How would you react?

[HakunaMatataa]

DH went through and read my text messages. Of course I have nothing to hide but I'm so annoyed by it. He didnt ask me and he didn't mention it until I asked him (I saw the messages on my recent apps), he said he was just having a play. He has never done this before. He has no reason not to trust me. We know each others passwords ect. I would never dream of going through his phone unless I'd asked first and have never read his messages. He went back a whole year and read all the messages.

I guess what I'm asking is how would you feel if your partner done this. Am I silly to be annoyed?

I'd be a bit irritated tbh and would want to know why. To read a whole years worth takes effort

I'd ask him if he was upset or feeling insecure about something.

It wouldn't be a problem for me other than being worried as to why he was doing that.

I’d be raging.

Wtf was he going back a year looking for. There is more to this than meets the eye I’m sure. A year ffs!!

You may feel he has no reason to doubt you but I think he was looking for something. He didn’t find it but what was he after? You need to speak about it. If he thinks you are up to something or bitching about him behind his back then you’d want to know right? Or has anyone you know had an affair and he’s trying to find out about it for their husband who is his pal or something? Any pals had babies of dubious fathering? Like his mates wife that the mate thought she was having an affair or something?

I'd feel a bit violated. I don't see how this is just 'having a play,' especially as he looked back a whole year. It's kind of controlling, as now you might feel you have to be extra careful what you write.

You're the opposite of me btw lol, I don't keep anything. x

I'd be very pissed off. Very disrespectful.
Husband knows my password but I would see that as an invasion of my privacy.

I also would think it very strange and would insist on knowing why.

Yes I really feel my privacy has been invaded and just like he doesnt trust me. I told him yesterday how I felt about it and he said he can see my point but he was just playing. Makes no sense to me.
As far as I know he has no reason to be looking. It's just the fact that it must have taken a while to go through a years worth of messages.

I'm going to see if he says anything to today. I'm actually so annoyed, I genuinely dont think I'd be so upset if he would have asked me or at least given me a reasonable explaination

MN has made m v suspicious over time ..

he was looking for something .. after perhaps something he heard or was told ...

maybe some sort of ‘dirt’ incase of him being caught out doing something he was not meant to or to justify something ..

I think for him to go into that much detail he must be worried about something and he needs to tell you what it is.

If he can't, then be angry because it is an invasion of privacy but posters tell women to look through their husbands phone all the time on here so if he can justify it you need to discuss that.

"Playing" - sorry, how is it play?

Yes. I agree. 'Having a play' really doesnt cut it. Once the school runs done I'm going to see if he will tell me truthfully why he felt he needed to.
Hopefully I get some answers

I would be absolutely raging. It's like reading someones diary.

The having a play doesnt cut it. But there are hundreds of posts here, from women who were also playing/saw by accident etc and they gets lots of support in MN.

Even when they havenr found anything, they are encouraged to believe anything incriminating will have been deleted, or the most innocent of texts to a work colleague hides an affair.

I would expect this is not the first or last time he is going to it.

I've never seen a woman on here say she was "having a play" when she went snooping. Or claimed accidental when she went back a years worth of texts. Most of them say they know it was really invasive etc.

I think it's a really weird and dismissive way of explaining himself. Like private conversations with your friends should be his entertainment.

Yes @category12 that's what I thought. He did completely dismiss it. I havent spoken to him since he said that, apart from to say I was pissed off and that I feel he doesn't trust me.

At least be honest about the reasoning behind it. You dont just think, 'oh I'll spend ages scrolling through these messages'.

I just feel hurt that clearly he doesn't trust me, or feel able to talk to me about it truthfully. I have never ever betrayed his trust.

Having a play? 😂😂 Of course he was 👍 That famous iMessage app 'Candy Crusha-message' right? Ask him what level he got to?

Trust is definitely an issue for him to do that to you.

My gut would tell me something was up and I was being fobbed off.

He either gives you a believable explanation or I would tell him he has broken your trust.

This would be enough to make me end the relationship.

I seriously dislike the "well if you've got suspicions trust your gut and check his phone" always recommended on MN. If you are at the point where you don't have enough trust or respect for someone which would stop you from invading their privacy like that - the relationship is either at an end or needs work in a different way.

It's also a gross invasion of the privacy of your friends/family who you text.

I'd be putting a lock on it sharpish

He’s not up to anything is he? Sometimes people accuse when they are up to no good

I can't imagine being that bothered by it, he'd have to be very bored indeed to bother looking at my phone.

My phone is incredibly boring. I guess I'm upset at the clear lack of trust and the dismissive response when I asked him.

Hes poorly at the hospital at the moment (no it wasnt me lol) so the conversation has been put on a back burner but it needs to be had.

The best way i can describe it is disappointment i guess. If he asked I'd have had no problem, it's the sneaking about.

Thanks for all the advice. Just wasnt sure if I was being pretty but I need to know why he felt the need to look and also as mentioned above it's not just my privacy, but also my friends and familys. I shouldn't imagine he would be too impressed if the shoe was on the other foot.

Maybe he was seeing how easy it was to get into a phone. To check how easy you would find his....

People don’t do this for no reason. Something has made him suspicious.

I would be very angry.

In order to drive home how you feel about it, why don't you ask him, as soon as you sit him down to hand over his phone, and you start reading his messages.
His reaction will speak volumes.

So apparently he was just looking through (my) old life, which is why he went back so far and he wouldn't care less if I done the same to him and he trusts me 100%

Think I'm actually more annoyed

Why your old life?

Pre him?

That's non of his business