Bisexual husband

[Leahrad]

A few years ago I found gay porn on our search history. I asked about it and OH (other half) quickly deleted and acted like it was NEVER there. I accepted the fact he just could have been curious. To add to that doesn't like to touch my body when we are doing the deed, he doesn't like fore play for me he says it turns him off. He is squeamish with yano 'me lady parts' I accepted again it might not be his thing.
When I seen the porn it all made sense but I dropped it and told myself I was being silly.

Fast forward 3/4yrs

The past few months he has been receiving phone calls from a guy at work. 4/5x a day even video calls... they talk in another language so I cant really understand much....

When on phone, OH (other half) body language changes also his tone of voice aswell as the guy, as soon as I come next to him he cuts the call short and let's the guy.know I'm present. Every week he works with this guy he comes home and showers instantly. He has been complaining about having piles for a while now too. The guy call the other night 11pm to tell OH (other half) he is horny waiting for his wife to come up but she's taking to long, he wants to quickly do it and go bed hes got work in the morning. Why would he tell oh that. Oh has told me other stories that A has told OH (other half) too.

OH likes anal and often asks this from me. He also likes anal play on himself.

With all those suspicions I cracked and snooped on his phone. Found only 2 messages a few weeks back to this guy
I can only make out dick and 💧💧🍆 the apple emoji versions. OH (other half) was away and the guy msg saying "come home soon. OH (other half) replied dick then 💧🍆 along with no ( sin ) ... The guy A replied " its ok from me ( no sin)"
I also searched his history. Full of gay porn as well as straight porn though

I turned up at OH (other half) work place that day they were working together and the guy look like he had seen a ghost. I made a comment " ohh so you're the guy that keeps calling my Oh" he made eyes at OH (other half) and OH (other half) winked at him in front of me with a bit of a laugh and said Dont worry my OH (other half) is fine.

Confronted OH (other half) later that day he denied everything. Said its just silly banter and he doesnt feel clean after work thats why he showers. He denied the porn then admitted then denied again. Mate I seen it with my own fucking eyes.

I called up the guy A, before I had even mentioned anything about msgs or sending gym vids to OH (other half) he already knew why I was calling. Makes my suspicions even worse.

OH (other half) is begging and pleading with me to drop the guy A out of it ( which I have) and keep it between us. He claims innocence.... well

Tonight he came home and said A wife is asking him questions about why I called asking those things. He's worried, he doesn't want to be involved he wants to be kept out of it ... this is the 100th time OH (other half) has told me A has said he is worried ...

Why would he be worried.

I'm going out of my mind. I'm really calm. I just want to understand what's going on. Stories don't add up. We have kids together. Aibu? Am I going crazy. I have never ever in my 7 years of marriage felt suspicious about my husband before. My instincts are going awol here.

Help. I need outside eyes. AIBU

Op you know what’s probably going on but you are expecting a man who you know lies about this, to be honest with you.

Your H’s lover is copping heat and they both want you to stop calling them out on their shit in order to maintain the current sta quo of their clandestine hook ups.

He's gay and he's cheating.
Stop waiting for him to admit it, he won't he's a liar.
Get rid.

He is just going to carry on lying, you need to know that. He will only admit what you have found, he won't tell you any more than that. You can't put up with this - he isn't your other half, he's a cheating man you live with who doesn't like touching your body. Ffs, you deserve better than this. You can't trust him to tell you, you need to make up your own mind.

He's gay. Not bi- he's squeamish about touching you at all - are you really going to continue along this road op? He's lying to himself, and you.

Yes he is most certainly not Bi he is gay and your his beard. Please go and get checked out at your local Gum clinic and leave him. He’s a liar

You 100% already know what’s going on. It doesn’t even sound like OH is particularly hiding the affair from you. He’s gay but it seems to suit him having you as his cover. Sorry OP not sure there is any other explanation.

Oh, sweetheart. I think you know exactly what’s happening really

He’s possibly bisexual, probably gay, definitely cheating.

As far as I can see, you either have to be prepared to be in an open marriage (if you can actually get him to admit what’s going on and stop gaslighting you, which is incredibly abusive), or you leave and build a better life for yourself. I know what I’d do.

Whether you choose to tell the other man’s partner what is going on is up to you. I know that people always caution to stay out of it, but I don’t think I could live with the knowledge that someone is having their health risked and making possibly life-changing decisions RE finances, family etc on the back of a relationship that is built on lies.

I assume by the fact he's using another language when speaking to this guy from work, that your OH is from a non British background/heritage? Presumably one that frowns upon same sex relationships? You mentioned the word 'sin' so maybe it would be considered a sin within the religion?

It seems very clear to me, based on what you've said, what's happening. If I were you I'd start preparing for one of you leaving the home because your relationship clearly isn't working. Whose name is the house in? Are you financially secure and independent?

House is mine. I'm unemployed so that's going to be a fun when the divorce is settled ( 2 kids under 2) . Im going to go about this very carefully. I am a wreak right now and I want to be clear headed when I go about leaving him. First thing Monday I'm off to the clinic. I'm feel absolutely sick to my stomach.

Thanks for everyone's comments

Get an appointment with a solicitor. If you're married, he may have a claim on the house.

I'm so sorry, op. Glad you are going to take legal advice. It does sound as if he is gay and has been unfaithful to you.

Get your ducks in a row and make him leave - it will be a relief to you when he does and may even be a relief to him in time. Living a lie day in day out is not comfortable.

I hope your health hasn't been compromised, best to make sure but I wouldn't think, whatever he has done, he would put you at risk.

Oh, op. This is utter shit for you, I'm so sorry. Good luck with the clinic - he's a first class disgusting cheating lying fucking cunt.