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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sister in law hates me

35 replies

Caitlyn02 · 13/11/2019 23:54

Ladies I have a dilemma my sister in law seems to hate me and I've no idea why. So a bit of background I met my partner 7 years ago I already had 6 children & a good job own house etc fell pregnant very quickly with my son. Now the first time I met his family I was 4 months pregnant and it was at a Xmas party with ALL of his family at his parents house. My partner asked me not to discuss other kids untill we had told his parents I said fine, his brother asked me how many kids i had I panicked and said one never thought anything of it. Anyhow his parents were great when then found out have been great with the kids etc. My partner was never close to his family didn't go to his beithrrs wedding and his mum actually thanked me for giving her a relationship with her son back. The issue is his middle brother and his wife seem to hate me, his brother randomly deleted me off Facebook has made comments to my mother in law that my partner is stupid for being with me etc. Now the in-laws took my son up to theirs for the week I sent a nice message saying thanks etc he loved it and was ignored. My mother in law then told me how his brother doesn't like me cos I lied about how many kids I had and how he hates how much tax he pays for other people to have kids. Now I must point out i have a fabulously paid job a 5 bedroom house and outearn my partner. But he said to mil again that he's mad for being with me and other digs which I've let slide. Two weeks later i see his wife has deleted me off Facebook as friends you may know came up. I thought it was a mistake so messaged her and was blanked, asked mil apparently she doesn't know why and now last week she's deleted me off Instagram. I have always sent gifts & cards for their son, sent them a housewarming gift. To be told that apparently I buy so many clothes for their son as I'll get them back for mine (apparently mil said this was said in jest). I'm at a loss what to do?

OP posts:
Star81 · 14/11/2019 00:08

I wouldn’t do anything. If they don’t want contact with you then why would you bother with them ?

LannisterLion1 · 14/11/2019 08:43

Stop trying so hard. They (BIL and SIL) don't like you, you can't change that only they can if they choose too.

Lying, though i appreciate you were on the spot, obviously didn't endear you to them and combined with what they see as all your baggage- they just dont like you or care to try.

What does your partner say?

Milicentbystander72 · 14/11/2019 08:48

Not much you can do I'm afraid.

My BiL hates me too. The reason? - he's an Alcoholic, emotionally abusing arsehole and I'm the only one whose called him out on it in 26 years. He deleted me off FB years ago and refuses to speak to me or my children at all whenever we are in the same room (which is hardly ever)

The situation breaks my heart tbh.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/11/2019 08:48

Take the hint. They don't like you.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/11/2019 08:52

I'm at a loss what to do?
Nothing!
There is nothing you can do.
Let them live their judgmental lives and you get on with yours.
Stop trying with them.
If your DP wants to send their son presents etc.... then let him.
I'm not sure why you are doing it anyway?

Loveagoodpaxo · 14/11/2019 08:54

You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.
What does your DP say about the situation?

custardbear · 14/11/2019 08:54

Personally I'd just ignore it - if you earn more then then and have a bigger and nicer house then it's probably envy and they're using the children as an excuse, which is childish - just ignore it and enjoy what you have how on earth do you manage 7 children ! Wink

Shmithecat2 · 14/11/2019 08:57

Don't waste time worrying about it. My sil and I fell out about 2 years ago. It hasn't affected my life in anyway. Don't let it affect yours.

fedup21 · 14/11/2019 08:59

You’ve been together for 7 years- what’s happened very recently to make his family delete you on social media and ignore you?

Original poster
Caitlyn02 · 14/11/2019 09:06

Fedup21
Nothing has happened no arguments no fights which is why I'm confused as to why all of a sudden this?
My dp & his brother have never gotten along way before I came on the scene. Myself & mil where trying to facilitate a reconciliation between the pair. My mil had been up there for a week & apparently his brother wanted this too & then all of a sudden shes deleted me. It doesn't affect my day to day life as we were never close just sent cards & presents between the children. I didn't know they even had a problem with me untill mil dropped an awful lot if snippets about what was being said. My dp has said he doesn't "give a shit" what they think. Things like this wouldn't normally bother me, I guess it's because nothing has happened for her to just be a bloody weirdo, and if she had an issue she should have responded to my message.

