Need to finish relationship tonight- advice needed.

[fudgecakelova11122]

As title really. I need to finish with my partner of 3 1/2 years. We've not long moved in together and I've seen a side of him I really don't like - he is controlling, sulky and has millions of rules on how things should be. If I stay it will exhaust me and wear me down.
I've come to terms with the fact I'm going to finish things but I don't know where to start. Actual firm suggestions of how to break this in a gentler manner as possible?!? He won't see this coming at all.

yep you're all right aren't you. I'm being foolhardy - I'll go with DD to mums and do it from there

Yes, we're right! glad you've changed your mind. No guilt here. You gave things a go, it didn't work out. You're freeing him to find someone else.

Thanks @MarianaMoatedGrange. I'll remember that.

Just be direct and to the point. Make it clear it’s over and you are not going to change your mind. Don’t be prepared to discuss anything as he could put pressure on you to dissuade you.

DO YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM? I think you should just go! There is no need waiting around to argue. You do not have to say goodbye or explain yourself. Don't wait around as that might make you feel worse or even put you off from going. JUST GO!

The guilt isn't real.
It's there because of him.
Because of how he makes you feel.
It's not your guilt or anything. It's all on him.

Pack whatever you can before he's back.
Go to mums.
Call him. Tell him it's over. You will contact him a few days to arrange a time/date when to collect your stuff. There's nothing to discuss.

Hang up and block him for a few days.

When you contact him to arrange - again be very clear and firm.
You don't want him there when you come.
There is nothing else to discuss.
Goodbye, and hang up.

Block again if needed.

When you go back, don't go alone. Don't take the soft mate who will say oohhh go on, give him a chance. You need the firm ones who will tell him to fuck himself and you give your head a bloody wobble. Not that I am blaming you at all for this. It's so easy to be there, and really hard getting out. You need support that helps you get out, not someone who helps to enable.

I'm going to pick DD up from school and take her to my mums. When I've gone I'm going to send him a message.

And of course if you don''t have to go back

Phone - It's over. Goodbye. Hang up and block.

Even better Dump by text. 🤣

Take your important stuff with you OP.

Can't add anything that hasn't already been said other than major kudos to you for calling it a day rather than waiting around thinking it might get better because it's early days blah blah blah....
You are a credit to your daughter.

Thank you @EvenPhilip - you've just made me cry! It's seeing her being nagged for leaving lights in and not squeezing the toothpaste correctly that has done it tbh. It's one thing to put up with it yourself but I will not have the life sucked out of her.

Yep you're all right aren't you. I'm being foolhardy - I'll go with DD to mums and do it from there.

Thank fuck for that.

I'm packing stuff. I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate, the adrenaline is unreal. I keep thinking what the fuck am I doing and imagining how upset he will be. I feel like a complete bitch.

The fact you posted this, means you wanted to go. We just let you know your not doing this alone.
Check the washing.
And don't forget cables

You are not a bitch to keep a man away from your daughter who is telling her off for squeezing the toothpaste the wrong way. You are a heroine for doing that. And don't you forget it.

Keep strong OP. You are doing your best for your DD do not forget that. GOOD LUCK

I'm out. I'm parked waiting for my dd. I'm going to meet mum and hand her over then drive the rest of the way by myself as I suspect there will be tears.

I can't thank you all enough - you've kept me going today and strengthened me when I felt weak. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'll post later. Xxxxxx

@FUDGECAKELOVA11122

Leaving is so hard, I know - I am currently in the process.

I rent a house with him though, so not so simple.

You will feel instant relief for your self once its done - try and not feel to guilty (easier said then done) but remember you both deserve to be happy - so you are letting him also find someone who he may not nagg as much, because they are a better fit.

You are showing your little girl, that even if the man seems nice, she doesnt have to stay for any reason - her/your happiness is what matters, she will thank you for this example one day i promise - you are so brave, and your daughter is going to be just as brave xx

Well done. Try the grovelling approach,,,,
'I'm so so sorry I shopped at Asda that time when you wanted me to go to Tesco, I realise I can never do such an awful thing to you ever again, it must have been so horribly traumatic for you, so I am removing , myself from your life, so there is no danger of that happening ever again'

Remember you owe yourself and your dd happiness way before you are responsible for his...
Good luck op.
You can nail this.

Be frank, tell the truth, as you don't feel happy you move on without him, as simple as it is. It can be hard for him but do what is best for you.
I imagine that during these 3 years you made him aware of what you don't like about him, you gave him surely different opportunities to meet your expectations, if he didn't that is on him.

seeing her being nagged for leaving lights in and not squeezing the toothpaste correctly that has done it tbh

Fucking hell! No wonder you want out!

Thank God you've seen this and acted so quickly. Well done.

You’re doing the right thing 🌷Thank god for DD ir you might have stayed!

Have you got all of your & DD’s stuff out? If so, how did you manage that so quickly?

You've done the right thing OP. Truly you have. Glad you'll continue to post - and think on - this thread may strengthen others still dithering about whether or not to leave controlling, sulky partners.

You totally rock. You are a great mum - here - have some