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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’ve lost everything

39 replies

Mickeylove84 · 23/11/2019 07:14

My husband’s walked out of my life and it’s destroyed me.
I feel like an amputee,
He’s moved on to someone else and has rented a house down the road and got a lodger. I moved to this city to be with him and I am an hour away from my close friends and family.
I’ve been fighting depression since my sister passed away last year from breast cancer and I know the grief changed me.
He originally moved out to give us space and he was adamant he still loved me.
He was always inviting me round, telling me how much he’s missed me and wants us to work it out
Move forward a month and he’s been seeing someone else.
All the time whilst messaging me, calling me when he’s had a drink and trying to come round.
Why is he doing this?
I want to take screenshots of our conversations to show to his new piece to wreck his relationship, but I know it’s me that looks crazy.
He’s walked out and taken my chance of becoming a mother with him
I’m so lost

OP posts:
marblesgoing · 23/11/2019 07:24

Op I'm so sorry to read this.

How long has he been living at the other place?

How old are you?

People can do awful things sometimes.
There are lots of lovely ladies on here who will see your post and offer additional support and help I'm sure.

Hand hold from me xx

Original poster
Mickeylove84 · 23/11/2019 07:59

I’m 35, he’s been living there 6 weeks, we’ve only been married 2.5 years and now he’s filing for divorce. I know it’s him being shrewd as his father’s in bad health, and he won’t want me gain from inheritance

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 23/11/2019 08:04

I am truly sorry for you Mickeylove. Your husband is being horrible.
Flowers

crystal1717 · 23/11/2019 08:05

Don't agree to the divorce. You dont have to. I think PP might not like this, but he cant force divorce. You can say no and stay married if it's re inheritance.
Try couples counselling and move on from this? His cheap fling with OW doesnt need to end everything if you dont let it.

katewhinesalot · 23/11/2019 08:11

It sounds as if he's done it the right way, in that he moved out before he found someone else. Unfortunately he has been cruel by giving you hope by seeing and messaging you. I presume the inheritance was driving him to do it sooner because he had doubts, but he wasn't actually sure. It sounds like now he's decided it was the right decision and he's moving on.

Hard for you to handle, especially given the loss of hope for children. Take time to grieve for the relationship. Things will seem better over time. Honestly it will. Heartbreak is always hard. Flowers

Original poster
Mickeylove84 · 23/11/2019 08:27

Thanks, I know you're all right. Everybody has the right to move on and I don't want to be unreasonable. My sisters death was traumatic and it put a strain on our short marriage.
He didn't make it easy as when looking after my sister, also my best friend, that he was just drinking whilst I was helping her.
I cut myself for feeling guilty about having her sedated before she died, and her protesting in distress. The neighbours called the police as he thought he'd hurt me and arrested him. I have never harmed myself before.
It's not about the money and I should just give him the divorce.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/11/2019 08:29

Sorry this has happened, op. Flowers

You do still have a window for having dc, women do have them in their early forties.

I'd think about moving back to your family and friends.

FaithInfinity · 23/11/2019 08:40

You may not have been entitled to that inheritance anyway. He’s a dick for messing you about, why is he messaging you if he’s moved on? Honestly I would do two things - firstly say any further communication needs to be through solicitors and block him, second, get some counselling. You’ve been through an awful time and you need to talk to someone impartial to help you process all of this. Long term I agree with category12 I think you should move back home.

Original poster
Mickeylove84 · 23/11/2019 08:53

I don't understand why he's messaging me tbh. That's the confusing thing, he was even talking about reconciling and starting again, I blocked him on 3 platforms. When I did meet with him at his insistence, he told me about her, wtf?
I gave him the marriage certificate and I just asked him to post it through my letterbox or to a neighbour as I'm staying with my dad at the weekend so I can see my friends. But he's just insisting to give it to me Monday morning when we're both off of work so I have to see him. I can't understand him

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 23/11/2019 08:57

I may be wrong here ,but I had a feeling you could still be entitled to a share of his inheritance ,if he gets it within 2 years of Divorce (Need to check with Solicitor).Anyway I think you are better off without him TBH !What kind of man does this?! I am so sorry about your Sister .please dont feel guilty ,as Sedation is the only way to help her she was distressed ,and the medical team would not want her to suffer at all.

