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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does he do this?

43 replies

RockMummy89 · 13/11/2019 09:06

For the first 18 months of my relationship with my dp he was amazing, we had such a great relationship. He then moved away for work in the city, he could have commute from the town where we met but decided to move back to his hometown some 45 miles away and since then (4 years later) he has changed towards me.

Started making jokes about me being his side chick, going out and say in he will give me a quick call and doesn't even text to say he can't, saw a message to one of his friends saying now he is in London he falls in love everyday with the number of hot women. Telling me to get back into the kitchen or to stop answering back when I ask him not to talk to me like this then proclaims he is just joking, and because he says it so light heartedly I believe him, so stupid. But now we are on holiday and last night I tripped and fell, he then quipped that my big nose broke my fall. I'm super sensitive about my nose, looking into having surgery, he knows this and yet finds it funny to make this comment. I just dont understand why he is being this way. What should I do?

OP posts:
SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 13/11/2019 18:18

What an earth make you think his outdated misogynistic sexist comments are ok because he says he is "just joking"

If he made a homophobic or racist comment but then said he was "just joking" would you think that was ok too?

He does not respect you and enjoys belittling you based on your gender and appearance. He will not change, this is who he is.

Dump him and his vile attitude. Get on a plane and don't look back.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 13/11/2019 18:21
  • I worded that badly, I meant to say: What an earth makes you thing his attitude is ok to put up with day in day out and are an acceptable way to treat a partner.
MadamShazam · 13/11/2019 18:23

Get rid of the cunt, and kick him in the bollocks when you do.

MikeUniformMike · 13/11/2019 18:25

He checked out of the relationship some time ago. You are the girlfriend he hangs on to because he would be single otherwise.
I'd stay the rest of the holiday and dump him as soon as you get home.

Gemma1971 · 13/11/2019 19:11

Yikes, too reminiscent of my very verbally abusive ex, who would point out my flaws, also poke fun of my nose in a "jokey" way (his was even bigger btw) and then deny he meant ANYTHING by what he said, even though he had effectively told me I needed plastic surgery.

He also did it to me on holiday.

Your boyfriend is NOT a nice person and his text messages show he is also a lech.

Dump without explanation - he doesn't deserve on. Ghost the fuck out of him (unless you need stuff back off him). But show him no mercy. He doesn't deserve it.

And this is probably only the tip of the iceberg. Stay with him for longer, he will only get worse.

Sadly I wasted TOO much time with an arsewipe like this. At least you haven't and you KNOW what he has said and done is wrong. Good for you OP. Personally I would book a separate room and enjoy the rest of my holiday.

Geppili · 13/11/2019 19:17

He is vile. LTB.

RockMummy89 · 13/11/2019 19:50

To be honest when he said that he understands why women of a certain age don't get hired because of the risk of getting pregnant that should have been enough to show who he is. I took him to task on it but I should have just left there and then.

@SunburstsOrMarbleHalls my problem is if it's about other people I'll defend them with all the strength I have. If it's directed at me I'll say something but I'll also just accept it. It definitely is a self esteem problem one I don't think I had before, at least not this bad.

I think I'll see if I can leave but really we are headed back on Saturday so it going home isn't an option I can hold out.

OP posts:
RockMummy89 · 14/11/2019 07:54

So managed to get a flight back this afternoon thankfully.

OP posts:
Twinmummy2018 · 14/11/2019 08:26

Awesome!!

Does he know your leaving?

Twinmummy2018 · 14/11/2019 08:28

When you love someone it’s hard I know.

And even after you leave you will probably reminisce on the good times. But just keep reminding yourself that you two were not right for eachother, he didn’t make you feel good about yourself and there IS someone out there better for you and the only way you will meet him is by closing the door on this unhealthy relantionship .

Wishing you the best.

Gottobefree · 14/11/2019 08:32

OMG leave him. Now.

GroggyLegs · 14/11/2019 08:39

Did something else happen to prompt you getting the flight? Hope you are okay RockMummy.

He sounds awful.

AnneKipanki · 14/11/2019 08:49

Good for you. I was about to write I hope it was not too expensive but one day less in his company is priceless.

RockMummy89 · 14/11/2019 08:52

@GroggyLegs, not really. Just thought his previous comment about women getting pregnant proves his distain for women and in turn me. All because women are the only ones who can carry a child he'd be willing to choose a man. I don't know just makes me think why would he see me differently.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 14/11/2019 09:00

Nice one OP.
You don't need him bringing you down any more.
Put yourself first.
You owe him nothing at all.
He's a misogynistic asshole!
Well spotted OP.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2019 10:24

Good for you.

Let us know when you're home safe.

Ilovethekitties · 14/11/2019 11:59

Go OP!

Get home safely and well done. Work on your self esteem and in time find a man who truly deserves you.

Eckhart · 14/11/2019 12:19

Oh, nice work OP! Well done! Flowers

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