I just want nothing to do with him anymore

[Ariana324]

My husband has treated me like a piece of crap for a long time. Not violent, but I am continually called a cnt, bitch, idiot etc etc, and shouted at for the smallest thing. Not a day goes by when he doesn't shout at me for something.

It's got to the point where we sleep in separate rooms and I only want to see him when I have to. Sex is rare and feels we are just using each other because we are there rather than affection for each other. He is always on the computer so he's usually out of my way. The other day I said to him I can't see this marriage lasting, I want to have a baby at some point and I can't see that happening with him. He went into a rage saying he will only have a baby if I promise to do all the work to look after it etc etc. Ridiculous.

I made the mistake of going to town with him yesterday, and went to buy some bottled hair dye. He started shouting about the colour I chose - saying I would look a state, and I should have my hair the colour he likes. He then said 'this is why I won't have a baby with you' loudly in the shop. Just humiliating for me.

I feel alone, I can't tell my family and I don't have any close friends to confide in. We are stuck in a 5 year mortgage so I don't think we can sell and move, plus he does not want the marriage to end for mainly financial reasons. It feels hopeless to me, but I feel this is the only place I can anonymously get it out there. Thanks for reading

You really meed to get out of this relationship..sounds toxic..are you tied in with your morgage is that why you cant sell?

Leave. Sell the house. Please don’t stay just because you have a mortgage.

Someone once gave me some advice on here many moons ago about how she wished she’d left her DH years ago because she dreaded his taxi pulling up after a night out because she knew she’d be subjected to hours of torment from him.
She said “I wish you the strength I never had”

It really struck a cord with me and I am now celebrating 5 years of being without him. We had a mortgage and two kids. Go to a friends if your mums or something if you can. Sell the house.

Life is too short to be treated like shit by someone that’s meant to love you.

OP, please be sure to ignore the dangerous bollocks above by @tracylem about 'tapping into his inner desire'. This is a horrible man, and you are worth more than a horrible man.

Sell the house. Divorce. Look forward to your new life. Whatever you do, never have a baby with him - he's not someone worthy of fathering a child.

Wishing you lots of luck. You know you have to end this, and you can

I have reported Tracy as there are numerous posts on this board pushing to that spam link

Jesus if you don't have kids just get the hell out of there. Don't waste another week.

Mortgages can be sorted - talk to a financial advisor about what could actually be done. I fucking bet he doesn't want the marriage to end! He's got someone helping him fund a place to live and probably doing the majority of the grunt work. Plus he'd have to go to all the effort of disguising how much of a nasty aggressive pig he is to someone else until he can snare another poor sod.

Do you have any equity at all? If there's really nothing going to come out of the house, or it's only going to be a few grand, then leave! Let him stay in the house, pay the mortgage himself and he can fucking keep it, file for divorce and fly free. You have no kids - I can't tell you how much of a blessing this is in these circumstances. You have a job, yes? You could literally leave, put your things in storage and rent a room/lodge and keep your outgoings to nothing until you get sorted. You could move jobs, move to a new city.

If there is significant money in your house, that is different... but in that case, your option is to sell and pay the penalty, because you would be able to afford to. But what you do is the same. You leave, you file for divorce, and you put the house sorting in the hands of a solicitor. You don't even have to talk to him.

And yes, please tell your friends and family. You've done nothing wrong and you might be surprised by their reaction. Go to them resolute, tell them - and then, tell them your plan to get out. There's nothing but admiration to be had for that.

Finally, just think what happens if you don't do this now. A LIFETIME of this treatment. A LIFETIME of this pig living with you. A lovely older friend of mine is in this situation. She hates him and has done for years. It's not a life.

Oh yes and ignore that spamming fanny above.

LOL 'just tap into his inner desire'

Tap into his inner susceptibility to strychnine poisoning more like

@tracylem 😂😂😂 DFOD.

OP - leave, don't look back - start your new life from today.

Keep your head held high and leave him when YOU can & want to! What he wants does not matter ..

Best wishes OP 🌷

You have come further than you know Ariana - you have taken some important steps and you are now on your way to a much happier life. You know the “relationship” is not just dead but abusive. You have posted on here. You have identified the “barriers” to leaving. So you are working through it.

You know that you want babies in a calm, peaceful and loving home. You deserve this and so do any babies you have. And you will achieve this.

But not with this man.
Do not let him waste any more of your finite fertile years and erode your MH.

You can pay a fee to leave a fixed mortgage. Best money you will spend in your life. Talk to your family. See a lawyer. Plot your way out - ducks in a row before you tell him.

You can do this. You deserve this.

OP you deserve so much more than this. He is abusive, end of. Leave as soon as you can.

Five years is a hell of a long time to be stuck in a relationship with someone who you want nothing to do with. I'm sure there must be a way around the financial situation because no matter what financial product you committed to, it's not unusual for life situations to change.
Why can't you talk to your family about your situation? They may well be able to help you to see a way to leave your marriage and move on with your life.

Keep posting here OP. We will hold your hand. There are also the legal, property and divorce topics where MNers with expert advice and personal experience can help.

This is dreadful, OP. No one deserves to be treated this way.

You CAN get out of this mortgage. You will not be the first person ever to have gotten out a mortgage before it runs out. Please go and talk to your mortgage provider about this. Once you know what needs to be done you can get the ball rolling on the steps you have to take to get away from this person.

Please leave or make plans to leave. You only have one life, don't stay in an unhappy marriage just because you have a mortgage. Make sure you're safe though. This type of behaviour can escalate when leaving a relationship.

I am in a similar situation minus the marriage. I left about a week ago and although I am struggling I know it is the right thing. It’s a lot easier to give out advice however just imagine how miserable you’d be if you ended up having children with ‘man’. He’s is absolutely disgusting and you deserve someone who actually respects you! Please run a mile, a mortgage should never tie someone down. Happiness > money

Stay strong

Don't give your kids a father like that. You're his rag doll to kick.

I will never understand why people will stay in an unhappy home because of finances. Unless you’re being financially abused usually it is possible to simply pack a bag & spirit off, leaving all the messy financial stuff to sort itself out at a later date

In situations like this I would think “that’s for Future Prawn to worry about” and then do what makes you happy in the immediate moment

It’s just money, you can always make more money. Houses get sold, solicitors help untangle financial webs.

Do not martyr yourself for a mortgage

I understand not feeling able to tell your friends and family that all is not well in your world. You don't have to tell everyone - just confide in those you trust. And if you really feel there's no-one in real life to support you, might your workplace have a confidential support line service?

You will have options but it probably seems all too scary. We sometimes rationalise staying by thinking 'better the devil we know', and all that, when in reality we are condemning ourselves to an unhappy 'existence', when we could be having a life, as Fizzy has said.

I know the fear of the unknown can hold us back from taking that first step and following through. I write from experience, like others on here.

He is abusing you and you know it.

Definitely do not get pregnant with him, he sounds awful.

Please make plans to leave and sell the house. Even if you lose some money on the mortgage, nothing is worth being with someone who calls you names and belittles you every single day.

You are worth much more than this. Please believe this.

he does not want the marriage to end for mainly financial reasons.

I don't understand this statement ?

He's a pig... there's a better reason OP. [flowers

Presumably his main financial reason is OP's share of the mortgage.

Good grief! How old are you? I am imagining 20’s/30’s given your desire for children? Now imagine 50 more years of being yelled at. You only get one life - don’t waste it!

Of course you can tell your family OP. Tell them and leave this utter abusive man