Original poster
Mickeylove84 · 23/11/2019 09:04

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to reply. I just feel utterly humiliated and I'm ashamed to disclose the ugly stuff to friends and family

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 23/11/2019 09:06

He can't insist. He's not boss over you.

2kids2cats1me · 23/11/2019 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkbonbon · 23/11/2019 09:38

Try not to meet him again, sounds like he enjoys keeping you hanging on. It's an ego boost for him knowing two women want him.

Let's face it, you'd never feel safe to have kids with him after this now. You'd be too much in fear he'd ditch you again.

And you know now, that you didn't even know the real him. Who clearly, isn't very nice.

See about moving back closer to friends and family and have a word with a solicitor.

Ps: Also, on the off chance is your username about Mickey milcovitch? xD

Pinkbonbon · 23/11/2019 09:41

*your
Sorry, just up, rough xD

QuentinWinters · 23/11/2019 09:45

What grounds is he divorcing you on?
He sounds horrible, you might well feel better without him. Move back home, get solicitors advice, get a counsellor. Think about the divorce when YOU feel ready.

PolloDePrimavera · 23/11/2019 09:46

Maybe it's best you don't have children with him. As in the split would be far more complicated.
You've definitely not left it too late to have them so don't worry about that. You have no need to feel humiliated so don't tell yourself you do. And re your sister, I'm so very sorry but again, don't feel guilty about having her sedated, it sounds fairly reasonable to me. Good luck OP Thanks

PolloDePrimavera · 23/11/2019 09:47

I was thinking username was a reference to Pauline in the League of Gentlemen?!

Original poster
Mickeylove84 · 23/11/2019 09:52

Sadly yes! League of gentleman was our thing. He was Pauline ☹️. I realise he is a very insecure man, his weight and small chipolata saw to that. Although I reassured him when his friends said he was 'punching' He took great pleasure that she loved the show too. What a dick

OP posts:
fit4more · 23/11/2019 09:53

It’s not just as easy as him deciding to divorce you. If he thinks he can walk away just like that then he’s deluded. Do not sign or agree to anything or meet up with him again. He can post the certificate through your door. He no longer gets to tell you what to do. Stop responding to him. Go home and see family and friends. Make plans to move back permanently. Don’t tell him. What you do now is no longer his business. First thing you do is book to see a family divorce solicitor. Google one in your area or near your parents. Don’t do anything else until you’ve had some advice. Get their advice about the inheritance. You can and will get through this.

fit4more · 23/11/2019 09:57

Well if he’s got a small chipolata then you’re best off out of it. Be prepared that when the other woman gets bored of overweight insecure man with small penis (because let’s be fair who can be bothered with making effort with that!) then he’ll expect to come back to you. Say no. Know your worth. If he’s done it this time, he’ll do it again. It’s hard now but in 5 years time when you’ve got a lovely husband (with a decent sized sausage) and a baby on the way you’ll be so thankful you stood firm now. Then you’ll come back on here and tell us all how utterly wonderful your life is. Oh and never move away from family/friends for a guy ever again. If they want you, they move to you. If they won’t then they don’t get to have you. There are millions of guys in this world OP. Don’t settle for a shit one

fit4more · 23/11/2019 09:59

and final piece of advice is to book yourself some bereavement counselling. What happened to your sister is not your fault. None of it. You did your best in a fucking awful situation. Give yourself a break. Everybody on here supports you. Go home and confide in your family and friends warts and all. Don’t protect him.

duckling84 · 23/11/2019 10:04

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Can you move back to being near friends and family? You need support right now and if you've nothing other than 'h' keeping you in your town, then move away for a fresh start. Your only 35, you still have plenty of life in you (I'm 35 as well!).
And do not agree to the divorce if you dont feel ready yet. The pain is still very fresh, you dont have to sign, he doesn't control you and get to make all the decisions

Apileofballyhoo · 23/11/2019 10:06

Lucky escape for you OP. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. Flowers

whitebowls · 23/11/2019 10:10

Join House Talk on Facebook. The folks on there will help and advise you.