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Original poster

I think my boyfriend might be gay

43 replies

WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 03:47

I could really do with some advice!

My other half isn’t technically minded whatsoever so when there was a problem with his iPad he asked me to sort it out for him, I took his iPad home and got to work.
While I was on it he got a Grindr message. I have gay friends so I know what kind of app this is. I couldn’t help but delve a little deeper after this and I found numerous gay dating/hookup apps and some gay porn. He is refusing all types of contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been with him for 2 and a half years.

OP posts:
Shockers · 22/11/2019 03:53

He’s clearly gay. Tell him what you’ve found- he’ll probably be relieved, and you can move on with someone who desires you as well as loving you.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/11/2019 04:59

Guaranteed he'll say "I was just messing around/having a laugh" but he's gay.

Even if he tries to convince you he's not, he's cheated.

Original poster
WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 05:29

I’m just so confused, he’s never given off any signals that he’s gay, we still have a decent sex life and it’s just completely knocked me sideways! I’m not making excuses, the evidence is right there that he’s been up to what he’s been up to. I just have to hope that when we talk he’s open and honest as usually, that’s what he is!

OP posts:
Rachel438 · 22/11/2019 05:40

Perhaps he's bi?

Original poster
WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 05:50

I’ve thought this, if he’s bi it’s something I can totally handle. I guess it’ll all depend on whether he’s acted on these feelings or it’s just talking and porn. I’m trying to be open minded.

Huge weight lifted talking about this as we have a lot of mutual friends and I wouldn’t want to out him as it’s not my place to do that.

OP posts:
LotteLupin · 22/11/2019 06:14

What did you mean by 'he's refusing all types of contact with me'? I thought you meant physical, but then you said you have a good sex life?

He's definitely turned on by gay sex, if the porn is on there. Who knows how far he's taken it? Grindr is something of a give-away?

You need to talk to him about it. If he still honestly happily has sex with you, then may be bi-curious? But the contact with other gay guys looks like he's making it happen.

MarleneandBoycie · 22/11/2019 06:19

I will go against the grain here. Obviously he is attracted in some ways to men, and he is curious. But I think this actually points more to him being bi. There are plenty of men who have sex with other men but would consider themselves bi, not gay.

Pinkbonbon · 22/11/2019 06:28

I don't think him being bit would be a problem but lying to you about it these years and joining a hookup site...that's a problem. Grinder would be the deal breaker for me I'm afraid.

Pinkbonbon · 22/11/2019 06:29

*bi

NerrSnerr · 22/11/2019 06:38

It doesn't really matter if he's gay or bi, he's been messaging other people behind your back. He quite possibly has been shagging people behind your back. You need to get an STD check.

Mermaidsinthesand · 22/11/2019 06:48

They all sound curious, but why do they never think of the poor woman who they using for a cover?

Leave him, dont waste anymore time. Bi or gay hes everything but interested in you.

Original poster
WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 06:54

Refusing all types of contact as in rejecting my phone calls and ignoring my messages.
I’m trying not to make a decision until we’ve spoken.
Luckily I work at a hospital and an std test had already been sorted, just in case.
Trying to be hopeful but don’t want to be stupid/ a mug

OP posts:
Rachel438 · 22/11/2019 06:59

That's harsh - that he's ignoring you. Sad

It doesn't sound like you're the stupid one either. I would leave the ball in his court as it were, and not message him anymore.

666onmyhead · 22/11/2019 07:02

Sounds to me like you have lost a cheating boyfriend but gained an iPad . Win win I'd say .

Seriously though, return his belongings, ie iPad and anything else at yours and wish him well and move on. He's not the man for you . You have had a lucky escape.

AgentJohnson · 22/11/2019 07:04

I just have to hope that when we talk he’s open and honest as usually, that’s what he is!

He’s on Grinder ffs, his so called past honesty includes him concealing he’s on gay hook up sites. The very fact that he’s avoiding contact speaks volumes. His secrets out and he doesn’t respect you enough to own it.

His sexual proclivities isn’t the issue, the lies and general lack of respect for you, are!

Honeybee85 · 22/11/2019 07:05

I am so sorry for you, he sounds at least bisexual, possibly gay and you’re his cover.
Does it matter, though? He has cheated on you or intended to and it doesn’t matter if it is with girls from tinder or men from grinder. Run for the hills.
Be happy you aren’t married to him and move on with your life.

And please OP, get an STD test as soon as possible. Mention to your GP / STD clinic healthcare professional why you are checking for possible STD’s, you want to check everything.

I would be more worried about that then about this lying twat as he isnt worth any more of your time.

Good luck OP Flowers

NewNameGuy · 22/11/2019 07:07

Gay or not he's messaging people through dating apps, and now you've pulled him up on it he's ghosting you.

Cockadoodledooo · 22/11/2019 07:14

I'm guessing he wanted you to know but didn't know how to broach the subject, hence letting you take his ipad. You don't have to have any technical knowledge to realise notifications will pop up.
Crap that he's ignoring you now though.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/11/2019 07:23

Are you honestly just going to ignore the fact he's been on hook up sites if he says he's bi but 'I swear I was just looking and nothing ever happened'?

peachypetite · 22/11/2019 07:31

He’s cheating on you, how are you so calm about this?

BeanBag7 · 22/11/2019 07:37

It doesn't really matter if he's gay, bi or not, you have evidence that he's been using dating sites (of any kind) and that should be a deal breaker. Sorry OP but it looks like one way or another your relationship is over.

statetrooperstacey · 22/11/2019 07:50

He’s ignoring you because he’s panicking and trying to figure out a believable excuse/get his story straight. He will possible rope a friend in to claim he was using his iPad.

Timetobegood · 22/11/2019 07:54

Why is he ignoring you? Is it because he knows what you have found?

category12 · 22/11/2019 07:58

Sooo, if he was on Tinder and straight dating sites, would you be alright with him doing what he's been doing?

Original poster
WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 08:06

I’m not calm, trust me I’m not, my anxiety is through the roof!

No I’m not saying that if he’s bi it makes everything ok as I said before, the evidence of what he’s done is there clear as day, I meant that if he’d told me he was bi I’d have been ok with it, I worded it wrong.

I’m absolutely dreading this chat as no matter what, it has to happen because I need answers.

Ugh, this is all so messed up, my heads up my arse!

OP posts:
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