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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does he do this?

43 replies

RockMummy89 · 13/11/2019 09:06

For the first 18 months of my relationship with my dp he was amazing, we had such a great relationship. He then moved away for work in the city, he could have commute from the town where we met but decided to move back to his hometown some 45 miles away and since then (4 years later) he has changed towards me.

Started making jokes about me being his side chick, going out and say in he will give me a quick call and doesn't even text to say he can't, saw a message to one of his friends saying now he is in London he falls in love everyday with the number of hot women. Telling me to get back into the kitchen or to stop answering back when I ask him not to talk to me like this then proclaims he is just joking, and because he says it so light heartedly I believe him, so stupid. But now we are on holiday and last night I tripped and fell, he then quipped that my big nose broke my fall. I'm super sensitive about my nose, looking into having surgery, he knows this and yet finds it funny to make this comment. I just dont understand why he is being this way. What should I do?

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 13/11/2019 09:07

Dump him..... he is awful and is humiliating you and treating you with zero respect

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/11/2019 09:08

He is doing it because he wants to keep you squirming on a hook until he finds someone else. He is doing it because he can.Sad

Dump him OP.Flowers

theboxfamilytree · 13/11/2019 09:09

Leave him.

pinkyredrose · 13/11/2019 09:10

He's a cunt. He's making your life worse not better. Get rid.

Loveagoodpaxo · 13/11/2019 09:10

Have some self respect and ditch him.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 13/11/2019 09:11

What should you do?

Dump the rude, thoughtless, misogynistic twat.

WasFatNowThin · 13/11/2019 09:11

This sounds just like my ex, I wished I hadn't wasted so much of my life with him, though I saw the light and left him - you need to do the same.

nocluewhattodoo · 13/11/2019 09:11

Don't waste anymore time with him, he is treating you horribly. This is who he really is, a nasty creep.

hellsbellsmelons · 13/11/2019 09:15

What should I do?
Re-read your own opening post!
If you don't know the answer to this question as an adult then I'm not sure we can help you. What would you tell a friend who told you the same things?
YOU KNOW what to do!
Dump the scumbag and be free and get out there an enjoy your life!
This is a total no-brainer OP.
Don't overthink it.
He's not very nice. He doesn't deserve you!
That's all you need to know.

AmIThough · 13/11/2019 09:15

Wow he's a piece of shit. At least you don't have any financial ties and have only wasted 4 years with him. Run for the hills.

EmmiJay · 13/11/2019 09:16

Theres truth behind every joke so listen carefully to what hes said. Sounds like a dickhead to me.

BertrandRussell · 13/11/2019 09:16

Dump him. Sorted.

Eckhart · 13/11/2019 09:25

Ugh, OP, your post made me cringe. It must feel horrible to have him treat you that way.

Trying to work out why he's being like this is missing the point a bit, though, I think. You can waste a lot of time staying in an unhappy relationship, trying to work out why somebody is doing hurtful things. You may never know why; you could spend your whole life trying to work it out.

The fact is, he IS doing hurtful things, and it doesn't make sense to you. That's incompatibility, even if they genuinely are jokes, even if his intentions genuinely are good. I'm sorry.

RockMummy89 · 13/11/2019 11:09

You're right trying to understand why he is doing isn't going to help and trying to change him as a person won't help either

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 13/11/2019 11:21

He won't change, or if he agrees to, it won't last. You need to face the fact that this is how he is or leave him.

Phoebebuffay13 · 13/11/2019 11:29

Dump him!

AnneKipanki · 13/11/2019 11:34

Do not waste energy on him .
No point .

Krazynights34 · 13/11/2019 11:42

He’s disgusting. Leave him and find someone who loves you!

PrettyPlainJayne · 13/11/2019 11:43

He just isnt that in to you, harsh but true.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect, there is none of that here. Time to move on.

Twinmummy2018 · 13/11/2019 11:45

You know what i would do?

Book a flight home for today, pack your stuff when hes out the room - leave a note on the bed saying "My nose broke my fall and made me realise your a douchebag and we're done, enjoy London and all the "hot chicks".

Then block him on your phone whats app and all social media and do not look back. Go home pack your most important things and be gone before he returns. Leave another note saying you will arrange for the rest of your stuff to be collected.

Men like this do not deserve any respect.

Ilovethekitties · 13/11/2019 11:47

It doesn't matter why he's doing it, he is and isn't stopping.

Put.him.in.the.bin.

Doesitevenmatternow · 13/11/2019 12:12

Leave him

PersephoneOP · 13/11/2019 12:20

Leave him.

nomoreclue · 13/11/2019 12:27

I second the poster who advised to pack your stuff, get in a taxi and go get a flight. This guy is a disrespectful dickhead and you should get rid of him. Have some self respect. He’s putting you down because he doesn’t care about you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/11/2019 16:55

His mask is starting to slip.

He'll get worse and tear your self-esteem to shreds.

Don't try and understand why.

Just dump him ASAP. Leave the holiday early; are you in the OK or abroad?

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