Nativity

[PoshBagLady]

Was going to post in AIBU but don’t think I could stomach that! DS came home from school today with a sheet of paper with all the kids’ lines for the Nativity Play. AIBU in feeling the rage that he has literally one line - if you could call it that? I feel so angry and upset on his behalf because he can clearly see who has the really meaty parts/lines and he has a line that if you blinked you’d miss at the very bottom of the page.

I’m not a pushy mum in any way and I’m not a parent who’s always up at the school, so this is not usually how I would react.

I really want to talk to his teacher to understand how these decisions are made. My DS is probably sitting somewhere in the middle in terms of ability and his reading is fine so I just don’t get it. The same last year but I didn’t say anything then.

Would I come across as a neurotic parent if I ask about this?

I’m a single parent and it’s times like these I miss having a SO or family who could talk me down so I’m turning to you lovely mumsnetters to talk me down instead

Most children only have one line, in my experience.

And Mary and Joseph often say nothing at all.

I agree that most children have a line or two. Otherwise it would be sooooo long!

In my experience, children are asked whether or not they want an acting role. Many don't and can't be persuaded at all. Some have very quiet voices which would be a problem on the day/night. Children then audition for the main meaty roles. Time to rehearse these nativities is limited so sensible choices have to be made. I've seen teachers take risks on these choices and it's then been quite stressful for the children if they can't cope with the number of lines or the complexity of the language. It's a bad move if the same children, year after year, get the plum roles but they're also most likely the most confident ones who push themselves forward. Discussing this with his teacher will make them think of the next opportunity, Easter or class assemblies maybe.

Teacher here, my daughter is gonna be the donkey. (She goes to my school). I even joked with my friend (her teacher) what crappy role she had given her (like seriously, no lines). But then again i get that roles need to be given and most times, most kids get one or two lines tops. Also for one off ocassions where theres longer roles like some narrators , you do need the ones with the super memory and lively loud voice as putting any kid in that role has certain expectations and could be pretty stressful for them. Ultimately teachers are very aware and want to include everyone . We know theres parents looking out for their babies wanting to get that video. Im a teacher and a mum, would love for her to have a more meaty role, but i also know how much stress producin a nativity is ,trying to make it work and fit it around everthing else while keepin everyone happy . I think ... chill. And enjoy the play and make ur kid excited about it so he can too enjoy it 😊

Thanks for the replies. You are probably right about most kids having one line. It just seems to be the same kids as always.

Jubilant yes I’ll talk to the teacher and hope they think of him in future. I hear what you’re saying about the kids with quiet voices but one of main roles has gone to a child who talks very quietly so I just don’t get it.

I know it’s just a stupid Nativity but it feels DS just gets forgotten and other kids like him. It’s always the clever and confident kids who take centre stage and I’m afraid for quieter and average kids they are just given the one-liners. And so never get a chance to build their confidence or ‘shine’.

I’m a quiet and easy going kind of person and I find that unless you stand up and be counted you’ll be left behind!

Children are asked about roles and in many cases get what suits them... . Most get 1-2 lines at our school... My eldest is always a narrator rather than an acting part as he has a clear voice and freaky recall... Only times he gets more words is when someone is off sick as in infants he pretty much knew everyone's words. He sulks as wants to be a fluffy sheep (no speaking part and suprisingly very cool)...
My youngest is young in year, poorer recall and less confident reader. So he gets to act. He was a donkey in reception.. Stole the show... Sitting their crossed legged like a yoga donkey having delivered his heavy load... Yawning and stripping off when hot and bored, picking his nose etc.

If it happens every year... Mention it as teachers won't necessarily know one year to next.. But this year just chill and enjoy/hide in embarrassment!

Most kids get one line, some get no lines. The off the shelf modern nativity plays usually only have 6-8 proper parts because they have to be appropriate for all school sizes

I'm another with a DD who is always a narrator: she speaks very clearly, is confident, has a good memory etc. This is only relevant because she tells me every time that she puts herself forward for the nativity each year, and she's one of only a handful who do so. I think it is the case that the more confident ones are happy to volunteer for speaking parts (like my DD and one of her friends who both do drama on weekends so are more used to this type of thing iyswim).

Have you asked your DS how he feels about it?

I wouldn’t make a fuss unless he’s like 12 and all the other kids have monologues. My dd is in year 2. She has 4 lines, but it’s seriously the first school play she’s ever had any lines in...and she’s in the drama club and does 4 plays each year. She usually appears for like two minutes, we wave and smile and are pleased for her, and that’s that.

