34

yeah, go on, ask him - you'll only wonder 'what if..' if you don't! Keep motherinferior's brother-in-law in mind too though!

WideWebWitch · 27/09/2004 21:00

Agree with meanbean, he doesn't sound worth the effort tbh. If you just want a shag, go for it but do you really think he'd be any good in bed? I dunno, just what you've said doesn't make him sound very sexy. Sod the income group, go for some depth? Call MI's BIL!

lulupop · 27/09/2004 21:33

getting quite caught up in this vicariously... do you mind me asking what your job is, TAC? Used to have a pretty hectic all hours type City job myself but never found it quite as impossible to fit dates in (though to be fair I didn't have a child to think of back then either!).

Hope when you pin him down he's worth all the effort - will you let us know?

TurnAgainCat · 28/09/2004 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TurnAgainCat · 05/10/2004 12:05

Well, you are always right. This person cancelled 2 hours before, yet again blaming work, describing the work problem, apologising and suggesting we meet another day, next week. He is so disorganised that I no longer want to, but don't want to be rude. I feel like replying that he is too disorganised even to have as a friend, but obviously I can't do that. Meanwhile, I went out at the weeekend and met a friend of a friend who is totally not the sort of person I would get involved with, but we fancied each other, and he wanted to see me this week, and agreed that he could make himself free at an inconvenient time for him that was convenient for me. He was totally freaked out that I have my contact details on a card, but took pains to find a pen and had to rip up a letter from the bottom of his bag in order to give me his number. So, he wanted me to call him, and I told him to call me, and he said he would, but has not. Shall I chase this one up, or let it drop? I can't see any future in it, but it might be fun.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 05/10/2004 12:59

Oh go on, give him a ring.

Will suss out BIL too!

coppertop · 05/10/2004 13:28

Give him a call, TAC.

Go on, go on, go on!

TurnAgainCat · 07/10/2004 12:25

Guess what? I am trapped in some kind of repetitive pattern of behaviour. I rang him last night and he apologised for not calling me and then started telling me how busy he was. I knew he had a professional job, but was taking a sabbatical to do another course, and he does not enjoy his job because it is boring and long hours, but now he says he is also doing a part-time second degree in the evenings on top of working, and is therefore very busy! He can't meet at the inconvenient time any more, but wanted to meet Friday or Sat evening, and so I said it was very short notice for babysitting but would try, then he said if I liked he could come round (!! totally not on, but let's forgive him because he has clearly never dated a single parent before), and then I said I already had a babysitter one evening next week for something else, and could meet him afterwards. Then he says he's very sorry for being rude and he will email or call me, and asks what is the best time for me to take a call. So, there you go, they are both too busy!

OP posts:
feezy · 07/10/2004 12:31

how do you know he is not married with kids ?

louee · 07/10/2004 12:50

oohhh this is a good thread keep us updated TAC!!!!!!

MeanBean · 07/10/2004 12:56

God, what hard work. In my day, men would drop everything and walk miles for the slim possibility of a shag. I've always suspected there's a gorgeous tart at the top of Mount Everest, I can't otherwise account for their enthusiasm for getting to the top... what is it with these modern men? I'm inclined to go along with feezy and suspect that he might be married with kids. That would account for his total inertia. Or maybe it's old age. Maybe men just can't be arsed once they get past a certain age (like myself!)

Empress · 07/10/2004 13:34

Enjoying this story! But IMO he's either a) not interested or b) not free. So either way he's a waste of effort. If a man wants to shag you, and knows it's mutual, he will find time/place if it kills him, in my experience! So if he doesnt the only conclusion is one of the above. Ta-da, dilemma solved!!

bundle · 07/10/2004 13:34

he sounds a bit weedy to me