Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my boyfriend might be gay

43 replies

WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 03:47

I could really do with some advice!

My other half isn’t technically minded whatsoever so when there was a problem with his iPad he asked me to sort it out for him, I took his iPad home and got to work.
While I was on it he got a Grindr message. I have gay friends so I know what kind of app this is. I couldn’t help but delve a little deeper after this and I found numerous gay dating/hookup apps and some gay porn. He is refusing all types of contact with me and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been with him for 2 and a half years.

OP posts:
Original poster
WanderingWomble · 22/11/2019 08:06

And thank you everyone for your no bs answers, I appreciate it

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/11/2019 08:28

Ultimately does it matter op? If he was cheating on you with women, would your reaction still be the samE? It does come across like you're trying to excuse the cheating by rationalising it about men.

Bottom line is what we he is. Is isn't straight. Whether he is gay or bi is irrelevant past that.

The first priority is he's cheating on you. And now he's treating you like shit by trying to ghost you and block you because you found out.

His actual sexuality is simply a foot note. Because you know he's not a straight man.

purplepalace · 22/11/2019 08:31

Yes, he's gay.

Or maybe he's Bi (which you say you could accept)

Regardless of which he is, he's been on hookup sights behind your back - he is a cheater.

Run fur the hills.

Sushiroller · 22/11/2019 08:40

Male or female doesn't matter...

I'd be walking away pronto. You'd be a fool to stay he is a liar and a cheat.

KellyHall · 22/11/2019 08:49

Block him now, don't wait around for the dishonest, disrespectful idiot to contact you.

He doesn't deserve to be able to put you down and pick you back up as he chooses. And you deserve better than what he's done to you.

TheLumpiestSpacePrincess · 22/11/2019 08:52

The issue is grinder.

That's a gateway to cheating. Man or woman.

I'm bi and in a straight relationship. I only watch gay porn, it's just what I like to watch. Doesn't mean I'm not happy in my relationship with a man.

However in your case its gone way beyond what he watches in the privacy of his bedroom. This is cheating.

firewalkeruk · 22/11/2019 09:13

OP, I am really confused but your boyfriend gives you his iPad to work on knowing he receives grinder messages on it and has been viewing gay porn on it. Then he starts blanking you when you try to contact him?
He must have known you would find something which would lead to the assumption he is at least bi- curious.
How long has he been ignoring you?
As a man I don't think the porn thing is worrying, let's be honest men use porn, gay, straight or otherwise but using grinder is something I would regard as worrying.
It doesn't matter if he is gay, bi or bi-curious if you are in a committed relationship and he is having sex with other people that is infidelity.
If you can accept an own relationship, we'll that is your choice but he has to be honest as should you.
Please keep safe and do get the STD check and ask him to have one too. If he is being faithful then he shouldn't object to this and you both can breath easier knowing your both STD free.

user1479305498 · 22/11/2019 10:34

It’s not the fact he is clearly bi, it’s the fact he omitted to mention it and is after hookups. Cheating is cheating whether it’s with men or women.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/11/2019 11:09

Would you say the same thing if he had been on Tinder and hookup sites talking to women?

He's cheating on you, or attempting to cheat on you. Doesn't matter whether they are male or female.

Whoops75 · 22/11/2019 11:14

Run for the hills

My friend is going through a similar marriage break-up . Nearly 20 yrs of deception and lies all unraveling.
He essentially used her to have the family expected in his profession.

Don’t be her x

Original poster
WanderingWomble · 27/11/2019 05:07

Just to update I left him. I’m absolutely heartbroken. He admitted to talking to guys on it but never having the guts to meet them. I’m gonna get checked out just in case.

OP posts:
nespressowoo · 27/11/2019 05:18

You did the right thing Thanks

Mrsmummy90 · 27/11/2019 06:06

100% did the right thing. Even if he didn't meet them (which he probably did) the intent was there.
Sending you hugs xx

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/11/2019 09:12

Oh, the old 'i was just curious/chatting for an ego boost - I would never have gone through with it' line.

Pure bullshit. You are well rid, although it won't feel like it now, of course. Chin up, lass, chocolate and wine and you'll feel better soon.

Although I would have dumped him for being a technophobe -next bloke you find, make sure he can set an oven clock and troubleshoot an IPad!

Thatagain · 27/11/2019 13:43

He obviously knew what was on his ipad. He didn't need to tell you if he gave his ipad to you. He definitely is homosexual. I wouldn't wait for him to contact you as he might feel ashamed. If I was you I would forget about him and move on. You do not need to be living in a way that puts your body at risk. Good luck op.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/11/2019 13:48

He's cheating. Leave him

PhilomenaButterfly · 27/11/2019 13:51

Or bi? That's really not a nice way to deal with it though. If he wants to fuck around he should be single.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 27/11/2019 14:06

You definitely did the right thing leaving him. Hopefully you can both move on and find the right person for you

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread