Sister in law hates me

[Caitlyn02]

Ladies I have a dilemma my sister in law seems to hate me and I've no idea why. So a bit of background I met my partner 7 years ago I already had 6 children & a good job own house etc fell pregnant very quickly with my son. Now the first time I met his family I was 4 months pregnant and it was at a Xmas party with ALL of his family at his parents house. My partner asked me not to discuss other kids untill we had told his parents I said fine, his brother asked me how many kids i had I panicked and said one never thought anything of it. Anyhow his parents were great when then found out have been great with the kids etc. My partner was never close to his family didn't go to his beithrrs wedding and his mum actually thanked me for giving her a relationship with her son back. The issue is his middle brother and his wife seem to hate me, his brother randomly deleted me off Facebook has made comments to my mother in law that my partner is stupid for being with me etc. Now the in-laws took my son up to theirs for the week I sent a nice message saying thanks etc he loved it and was ignored. My mother in law then told me how his brother doesn't like me cos I lied about how many kids I had and how he hates how much tax he pays for other people to have kids. Now I must point out i have a fabulously paid job a 5 bedroom house and outearn my partner. But he said to mil again that he's mad for being with me and other digs which I've let slide. Two weeks later i see his wife has deleted me off Facebook as friends you may know came up. I thought it was a mistake so messaged her and was blanked, asked mil apparently she doesn't know why and now last week she's deleted me off Instagram. I have always sent gifts & cards for their son, sent them a housewarming gift. To be told that apparently I buy so many clothes for their son as I'll get them back for mine (apparently mil said this was said in jest). I'm at a loss what to do?

Stop engaging them in any way. Stop buying anything for their DC. Tell your MIL you tried but now no longer want to hear anymore about them. She definitely hasn't helped by passing all the bitchy comments back and forth.

Step back from them and carry on with your own life. It doesn't sound like you need them at all so why invite the negativity?

Just stop reaching out and being kind to her. She really doesnt deserve it. My sister in law cant stand me. I've spent 15 years trying, inviting her over, babysitting, buying lovely gifts for her children. 3 years ago she moved away (out of the city) without even telling us?!!! That really was a kick in the stomach. It was the biggest "fuck you" I saw from her. I felt more sorry for my husband when anothet relative told him that his sister moved away. As a result these past 3 years I have been no contact with her and no gifts. She knows where I live, if she ever wants to talk. Some people cannot be helped, so dont bother. Take all that good wholesome energy and focus it on your partner and children instead. That's what I do now.

OP, you sound fantastic and a brilliant mother/role model to your DC.

Your il's are suffering from the green eyed monster syndrome! Must be sooo painful!😄

Honestly, ignore them and give them a wide berth.

God yeah, you sound ace OP. Come off Facebook and stop worrying about it.

They don't like you.

That's their problem. I once had a bf who's sister hated me. It really bothered me, so I know where you're coming from. But. The reason she "hated" me was that we were very similar ages, with children, and she made every excuse why she couldn't work (because children) couldn't lose weight (because children mean you must eat nuggets every day) couldn't ever get off benefits (because children)... And when I turned up, as someone who worked bloody hard, looked after myself/health and still "somehow" raised DS, I rendered her "I can't, because children" excuses a bit foolish. I made her look extremely lazy. But in all honesty, she was. Which is fine, each to their own. But own it, don't pretend your kids have thwarted you.

I never called her out on anything. But I wasn't going to stop working at my career, and thriving, because she couldn't be arsed to try and get a job as she had exactly the same opportunities as I did.

She'd never have liked me. Ever. I get why. It wasn't my fault, and this isn't yours, which is why it feels frustrating, you haven't done anything wrong. Let it continue to be a reflection on them, not you.

What’s the historic back story between the two brothers?

Don’t trust your MIL - if she is sending “snippets” your way - have no doubt that she is sending some the other way........

Sounds like quite a toxic little family you have stumbled into - watch that v closely.

Your DP not interested in building bridges with his DB - so why are you and MIL “facilitating” - BIL/SIL might see you as manipulative?

Does the MIL have any daughters? Interested in the dynamic that the SIL specifically is getting called out for hating you rather than BIL. Wonder if the MIL has engineered a cat fight?

You sound like you come from a loving and supportive background which has allowed you to do v well professionally and financially. Not all families are like this - sounds like your DPs aren’t - don’t be the naive, lamb to the slaughter walking into the thick of their decades old festering battles and toxic dynamics.

Are there other siblings and is your DPs DF in the scene?

Hi yes their is a younger brother & he gets on with both of them. With bil & dp their is a vile history of not getting on for years and years, hence dp not going to their wedding. Bil has had a problem for over 5 years with me whereas sil was always civil from afar nothing has happened why I was so confused. Mil has no daughters & dp brother & his wife often live out in Dubai then come back. Mil told me this was due to them accruing a serious amount of debt which is none of my business. My dp father and his mum are still together he doesn't seem to get involved in any drama. I can now see a history of their son never going to his parents to stay when my son was, he wasn't allowed on holiday with all of us. Their is only a year and 3 days between our boys, I was always close to my cousins so to me it's just natural. I did ask mil why all of a sudden she had an issue with me and was told she had no idea, which I don't believe at all, they would have discussed it.
I'm just going to take the advice on here & leave them to it we all live at least two hours away from each other so no awkward chance meetings. My father in laws 70th in April should be interesting!!

Your DP has all the answers Caitlyn

He knows exactly why they don’t get on but doesn’t seem to want to tell you - wonder if he didn’t cover himself in glory?

Odd that he didn’t see his own DPs for years, didn’t go to DB wedding and MIL is grateful to you for restoring her RS with her son.

Good idea to keep out of it.

Your MIL probably said something to your SIL.

Wow, what kind of job do you have that enables you to be a high earner and manage 7 kids? (Jealous).