I don’t think they were asked, not according to DS, the teacher just handed out the lines with names against them. DS is 7 so I’ve no reason to doubt what he says about that. He’s adamant.

I just want to understand their thought process. If I don’t say something now I fear he wonders even have one line next year! I know it’s just a kids play but frankly it’s so depressingly predictable.

Won’t not wonder

ReverseGiraffe yes and he’s disappointed and wondering why he only has in his words ‘one stupid line’ 😟

Yabu.

Ds nativity last year he insisted on wearing an angel dress, refused to take any lines and picked his nose for the latter part of it. He says he had a great time

Dd always puts herself forward for parts, she usually learns the whole play and knows it word for word. But she never gets picked. It's the same kids every year.
When you get the program and look at the cast all the main parts are given to children of staff.
This is her last year and she's so excited about finding out tomorrow if she's got the part she wants. I'm dreading after school!

There are 60 kids in my DDs nativity. Impossible for them all to have 1 line, let alone more. There are however lots of songs.
Last year their old school had a cast of 100 for the Christmas play- and 8 speaking parts. The rest were singing and dancing.

Mate - most kids in the nativity are sheep. A couple of kids are the leads and everyone else is lucky to Baa. Don't worry about it, it is not a reflection on your kid and you really don't need to fight their corner on this - because it is really not important. Keep your powder dry for anything that is really impacting your kid - don't be that desperate mum and don't encourage a sense of entitlement/loss in your kid - nowt wrong with being a sheep/shepherd/piece of scenery. Tell them to have fun - enjoy the moment - as a sheep.

My DS has been a townsperson two years now no lines and he has to wear a 'dress'. He's not bothered in the slightest he very sporty good at football maybe the teacher trying to share the love? Must be a pain being the teacher 🍷 Still look really cute thanks teachers.

Would I come across as a neurotic parent if I ask about this?

Yes.
Seriously, do you actually expect the teacher to say "Oh dear PoshBagLady, I never put any thought into this at all. Of course I must pander to any mother that complains. Here, let me take this line of child B, that line off child C and this one off child D, so that your little poppet can have 4 lines. It will be okay because I know their Mums can't get into school to complain so everything will be fine"

BackforGood no, of course I don’t. As I said I’m feeling upset/emotional and rather than ranting to the teacher I’m venting here. I am entitled to feel how I feel. I am not in the habit of expecting teachers to pander to my whims, far from it. But thanks for your reply.

cacklingmags you’re right about that. In the grand scheme of things it’s not important. I definitely agree with ‘keeping powder dry’ for the big stuff. I’m definitely not a demanding parent but every now and then something tips me over the edge

In my DS's school it's always the same (most confident, academically strongest) children who get the main parts. I do wonder if teachers consider the impact this has on the quieter children in the class. Or indeed, how much more of a boost those children might get from being recognised every now and again.

I mentioned it to a friend who said it's good preparation for the real world where he who shouts loudest often gets what he wants.

Sad but true...

My DD auditioned for 15 parts for a class assembly once and didn't get any of them. I don't think she performed very well, she often didn't get a part in school performances. Most of the children who got the good parts spent every Saturday morning in drama classes for years, so of course they were better. I told her that if she wanted a good part she'd have to do that but she didn't want to. She did music instead and had loads of chances to perform without acting, so it worked out in the long run.

Marshmallow you have summed it up perfectly. That’s exactly how I feel. I understand teachers not wanting to force kids who simply don’t want to do it and I get that it makes sense to give big roles to the kids who will deliver. But I honestly feel that’s the easiest path but not always the fairest.

I’m long enough in the tooth to understand how the world works even in primary school. And I don’t think it will hurt for me to politely ask about how they decide who gets what. Not in an angry demanding way, but out of genuinely wanting to understand that. Might nudge them to think more broadly next year...who knows.

I’m a quiet and easy going kind of person and I find that unless you stand up and be counted you’ll be left behind!

Now, I'm always the first to say "don't be that parent" etc. If my ds complains about not being noticed I tell him it doesn't matter and so on.

His dad on the other hand, went to the teacher and told her in no uncertain terms that he'd be great with a big part in the nativity, he'd do a good job and it'd really boost his confidence. I was there at the time and wanted the floor to swallow me up. But ds got a great part (plus a solo to sing) and is doing really well with it...... so maybe sometimes you DO have to push a bit, if you think it matters to your child? 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Thanks for all the replies. Some of them have me laughing out loud 😅

loutypouts your poor DD! I’m rooting for her tomorrow!! Bless her.

Bernadette that’s too funny! As long as he was happy though 😉