Will I meet anyone else after 42?

[Phoebe45]

I’m married but not happily so. He’s a nice enough guy but I have come to realise that I’m not in love with him. We have tried counselling. He doesn’t know how I feel.

My question is, if we split up, what are my chances of meeting someone else and falling in love?

I have 2 children aged 4 and 7.

I think it’s fear of never meeting anyone else that’s stopping me from making the break.

Have you divorced and met the love of your life afterwards? I’m so scared. Thanks.

No I haven’t but I knew I didn’t love him so I let him go.
It wasn’t fair. He’s married to someone else now, don’t know or care if he loves her or if it’s convenience.

Of course you will!!! I am 55 and still date some wonderful men. Its purely my choice that I remain living alone and date, I could easily choose to be in a full time relationship but just dont want to. 42 is still very young.

I'm 40 and certainly hope so!!

I met a great man after I left my husband when I was 43. Still with him three years later and I am very very happy.

Of course you will, but it’s dishonest to stay with him if you don’t love him anyway. Let him have a chance to find someone who loves him.

I am going to say yes but ... you have to be open to it: take opportunities to go out, try different dating techniques and actually meet people.
If you stay in your house for the next ten years with a closed mind then you won't!

Maybe. But the Happy Ending is knowing you will be ok either way.

I think it’s fear of never meeting anyone else that’s stopping me from making the break.

So essentially you're saying you would rather be with someone you don't love than be on your own? I mean that's fair enough but I think you need to see it in those terms. What is it about being on your own that you find so worrying and why is being with someone you don't love preferable? I have a feeling the not-loving will fester more and more until it becomes not-liking, and so on downwards.

I've never been married and thought I'd probably always be single. But I met someone in my late 40s and I can see myself growing old(er) and grey(er) with him. I don't think you can guarantee it. Contrary to popular belief, the world isn't teeming with eligible bachelors and there's no evidence that there is someone for everyone. But yes, you can meet someone when you're 40+ years old and taking a chance on that certainly beats staying in a marriage when you know you don't love your spouse.

Yes, there is hope! My motto is 'you only get one shot at life....'
I was with my ex husband for 24 years and he was controlling and emotionally abusive. I tried to end the relationship a couple of times but finally found the courage nearly 3 years ago. I then met an amazing man online about a year later and we are so deeply in love it is incredible and something neither of us has ever experienced before. I live in the middle of nowhere in a different country so I would say if you live anywhere remotely civilised and in the UK, the chances of meeting someone new are really good. We are both in our late 40s. Good luck and remember YOLO 😃

I was with exH from the age of 20 to 43... I'm 47 now and have been with my wonderful DP for 18 months. Before DP i had another BF for 2 years. There are no guarantees that another Mr Right will come along, but honestly, just not being with someone you dont love is so luberating.

There's not an awful lot of choice in the over 40 market tbh, unless you are prepared to date older. I find a lot of 40s men want 30s women.
I haven't had a proper relationship since I split with my husband at 44 and I have been looking.

You might meet someone, but also you might not. It's definitely more difficult than when you're younger

You might, you might not. But what does it matter you might be much happier alone than with him. What's the need to ensure you will find someone else before finding that happiness...

Don't base your future happiness etc on the fact you may or may not find another man in the future.
Honestly I reckon if I split up with my husband at this stage in my life (and I'm younger) I'd be happy to go it alone and enjoy not having to worry about anyone else but me and the kids. If it happened it happened but I certainly wouldn't stay where I wasn't happy so I wasn't alone for a second.

I’m 42. I split with my husband 13 months ago and divorced him at Easter this year. It’s amicable. I have an 8 year old DD. I tried OLD in June and in July met a new guy. He is nice. I’m not sure about love. I haven’t introduced him to DD. I’m not sure I ever want to marry or live with anyone again. I’m having fun though. I’m happy! Last weekend we did a lot of fucking and had a day out at the seaside (DD with her Dad). It was great. I’m so much happier than I was when married.

I know plenty of women who met men in their 40s, and men of similar age, myself included (I'm 47, he's 49)

You have far more chance of meeting someone if you are single and actively looking.

I don't understand staying in an unfulfilling relationship out of fear of being alone. That would make me feel miserable.

My mum was 45, divorced and not looking when she met my stepdad. They've been happily together 30 years.

Exh & I separated when I was 45, 2 kids in primary. A year later I met a fantastic man, and a year & a half later we're still together and it's a very beautiful thing! But even if I hadn't met him, the year I was single I was happier than I had been in years and would still be happier unmarried now even if I hadn't met new man.

I'm 42 been divorced for almost 10 years. Looks were once 8/10 I'd say..... Now probably 5 or 6/10...tried OD numerous times, hobbies and friends of friends.... Nothing.... Given up now... Hope you find what you are looking for... Other pps have proved it can happen :)

Is the idea of being on your own so awful?

Do you really need to go through life shuttling between Mr Now and Mr Good Enough?

Can you consider your oqn existence outside of a hetero normative paradigm?

You can meet someone. I must say I've never been in a position where I wanted to break up with someone who is nice. That's pretty alien to me! Dont all partnerships get a bit "flat" after 2 young kids?

It's not fair to stay with your partner if you don't really love him, you have to give him the option to meet someone who does love him, and not just think about yourself.

Also even if you did stay with your husband, it's not like it will stay like it is now, the marriage will become even more unhappy as time goes on, then you'll wish you had ended it sooner!

Oh yes, you'll fall in love lots of times. But you might be too sensible to base your life on that feeling.

I’ve been in love twice. Both of them would still make my heart pound if they walked into the room. Both were also dicks who cheated and lied and manipulated. They wouldn’t have made good reliable partners, I’d never have felt secure. I don’t feel “love” for DH but I know he’s a decent guy and he’s got my back. I don’t worry about him leaving me, I trust him completely. We’re family. If I’m diagnosed with terminal cancer he’ll wipe my bum and clean up my puke until I die. That’s how marriage is different to love.

I separated from my DH in January, I am 45, with three children, two in primary.

We separated as we hadn't had sex for 7 years but he is a very nice man. This year, I seem to be on a perimenopausal rush. I have discovered my libido is incredibly healthy . I have had a few short flings ( one was 28!). Dating again is daunting but I am so much wiser than 20 years ago. I would never merely settle again.

Some of it is hard, the period of readjustment for everyone has been tough but I am SO MUCH happier.

That’s how marriage is different to love.

I'd say what you describe as marriage is love. The Greeks have different words for different types of love. I think the stomach flipping thing you're calling love is more likely eros. It's just sex and hormones. Marriage is more like pragma or philia. It's deeper and longer lasting, it's based on something more sustainable than the fizz of sexual attraction.

I feel a pull towards my DP and a deep sense of things being right when I'm with him. It's not a Hollywood romantic love but it's love nonetheless.

I can tell you that for every 40 something woman who has met someone (after a month of online dating! Very unusual and lucky.) there is another woman who hasn't and has been online etc with no luck. Have a look on the dating thread.

Yes, you'll get lots of offers of sex. If that's what you want that's ok. Plenty of men in their 20s are happy to shag a 40 something woman and most of them are very easy on the eye - I've indulged myself. They won't want a relationship or even to be seen in public with you. They won't be there to pick you up from the hospital if you've been ill, or to hold your hand at a relatives funeral.

Relationships are more tricky to come by. As you have a child with your husband and you say he is a good man I'd be having another try with him first.