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Original poster

Does anyone else’s DP hate leaving the house when they are off work?

45 replies

Timeforanamechange2020 · 15/11/2019 06:00

I think it’s getting to me more because I’m coming to the end of my maternity leave and have only been further than a 5 mile radius twice in the last 10 months.

He’s got a very active outdoors job so when he’s off he just wants to stay home.

OP posts:

Northernsoullover · 15/11/2019 07:33

I'm out working a lot and I'm in university. When I'm off from both I don't want to go out either. I don't feel like I've had a rest if I'm out and about.
If I was home all week I'd be clamouring to get out too.

userxx · 15/11/2019 07:34

Yeah, I think you're ready to go back to work. If he works 6 days a week I can fully understand him wanting to chill out at home on his 1 day off. At this time of year I barely want to leave the house at weekends, it's a different story in summer though, I love being outside.

ControversialFerret · 15/11/2019 07:54

DH used to be like this and it would drive me mad, because all he'd want to do was stay at home and zonk in front of the telly.

My job now involves long hours and a lot of travel and nights away from home. Consequently all I want to do at the weekends is zonk in front of the telly!

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 15/11/2019 08:11

He works 6 days a week outdoors so give him a break.....

LemonTT · 15/11/2019 09:07

He has one day a week to get some rest and be with his child. He has one day per week when his time is his own and he can be a parent. Let him have some say over it.

Missillusioned · 15/11/2019 09:12

It's only a problem because you're at home a lot, so are probably bored of the same 4 walls. When I was on maternity leave or working part time I used to like going out and about at the weekend. Once I started working full time, plus all the chores, I really cba going out at the weekend, especially in the winter- I just want to chill at home

fedup21 · 15/11/2019 09:16

I’m not expecting him to transport me elsewhere, but I would like us to leave the house together when he’s not in work

You say this but then give the reason that you haven’t gone further than a 5 mile radius in 10 months as being because you don’t drive.

Don’t blame your lack of travel when you’ve been off work on maternity leave on anything other than yourself.

Original poster

Timeforanamechange2020 · 15/11/2019 09:23

I’m not talking about the one day off he has a week, I totally understand that, I’m talking about when he has time off work.

I only said I don’t drive because people were asking why I haven’t gone further than I have.

When I’m back in work he’s not going to change, so perhaps I am being unreasonable to think that in 10 months we would have had a family day out together 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

fedup21 · 15/11/2019 09:30

When I’m back in work he’s not going to change, so perhaps I am being unreasonable to think that in 10 months we would have had a family day out together

That is a different issue though.

You have spent your maternity leave staying within 5 miles of your home because you don’t drive and clearly haven’t used public transport to travel. Yet you are upset about it. Why are you upset, yet have nothing about it? I think that I would have gone stir crazy.

The fact that you haven’t had a family day out at all anywhere during this time is separate though and is a matter to discuss with your DH.

Original poster

Timeforanamechange2020 · 15/11/2019 09:55

@fedup21 the point of my post is that we don’t go anywhere

I do go places on public transport, and I have said I am happy to stay local with a small baby on my own.

OP posts:

AloneLonelyLoner · 15/11/2019 10:56

YABU, I'm exhausted at the weekend after a 60 hr week and all I want to do is drink wine and sit in my jimjams.

And yes I do go out and get a tonne of outdoor exercise, I'm not a recluse but being expected to cater to others need for activities (who aren't children who can't do things alone) is unfair imo.

Just dump the baby for a few hours and go out. I do this when I need.

Original poster

Timeforanamechange2020 · 15/11/2019 11:02

I’m not talking about the weekend.

I don’t want to ‘dump the baby’

It seams that I’m in the minority with wanting to have time out of the house with my family.

OP posts:

Unihorn · 15/11/2019 11:05

Am I the only one who understands that the OP wants to go out as a family? Do none of you ever go to theme parks, soft play, farms, a normal park etc. as a family or do you take it in turns to spend time with your child/ten? Bizarre.

fedup21 · 15/11/2019 11:13

that I’m in the minority with wanting to have time out of the house with my family.

If you want to go out with your family, that’s fine. You need to discuss it with your husband.

Your post seemed more upset that you’d wasted your maternity leave staying in a very small radius of your house which wasn’t really his fault.

It’s perfectly normal to want to do stuff as a family. We can’t really tell you why your husband doesn’t want to do this though.

Original poster

Timeforanamechange2020 · 15/11/2019 11:30

I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my maternity - it’s the fact I’ve been on maternity has highlighted to me that we don’t go anywhere.

The reason he doesn’t want to is because when he’s not in work he doesn’t want to leave the house.

OP posts:

fedup21 · 15/11/2019 11:43

Has he always been like this? If so, possibly that’s something that should probably have been flagged before you decided to stay together and have kids?

If this is a new thing, you need to establish why. What has changed? Is his job exhausting? Is he depressed? Does he enjoy spending time with you? What is it about day trips he doesn’t like? Is it the drive? The expense? Are they stressful? Does he struggle being away from home?

JK1773 · 15/11/2019 12:01

OP I have a very stressful busy job, long hours, draining really. On my days off I don’t even want to get dressed, let alone go out anywhere.
If someone organised a day trip out I’d probably go though.
His work life balance is the problem. Can that be changed somehow? Mine can’t sadly.
I have the day off today. I’m not dressed yet

Dyrne · 15/11/2019 12:15

Timeforanamechange2020 So I’ll ask again - have you spoken to him about how you feel? And could you potentially plan a family day out in advance? So you’re not sprinting “oh we’re going to the farm tomorrow” on him when he’s knackered, but you can say “Can you book a couple of days off in Feb? I was thinking of going to do X on one of the days, then we could have a chilled out day the other day. What do you think?”

SouthernComforts · 15/11/2019 12:48

I think you need a new thread- "DH won't go anywhere with us as a family " as that seems to be the crux.
Do you think if you could drive and be insured on his car you could then offer to drive out somewhere for the day? Then it's not all on him when he's tired from work?

fedup21 · 15/11/2019 13:59

Do you think if you could drive and be insured on his car you could then offer to drive out somewhere for the day? Then it's not all on him when he's tired from work?

I would definitely be learning to drive ASAP regardless unless there is a medical reason for you not to.

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