AUBU - My husband went out last night and.....

[Northernlurker]

Came home at 5 am having had a fantastic time.

He was mildly intoxicated but hasn't vomited all over the house, wee'd in the corner or on the bed or crashed the car. I dropped him in town and he walked home.

He hasn't gambled our home away or spent money on lap dancers or drugs.

He sent me a couple of texts, through the evening and early hours, having ensured his phone was charged, so that I knew he was ok. I didn't explicitly ask him to do that btw but he knew he should.

He slept for a bit then has got up to fulfil his normal Saturday commitments and will be doing stuff around the house and cooking later.

AIBU to be shocked he has behaved in such a way?

Actually....

I'm not shocked, all of this is what I expect of him and he expects of me. He's not some ideal man, he has plenty of faults as do I but we are respectful and honest with each other. That's a fundamental.

I'm not posting this to be smug, it just really depresses me to read post after post on Saturdays and Sundays from women whose husbands and partners don't behave like this. Men who disappear and lie, leaving women and children frantic. Men who deceive or overindulge. Men who say they are going for a quick drink and reappear 14 or 20 hours later. Men who expect the world to service their hangover.

I wanted to post this to say that this is, I think, more like what's normal in a respectful relationship. If you are getting any less than this then you are being shortchanged. Do not accept it. It's not ok. There is no excuse to leave you frightened, deceived or stressed.

Please have a and then take a look at your life and try and think what you deserve out of the relationship. It's a lot more than you're getting.

Does he have a small chipolata though ?

No chipolatas permitted. He's doing SW. I on the other hand really enjoy an authentic sausage.
HTH

Would this behaviour be ok if he had a massive cock ?

I agree that it is depressing to see so many Sat and Sun threads from women shining a light on how shit men can treat the families they are supposed to cherish

Mn can be throughly depressing for making you realise just how many women still live in completely unacceptable service to a fucking leech and aren’t willing or able to do anything about it.

It never ceases to amaze me the behaviour that women tolerate.

There will be so many threads in the coming month about guys who don't come home or let their partner know where they are.......

It's so sad that kids are trapped in these dead end relationships... Dad behaves like shit and Mum lets him

@AnyFucker it was just a joke love

And then they go on and replicate the relationship you tried to hide from them because they aren’t actually stupid.

That’s what pushed me out of my last two relationships ‘if I saw my dd live like this in 20 years will I be proud of the example I set?’

Every Saturday morning I lie in bed and browse mumsnet,every Saturday morning I tell dp I'm just checking how many husbands did not come home last night. It is indeed depressing.

And these men are also always 'usually really good'
Well no they're not because a good person never ever treats somebody so badly

Two of my dear friends were in relationships with men like this.

I was always sympathetic to them but by the 3rd or 4th time they'd called me in tears saying that he'd not come home, I sent them this exact meme...

When I was a lot younger I had a boyfriend who played that trick on me once, I used the time to pack my stuff, left him and that was that.
I understand it's harder when there are kids involved, but it's still not ideal for the DC to see one half of their parents strolling in at stupid times, stinking of drink.

Any person reading this, you deserve much more.

It's weird, isn't it. My DH offered to run our DC to Sat morning classes, but I said I would do it as that leaves him doing wallpapering, which I hate. He said he'll definitely do it next week so I can have a lay in.

We share care of our DC. He used to share getting up at night and changing nappies. We share cooking and housework.

When he goes out for the night he arranges a room for the night if he won't want to drive home. Or I might offer to collect him. He texts occasionally. He might get a bit pissed, but never so much that he doesn't know where he is peeing.

I Don't think I could be with someone who offered less in a relationship.

Oh, if you can't see the pic attached it says;

Thanks but no thanks to a man that strolls in at crackhead times.
If I wanted someone who'd stay out all night, I'd get a fucking cat.

This indeed should be the norm and refreshing to read.

My dp likes to refer to it as "allmenarebastardsnet"

I did this a couple of times to my partner when I was younger - vanished on a night out/lost my phone/fell asleep in a bush. I had (have) real issues with alcohol and haven’t really gone out since having kids, certainly not had more than one drink. So on one hand I can see how it can happen, but I also think once you have children it’s time to sort yourself out.

I'm the one more likely to be out til 5am in our house!

The very important thing is if this happens to you regularly is, one day, not to be there when he gets back.

Many of the threads on here are depressing and you wonder why some men are so foul and some women so passive. That said, people don’t post on here when things are fine, so it’s a bit skewed. And some women genuinely want moral support and advice with a view to ending or altering the relationship, they’re not all weak by any means.

Well I couldn’t be stuck in a relationship where i wasn’t able to go and let my hair down every now and then, have as much to drink as I want, and where I felt like I had to keep checking in with my other half.

I would imagine there are plenty of people the same, men and women.

Sounds dull and would destroying to be honest.

Relationships should involve complete trust. If I want to to stay out all night and have a laugh with the boys I will and would quickly leave anyone who tried to stop me

Yeah, but would you let the person at home know, and still fulfill your commitments the following day? That's the kicker.

@prawnsword with that username, do you?

YY @Northernlurker.

DH went to a gig last night. Crept into bed at I don't know what time. Had apparently got home earlier but was a bit tiddly so slept on the sofa for a little while so he wasn't crashing about when he came into bed. Got up at a normal time, went and played football (as it's 'his' weekend morning; I get to sleep in tomorrow), we've all had a quiet afternoon and he's just made us dinner. And that's fine. He had fun, I had a quiet Friday night... and next time I want to go out, our roles will be reversed.

I'm constantly astonished at what women (both on MN and IRL) are prepared to put up with.

So this is slowly turning into a "women are ridiculous for putting up with this" thread.

Form an orderly queue for the victim blaming....

Not every woman had a strong sense of self. If you've been in a relationship with someone who gradually chips away, toy can lose your identity without even realising. If toy have spent years with someone, and have children, the thought of uprooting your life can seem impossible.

I admire the OPs sentiment, but can all the smug women who got it right and/ or have never experienced DV and think it's a personal failing, please fuck off and do some reflecting.

Do you really think that women who 'put up' with this sort of behaviour condone it? Or do they stay to protect their DC from unsupervised contact with the drunken parent, to avoid having to move into temporary accommodation or a refuge, avoiding potentially have to move far away and giving up their jobs? It's rarely as simple as just leaving.

@LittleTopic you’re the first person who actually got my username !

Not at all, and I apologise, I phrased that badly because as you pointed out there are a wide range of situations which have very different circumstances. It's the normalisation of it, I think I mean. In some circles it seems to be a 'boys will be boys' thing and not even considered that it's really disrespectful to your partner.