PIL won't use my name

[Belfield]

My MIL, FIL And BIL never refer to me by my name instead calling me for eg. Mary. My name is not that complicated but they say this is easier. They are from abroad. I have told them that's not my name but they just scoffed. My DH says he has told them and is sick of saying it. Last night they were taking on Skype and I heard my pretend name several times. I said it to my DH but he just said he is sick of saying it and they will think he is awkward if it says it again. To me it is extreme disrespect to not use someone's name and my husband excuse is very weak and his behaviour is as bad as theres. I have again reiterated that it is extremely disrespectful but my DH just seem to get that.

Ignore them if they don't use your name. Or call them a different name and see how they like it.

Just stop responding until they get your name right

Your DH is being really feeble. He could perfectly easily say to them that it is highly disrespectful both to him and to you not to use the correct name, and he will not tolerate it. If they use your pretend name when talking to him, he should say "Who?" every time. If they will refuse to use it he should simply turn off Skype/put the phone down/walk away. They may laugh and claim he is being awkward, but ultimately they will respect him more for standing up to them.

How bizarre and utterly rude !!! Can they not pronounce it ?

I would have to explain that I would not wish to be in their company or Skype calls unless they show the respect you deserve.

They are being rude and your DH sounds pathetic.

Next time welcome them with a beaming smile whilst enthusiastically greeting them as Hilda, Bert and Fred!

Utterly rude!

My PIL have been doing this to me now for 8 years!! very time DH corrected them they said 'oh but xyz is a lovely name'. Yes but it's not mine!!

Mine is a name similar to my real one (think Julie and Julia - along those lines) but it's not accidental. Absolutely infuriating but after 8 years I have given up correcting them!

Call them Basil and Sybil until they get it.

Get a T shirt printed with your name on. Wear it for all Skype calls.
Call them variations of their names.
Or sounds like a genuine reasons to ignore them completely.
After all they aren't really speaking to you anyway!!

Do they call you a completely random name or a nickname linked to your actual name?

@GiveHerHellFromUs random, not in any way linked to my name. It's just a simple name because they can't be bothered to pronounce mine even though I pronounce theirs. Tbh they don't respect me in lots of matters and DH is more focused on pleasing them so I think they do it simply because they can. They call my son a variation of his name also i.e not the English version but rather the version from their country but my DH thinks this is fine.

They're incredibly rude. Call them Dave and Carol until they get it!

And ignore them each time they address you with your fake name

My MIL called me "That girl" for over a decade but at least she didn't make up a new name for me!

Yeah, you need to try this strategy
thesource.com/2016/01/03/heres-how-a-black-woman-got-back-at-a-white-co-worker-who-refused-to-learn-her-name/

Tbh they don't respect me in lots of matters and DH is more focused on pleasing them so I think they do it simply because they can.

Thought so. It’s just the tip of the iceberg.

List out all of the disrespectful things they have done to you.
Then list out how you have responded to them.
Then list out how your DH has dealt with them directly unprompted by you.
Then list out what your DH has done to deal with them when you have asked him to intervene.
Then note where DH stands on this - who is his priority (let me guess his own discomfort)

How does this make you feel?

What are your options?

1. Put up and shut up
2. Calling it out every time with clear consequences.
3. Putting in that consequence.

Your husband is every bit as disrespectful to you as his family is. Why you tolerate this is beyond me.

call them a different name

And don't respond when they don't use your correct name. Either they will ignore you or they'll start using your correct name. Either way is a win.

This is really frustrating and rude! But, in the interests of an easy life, just disengage and go in a different room (preferably with a large glass of wine) when they Skype.

What a clear aggressive way to let you know that ILs don't like you

The issue is your dh. Telling them to just drop it is not enough.

Your dh should be telling them to stop it. When they mention the wrong name, he should just tell them "i asked you to respect my wife and you are not. I will talk to you again when I am ready" and black hole all guilt trips and woe is me my son is ignoring me.

You and your children (if you have them) are off the table. No calls, no holidays, visits, presents, nothing.
Your dh deals with his parents as if you do not exist.

I'd be making up names for them too, something along the lines of shit head and fuck face and I'd be saying it to their face too and when they ask, tell them you thought you was making pet names up for each other since they call you XXX all the time rather than your actual name.

Rude idiotic twats.

Please call them by other names from now on.
And totally ignore them if they call you by the wrong name.
It's petty - yes, but I'd be doing it.
They are assholes and also they are making themselves look like idiots.
They can crack on and so can you.
From now on they are...
MIL = Bea
FIL = Bob
BIL = Bill
Job done! And easy to remember and pronounce!

That's so weird. They're obviously determined to piss you off, but why?!

I'd refuse to deal with them at all. They sound awful.

I think I am focusing too much on my PIL, in particular MIL, behaviour. This has been going on for fifteen years. I would never allow my parents to treat my DH like this but he allows it. He is constantly justifying their behaviour saying they are just difficult

Next time switch off the wifi, perhaps change the network name to 'thatsnotmyname' and don't tell your husband the password.

I'd prefer a random name rather than 'silly bitch' which is my MIL's name for me 😂 as you can imagine I'm NC with PILs and so is DH, or was until he found out the other day that FIL has been given 6 months to live, now he cant decide what to do!