Think my marriage is over and I'm devastated

[Fairycake2]

My husband and I have been together 8 years, married almost 5. We have a daughter each, both the same age from previous relationships. My husband has been really down recently and finally told me it was me and my daughter causing the problem. He said he still loves me but doesnt think he's 'in love' with me any more. He wants to try though which I'm taking as a good sign and I think we can work through that bit. However, he's also told me he finds my daughter really annoying and he cant bare to be near her. He said he's felt this way for some time but has just kept quiet about it. Again he said he's willing try and resolve things but I don't even know where to start. My daughter can be annoying (can't they all) but she's generally a good kid. She's just very different to my husbands daughter and I don't think this helps. I guess I hadn't noticed but we have been spending less and less time together as a family so I've suggested we start small and just do a few hours at a time. Do you think we can save this and if so how? Or am I basically going to be getting divorce number 2. Any advice would be most appreciated

He doesn't like your daughter! I'd be gone. She's a child

What is it about your dd does he not like?

Do not even attempt to repair what this DICK considers is wrong. Choose your daughter every time OP, she's your baby... a young girl aged 8 years old. Tell him to move out.

Good luck..

@Verily1 he hasn't said other than she has some traits of her dad.

I really don't think any child should have to live in a home with someone who doesn't like them. Kids are super intuitive about stuff like this and it does have an effect.

Sorry you are in this situation OP.

He doesn't like your dd - that's not fixable.

Put her first.

I don't think this will get any better - only worse as your dd grows up into a teenager and then a young person with their own mind, views and opinions. How horrid it will be for her to be surrounded by a man who despises her, a stepsister probably of the same opinion as her father, and a mother who appeases the pair of them because she wants to avoid announcing divorce number 2. What a message to send.

Alternatively, announce to the world that your dd always has been and always will be No 1 and there's no place for anyone who thinks otherwise.

I wrote a post like this last week about oh and my daughter....I kicked him out on friday

Read my thread, my oh didn't like my daughter. My daughter is older than yours but you can't stay with a man like that.

In what way is your daughter annoying OP? In what way is she different from his daughter?

Omg. I can't believe you're taking it as a 'good sign' that he want to try and fix things.

He has told you he doesn't like your child because she reminds him of her father.

What an absolute CUNT. what the hell are you dithering over? Kick the bastard out. This will only get worse as the poor kid gets older. Don't choose a man over you 8yo daughter's happiness.

It's a no brainer - surely!!!!!

How old are the DDs - I assume children rather than teens?

Thank you all. Sadly I know you are right, it won't get better. She'll always be my number one priority and I would do anything to protect her. Am scared of being alone but need to get my big girl pants on and start looking for a new house

@RandomMess the girls are both 9

@bangheadhere40 how do I find your post?

It really isn't going to get better

As someone who has watched this closely for 11 years, go on with their DN now 18 please put your DD first, DSis partner can’t stand my DN and they both blame her for everything and they home life was awful they ended up completely volatile with each other, she’s had a very rough upbringing and shes now a very shy 18 year old with very deep confidence issues and no validation and completely mixed up and within a month of her turning 16 she moved in with my other DSis and is slowly getting somewhere with her issues and has tried to build her relationship with her mother to no avail, but her and her mothers relationship is unrepairable as her mother still sees all the problems are because of DN and DN just needs to except the way they both are and are sorry for nothing as it’s allowed all because DN is so awful they won’t take no responsibility for how things went nor change anything

I think you search for my username, it's in the relationship section

So he’s been with you since both your kids were 12 months old? He’s known your daughter since she was a baby and effectively helped raise her, but now he ‘can’t bear to be near her’? Yeah, sorry, but Positiv is right. He’s a cunt.

So sorry, OP. Hope you and your little girl are OK

Bangheadhere40 i applaude you. OP, you are strong enough to do it. We are all here ❤

Please don't continue this marriage, always put your daughter first. I'd bin anyone who said they couldn't stand my daughter.
My stepfather hated me for just existing even though I was a really placid well behaved child and as a result I've suffered from fear, anxiety , panic attacks and low self esteem for years and never really got over it.
He still hates me, I am nearly 60 and my relationship with my mother is dead.

As pp's have said if you've been together 8 years he's known her almost her whole life. (and surely has some input in raising her) so this is just awful cunt behaviour. Even if he wants to fix things he's always going to be resentful to your daughter. Please leave for her sake.
I also wonder if he's using this as an excuse to leave the marriage.

He's having an affair. He's just finding excuses. Kick him out.

I'd say he was playing away and is using this as an excuse as he k ows there'll be no way back

Really sorry OP. Be strong n take comfort in yr DD and any support networks you have.