Does anyone else’s DP hate leaving the house when they are off work?

[Timeforanamechange2020]

I think it’s getting to me more because I’m coming to the end of my maternity leave and have only been further than a 5 mile radius twice in the last 10 months.

He’s got a very active outdoors job so when he’s off he just wants to stay home.

Yes mine does it drives me insane and if we do manage to get out the house he miraculously gets a headache and 'has' to go home🙄

Why aren't you getting out on your own? I know it doesn't resolve the problem of wanting to go places with him, but what's stopping you from going further afield yourself?

I’m like that. I have a manual job and I’m exhausted after a weeks work. I just want to chill. I go out because I feel I have to, not because I want to. I’d rather be in the house

I can kind of understand this. I used to work with horses. So in the summer we outside all day every day . I'd get home to my parents and my mum would insist on having dinner outside in the garden, when I just wanted to sit inside for a bit.

Mine was like this when I was on maternity leave, I just did plenty during the week and then on weekends we would have a lazy day staying in, and would do something on the other day.

It seems neither of you wish to go out? I understand his reasons, but why are you not going out?

It sounds like you dont really go out when he is working as well.

I drive a lot for work. Honestly, at weekends I really dont want to drive long distances or spend that much time outside especially at this time of year.

I consider it a great weekend if I don't have to leave the house... Doesn't happen often enough but I'm single so don't have to think of what a DP might like, and DCs are 17/12- old enough to come and go to friends etc as they like.
Maybe you need to compromise on some kind of outing every other weekend?

I do go out locally, baby groups and take my older DC to/from school and visit family that live in the same village but I don’t drive.

I understand wanted a chilled day when he works 6 days of the week but he’s the same when he has time off.

Expecting your DH to be your transport elsewhere is a bit off. It’s not his fault you don’t drive - get buses or trains somewhere further afield if you have wanderlust. Or prioritise learning to drive.

I’m not expecting him to transport me elsewhere, but I would like us to leave the house together when he’s not in work.

Seems like not driving is the main problem. Have you got a health condition preventing you? I’d there public transport from your village? If he’s working 6 days a week, it’s not surprising he likes staying in!

@Timeforanamechange2020 - Learn to drive! You're more at risk of not being able to return to work/less choice of roles, as you'll find it harder to do your half of pick ups without a car

I didn't have a car on mat leave, it definitely made it harder, but if you have a sling or a pram that easily folds up (I would take a stroller and pop it in the luggage bit), are there buses nearby? The change of scenery might be nice during the week.

In your position OP I would be plonking baby down with dp and off out on my own to enjoy a nice relaxing Saturday afternoon by myself.

Has he always been like this or has it only been a problem since DC arrived? If it's only a recent thing, it could be down to something like depression.

I generally like to stay at home now on the weekends. Everywhere is too busy and I'm usually knackered from being in work all week. When my DC were small and I was home in the day, I was out every single day with them when DH was working. Nothing worse than being home all day with kids climbing the walls. So come the weekend I didn't mind just chilling out at home.

My DH works outside. Last thing he wants to do after being out in the heat or cold all day is go back out into it. But generally come the weekend (well Sunday) he's happy to get out if we want a family day out. But we're equally happy to have a family chill out day too.

Is there any reason why you can't go beyond the five mile radius on your own? Can you get a bus to a local station, or lifts from your family?

Not driving isn't new, have you always restricted yourself to being local because of it, and relied on others to go further afield than the five miles?

I do get it, OP. My DP is going through a similar phase as he’s travelling a lot atm so when he’s home he just wants to chill out, and after eating out all the time with work he just wants to stay in and have a home cooked meal.

I do go out by myself but the whole point is I want to spend time out and about with DP!

I’ve started compromising, one day of chill time at the weekend and one day pottering out somewhere - doesn’t even have to be very exciting, just a walk down to the pub by the river and back. I think you should sit down with your DH and discuss a similar compromise. Don’t approach it from a “you want him to drive you places” angle, more from a “quality family time together” angle.

I do use public transport, our town is within 5 miles.

Even if I could drive it would not be worth us getting a second car as I use public transport to get to work.

Perhaps the percentage of people who go nowhere else other than work every week is a lot higher than I thought?

He works 6 days of the week?

Perhaps the percentage of people who go nowhere else other than work every week is a lot higher than I thought?

Well no, what people don't understand is your post reads like you don't go anywhere either, but don't wish to take any personal responsibility and blame your husband. As you're an adult, it's not really comprehensible why you also don't go anywhere.

It's understandable why you would like to go out together occasionally, what people are trying to grasp is uou saying effectively I've not been more than five miles and it's my husbands fault.

I suppose me being off work has highlighted the fact to me. I’m happy to stay local with a little one.

I work in a city so I’m used to seeing a lot of people and interacting with work colleagues and going to different places for lunch.

Perhaps I’m just ready to go back to work 🤷🏻‍♀️

I used to hate driving at the weekend when I had a long commute. YANBU though. Life is for living.

I love staying in on my days off! My ideal weekend is just pure hibernation

The OP hasn't said she never leaves the house! She said she hasn't gone far in the past 10 months.

My husband is the same, it drives me in insane. In the end he went to the GP and is now on an antidepressant for anxiety. He confided that going out for longer than a couple of hours made him feel really anxious. The sertraline made a huge difference and we can actually have days out now. Beforehand, we were only going out for a coffee in a nearby town. Now he'll come to the farm or wherever else with our daughters.

Prior to my pregnancies we both worked in tiring roles doing all sorts of shifts and I did find it harder to get energy on my days off. Since having children I have made more of an effort for them though.