Bisexual husband

[Leahrad]

A few years ago I found gay porn on our search history. I asked about it and OH (other half) quickly deleted and acted like it was NEVER there. I accepted the fact he just could have been curious. To add to that doesn't like to touch my body when we are doing the deed, he doesn't like fore play for me he says it turns him off. He is squeamish with yano 'me lady parts' I accepted again it might not be his thing.
When I seen the porn it all made sense but I dropped it and told myself I was being silly.

Fast forward 3/4yrs

The past few months he has been receiving phone calls from a guy at work. 4/5x a day even video calls... they talk in another language so I cant really understand much....

When on phone, OH (other half) body language changes also his tone of voice aswell as the guy, as soon as I come next to him he cuts the call short and let's the guy.know I'm present. Every week he works with this guy he comes home and showers instantly. He has been complaining about having piles for a while now too. The guy call the other night 11pm to tell OH (other half) he is horny waiting for his wife to come up but she's taking to long, he wants to quickly do it and go bed hes got work in the morning. Why would he tell oh that. Oh has told me other stories that A has told OH (other half) too.

OH likes anal and often asks this from me. He also likes anal play on himself.

With all those suspicions I cracked and snooped on his phone. Found only 2 messages a few weeks back to this guy
I can only make out dick and 💧💧🍆 the apple emoji versions. OH (other half) was away and the guy msg saying "come home soon. OH (other half) replied dick then 💧🍆 along with no ( sin ) ... The guy A replied " its ok from me ( no sin)"
I also searched his history. Full of gay porn as well as straight porn though

I turned up at OH (other half) work place that day they were working together and the guy look like he had seen a ghost. I made a comment " ohh so you're the guy that keeps calling my Oh" he made eyes at OH (other half) and OH (other half) winked at him in front of me with a bit of a laugh and said Dont worry my OH (other half) is fine.

Confronted OH (other half) later that day he denied everything. Said its just silly banter and he doesnt feel clean after work thats why he showers. He denied the porn then admitted then denied again. Mate I seen it with my own fucking eyes.

I called up the guy A, before I had even mentioned anything about msgs or sending gym vids to OH (other half) he already knew why I was calling. Makes my suspicions even worse.

OH (other half) is begging and pleading with me to drop the guy A out of it ( which I have) and keep it between us. He claims innocence.... well

Tonight he came home and said A wife is asking him questions about why I called asking those things. He's worried, he doesn't want to be involved he wants to be kept out of it ... this is the 100th time OH (other half) has told me A has said he is worried ...

Why would he be worried.

I'm going out of my mind. I'm really calm. I just want to understand what's going on. Stories don't add up. We have kids together. Aibu? Am I going crazy. I have never ever in my 7 years of marriage felt suspicious about my husband before. My instincts are going awol here.

Help. I need outside eyes. AIBU

Oh no. All the signs are there OP. He's cheating.

Think...what else does he need to do or say to confirm it in your kind? How would that be different if it was a female colleague? Don't be hoodwinked into ignoring the signs because of gender!

Well, being bisexual doesn't make you a cheat, nor does a man liking anal stuff mean he is gay or bi.

However - the other stuff you described makes it obvious there is something going on, same as if it were happening with another woman.
He's not likely to be honest, so you will need to think about what you will do.

He’s not bi. He’s gay. Is his country of birth one where gay people are seen as not okay? If so- you’re his cover. Sorry.

Straight men do not look at gay porn ... or just stumble across it ! FACT !!!!

Piles or a sore bum? 🧐

Sounds like he's outright gay to me.

Hmmm, I also thought just outright gay too. Sorry op.

I would ask him to keep conversations in English when he is on the Phone.
I also think he is gay.

@Leahrad

He sounds like a closet gay to me .... sorry but one of our neighbour who was married with 2 children discovered her husband was watching gay porn and confronted him about. He then admitted he had feelings for other men and left her to move in with a younger man. She was as you imagine devastated and his sons refused to have anything to do with him.

You're his beard. Get rid and get tested for STI's as soon as possible.

@Pollypocket952
"Straight men do not look at gay porn ... or just stumble across it ! FACT !!!!"

Do you have a cite for that?

I mean he's not making much effort to hide it is he?

And you don't need to keep spelling out the acronym. OH is used commonly on this forum and you put it in brackets once, that's enough.

What does OH mean?

You need to get tested.

He's squeamish about touching you? Why do you put up with a man who treats you this way?

Bisexual means sexually attracted to both sexes - but it doesn't sound like he's attracted to women at all - more like he's putting up with heterosexuality as that's what society expects. It honestly sounds more like he's gay tbh.

I think that's just who he is but you deserve to be with someone who is attractes to you.

Oh love, get rid of him now for your sanity and probably your health too. It will seem scary at first, but a year down the line you won't regret a thing x

We all know what OH means op!

He's gay not bi. They clue is in the fact he didn't like touching you.

@Leahrad After what you have described I'm surprised if honest that you need to ask. Your husband is gay...not just showing signs, but clearly so. Even to the fact he doesn't like touching you. Any man (that isn't gay) will want to touch you sexually. I'm sorry but there is no point trying to understand it more as that is what he is and no point trying to kid yourself or change him

What is pretty clear is the cheating in you. Get yourself tested ASAP

That's not at all nice for you. I'm sorry but he's clearly gay and cheating on you.
Get yourself tested for STD's, then kick his sore ass out of there.

He's gay, not bi.
He's having an affair with his colleague.
He's lying to you about it all.

doesn't like to touch my body when we are doing the deed, he doesn't like fore play for me he says it turns him off. He is squeamish with yano 'me lady parts'
just this

Oh OP. So sorry you're having the deal with this. I've been here. In my 20s I dated a guy who eventually started seeing other men behind my back.

There's two real issues here.

He's clearly lying to you, and cheating. I don't know what other proof you need. You need to tell him you won't tolerate being made a fool of any longer and kick him out.

He's not bi. You're his beard. My ex was bi. He cheated on me with men, trans men/women and finally settled and married a woman. I'm glad I escaped when I did! However your OH is clearly preferring if not completely gay.

Have a long hard think about this and find your anger. You don't deserve this, he isn't going to change so you're the one who needs to change something. He needs to leave so you can get on with your life / single or to find someone who wants you and isn't repulsed by the thought of having sex with you.

Oh and piles. COULD be a coincidence but my ex suddenly went through tubs and tubs of cream for his 'suddenly appeared' piles. the devil in me would be tempted to put some bloody chilli in it...

Sorry op but it sounds like hes having sex with his colleague and is gay.