How would you react?

[HakunaMatataa]

DH went through and read my text messages. Of course I have nothing to hide but I'm so annoyed by it. He didnt ask me and he didn't mention it until I asked him (I saw the messages on my recent apps), he said he was just having a play. He has never done this before. He has no reason not to trust me. We know each others passwords ect. I would never dream of going through his phone unless I'd asked first and have never read his messages. He went back a whole year and read all the messages.

I guess what I'm asking is how would you feel if your partner done this. Am I silly to be annoyed?

Nope.. not pre-him I was pregnant with our DS a year ago. Makes no sense!

Was he checking the bairns his?

I would be properly annoyed, it would take a while to stop being angry about it. Especially since he thinks it isn't a big deal to your face. It obviously was if he spent that amount of time snooping.

So what old life?

Doesnt even make sense.

Doesn't make sense at all. He must be feeling insecure or worried about something because he went out of his way to go so far back. It's sad and unfair on you that he's acting on a feeling that has caused him to invade your privacy, but won't share what that feeling was.

I've got a low opinion of men at the moment but based on my own experiences I'd wonder whether he was judging you by his own standards. Could it be possible that he's been up to something he shouldn't, even just a texting flirtation and so it's made him check your texts out? This is what my soon to be exH was like anyway. Always suspicious and checking up on me because he was a lying cheating dickhead!

Could he be checking to see if you knew about something he'd been up to / wondering if you had suspicions that you'd voiced to friends?

I'd be fine with it but I'd assume he's changing me by his own morals. So is he having an affair?

Changing = judging.

It would annoy me and make me wonder if HE was the one with something to hide.

Wouldn’t worry me. I’d just ask if everything was ok. Honestly though, I don’t think I’d care less...most of my messages are from my DH anyway.

The 'having a play' comment and the 'old life' comment don't make sense. Could this be the kind of thing a bad liar might say when put on the spot and having to invent a reason out of thin air?

I agree that he should explain himself, but nothing excuses what he did- it's not even like he saw anything dodgy on your phone 'by mistake' so had to look at the rest, or anything like that.

He wouldn't do it, but if he did I'd find it controlling and disrespectful. Trust is everything & I'd be furious & very upset if he did that. And he could if he wanted to, as could I, we know each other's passcodes.

Ask him how he'd feel should you have done the same, ask him why and what he stood to gain from it and if his curiosity was sated.
Then tell him to do one.

OP, he looked back at your messages to when you were pregnant a year ago then could that be the reason?

What other reason could there be for going back that far?

If nothing else springs to mind my money is on him checking to see if you were texting any other guys or your mates about a bf or whatever as he’s wondering if the child is his. Does he ever say dc doesn’t look like him or ask you anything about did you have bfs at the time of conception etc?
Are any of his pals kids if dubious fathering? They could be voicing their suspicions about their wives cheating and he’s wondering if you did? Talk to him.

The going through my phone wouldn't bother me at all.
I have nothing to hide.
However I would never dream of going through his phone
But I think you should.
Something has triggered this.
Is it his own guilt?
Is he judging you by his own standards?
I'd be asking to look through is phone. Not now. Give a few days.

If he's searching through your phone then he will know how to cover his tracks, so you need to catch him off guard!

I guess I'm upset at the clear lack of trust and the dismissive response when I asked him
Well he clearly thinks he's got you wrapped around his little finger - and that he can get away with this kind of shit.
I bet it isn't/won't be the first time either.....he'll just cover his tracks better next time.

I'd put a lock on my phone and never give him access to it.

He's talking crap. Having a play and having a look at your old life which is when you were with him? Nah, don't buy that BS excuse at all. He is after something or checking something for a reason. I wouldn't let him off the hook.

Hes not off the hook. Although I'm not sure he cares. All I got was I know how it looks but it was really just me having a play.

Told him I feel he doesnt trust me and asked what he was looking for, he said nothing. I asked if he found anything interesting and he said no. I've hardly spoken to him all day but hes just carrying on as normal. Brushing it under the carpet.

There is no doubt DS is his. He was and is my only partner and hes the spit of his dad. I really dont want to think its guilty conscience (spelling?) on his part. I trust him implicitly. Although clearly he may not trust me.

If he genuinely was just having a play why not just mention it or even ask. Still now I wouldn't go through his phone. I respect his privacy. I guess that's what it boils down to for me. Not that there was anything he shouldn't have seen but still. The principal of it.

I don't even want to have to keep bringing the conversation up, it makes me feel stupid. In his eyes he's obviously done no wrong and I'm probably blowing it out of proportion.

Just sit him down and tell him once and forcefully how this has made you feel and then move on and get back to normal life if you can - unless the fucker does it again.

He doesnt care, that you are upset?

Theres clearly a large issue there. If dp did something that upset me, even if he didnt intend that way he would be apologetic and care he had upset me.

What does he mean playing? Since when does playing involve trawling through and reading years of messages.

Honestly, op, my echo became obsessed I was cheating. For no reason, he was convinced I was cheating or had in the past. Followed by starting ri go through my phone. For no reason apparantly, also said if I had nothing to hide, why would I care. Then he managed to get my Google and Samsung account on my laptop. And the started tracking me.

He became abusive, he used to be very gentle. Not the type to hit a woman, yet this escalated. I left, with the kids. Within 3 weeks he had a new woman and moved in with her 6 weeks later.

He clearly was seeing her before. Everything slotted into place.

If you are playing on someones phone, that doesnt include going through messages. I would be this months wage, its not the first time either. Do you believe he did it once and happened to get caught?