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 14/11/2019 09:08

Fuck 'em.

GingerKittenCat · 14/11/2019 09:26

I haven't spoken to my brother and SIL for 10 years now. Life is so much less stressful having no contact. Life is too short to put up with people who dislike and disrespect you.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/11/2019 09:39

Well then more fool them, because it looks as if they've just alienated the person who could have been the bridge to the new and better relationship with their brother/son that they apparently wanted!

Maybe you now have more of an inkling why your partner isn't close to them and 'doesn't give a shit'??!

Wise up here, or you're going to end up floundering around in a mud pit you could very easily completely avoid. Delete them back. In fact, block them. Don't call. Leave it entirely up to your partner to be in contact with them. And if his mother contacts you and complains, shrug your shoulders and say 'They've made it clear they don't like me and have been really rude actually. I was really happy to know them and help P have a better relationship with his brother, now I see why he isn't bothered about them. Not my circus, not my monkeys - I'm not interested in having a relationship with them and looks as if your son isn't either.'

champagneandfromage50 · 14/11/2019 09:44

Sounds like BIL doesn’t really want to build bridges with your DP and your the scapegoat. Lying about how many DC you have isn’t a reasonable excuse for the BIL to dislike you. He also sounds envious that you are in a position to have 6 DC . So I would stop worrying about it, your not there to repair there relationship or to second guess why your being ignored.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 14/11/2019 10:02

They don’t like you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Just leave them to it. Don’t buy them gifts or acknowledge them in that way. Just ge polite if you see them and leave it at that.
You sound like you have a busy life anyway. Focus on your dcs and the people who matter.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/11/2019 13:11

What;'s your reason for having so many children?

legalseagull · 14/11/2019 13:14

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation Biscuit

SnuggyBuggy · 14/11/2019 13:22

I think you need to accept this as you can't change it. Focus on those who treat you well

hellsbellsmelons · 14/11/2019 13:28

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation that is nothing to do with any of us.
I chose to have only 1. I'm judged for that too.
It's up to each person how many kids they want to have.
Many women and men want a lovely big family.
Many don't.
Simples!

MrHaroldFry · 14/11/2019 13:30

So what? The world still turns and you can build a wonderful life without them.
Let them have their opinions. Opinions are subjective most of the time and don't really mean anything to anyone except the person with that opinion.
You should not try anymore. Just be friendly in their company without being friends.
Life is too short to worry about the begrudgers!

Original poster
Caitlyn02 · 14/11/2019 13:32

I wanted to & can afford it, I'm not offended with you asking. When they're all driving me mad it's a question I ask myself 🤣🤣

OP posts:
TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 14/11/2019 13:51

It sounds as though you get on ok with your MIL OP, but I can't help thinking she's stirring things a bit by passing on all these snippets from BIL & SIL. Why does she feel the need to pass these horrible comments on?

PinkJam · 14/11/2019 13:51

Why does MIL keep reporting back to you negative comments they’ve made about you? Seems like she’s stirring it.

Simkin · 14/11/2019 13:55

I'm fascinated by (and a bit envious of) your life. How have you managed alone with all those kids and a job that pays you enough for a 5 bed house? Are you an influencer or something?

Anyway that's beside the point. I don't know why you are bothered about what your obviously horrid BIL thinks. I'm sure this is more about his relationship with your DH than you personally.

Original poster
Caitlyn02 · 14/11/2019 14:20

Hi no I'm not an influencer much to the annoyance of my oldest child, a little bit of perspective my two oldest children have left school and are working full time. I started off in a company and worked my way up, I believe I fell lucky as it was relatively small when I started. I bought my first house when they were very cheap & did well in that regards. It hasn't been easy & when I first started at that job I had two jobs like a lot of people have to now. My job allows me the ability to work from home & I have minimal nursery fees now. I'm not into cars or going out or the latest phones etc. I believe I've worked very hard but I also have a great familyin that have always helped me. I haven't always lead a charmed life & I am the queen of budgets & financial planning.
With regards to my mil I did believe that she was pot stirring but wanted to gage the reactions of others to see if I was being paranoid.

OP posts: