Hope this helps someone

[almostfreeatlast]

This month it’s been a year since I spoke to the narcissistic, control freak, abusive toxic ex who I was completely and utterly in love with for far far too long.

I tried time and time again to break free - while really deep down just hoping the ‘shock’ would change him. I was totally dependent on him for all happiness but all he really caused me with sadness to the point of self harm and suicidal thoughts.

I posted on the NC threads in here a few times but kept breaking the NC. I’d be amazed at the people who had managed 2/3 weeks and here was me unable to do a couple of days.

Well I did it. For a whole year. And not to shock him into change this time but because I actually just wanted to be done with feeling so crap all of the time and constantly waiting for the few glimpses of affection he would give me after lots of false promises. I won’t lie I still think about him an awful lot but not with the same pain in my stomach I used to.

It’s hard to convey how addicted I was to this man but I just wanted to post in case this helps someone who is a possibly struggling with a bad relationship but feels they can’t live without them. You absolutely can!!!

That's great to hear.. thanks for posting x

I also did NC with the help and support of a thread on here. It really does work.
I’m so pleased for you! Hope life is good now. I’m now 2 years and 2 months NC

Thank you for posting this, I'm only 5 days NC and finding it so hard. But I want to be free from the relationship completely so I know I have to keep going. Just wish I could switch my mind off and not think of him so much.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

and huge congratulations on going NC for a whole year.

@mistygreen. You said you wanted to 'switch my mind off'.

Something you can do anywhere - at work, travelling, in bed, whilst shopping is to breathe. Concentrate on taking a deep breath in to the count of 4, then think "5" as you hold the breath and let it out slowly going 4-3-2-1.

if you have strong young lungs you can make this 12345-6-54321 if that works better.

But whilst you are concentrating on breathing you CANNOT think about anything else, the brain just doesn't let you . Good luck

Thanks everyone!

I just want people to know they can do it too. Even when it seems impossible.

I can’t even remember what was the final straw with him. I eventually blocked his number so that even when I inevitably texted him, I couldn’t see his replies. Then he called me and I spoke to him briefly then text and made it very clear things were finished - no idea if he replied or not but that was the last time I spoke to him.

@mistygreen I completely get where you’re coming from. The breathing advice someone else has given sounds great! I developed weird habits of wriggling my toes and shaking my foot etc just to occupy my mind and I still do it all now even when just sitting watching tv

Thankyou. I'm only a few hours NC and struggling already.

Well done for finding the strength to keep it up and be content without him

Well done!
It's great that you've taken the time to come back and share your experience.
Fantastic news

Good luck @KeepYourCup

You can do this. I promise you’ll be much happier without him eventually

God I needed to read this tonight....I am on day 6 of NC and finding it really hard today! But it's the weekend and I always do....I know once I wake up in the morning I will be fine!

I so want to be rid of him!

@heneverkeepshisword One day, it might not be this time, but one day you’ll be ready to just do it. I hope it is this time! I found the threads on here not that helpful (ironic considering I’m posting in here) because I did feel they were mainly full of people who were hoping that their person would come running back if they went quiet on them. And that was definitely me at one point.

I hope you’re ok

No I'm determined for it to be this time!

I have another thread going and all the people on there are what have made me get this far! Before I would of given in after a few hours....I have never made it this long! So I am so determined not to go back this time!

I am watching YouTube like it's going out of fashion! But just knowing he is a horrible person and I was in love with his words is what is helping me!

Thankyou and well done to you for getting to a year!

Thanks OP.

I am out the other side too, trying to explain the impact of the addiction and the inability to get through the trauma bond to someone who has never experienced it is impossible. I hit some of the lowest points of my life during and after my relationship with him.

I’m with someone else now, and he’s everything that the narcissist wasn’t and my new person is a real person, not a facade.

We all deserve the happy ending

Yes that's the hardest thing...no one understands

i'm through the other side too OP - almost a year. I can see him for the abusive violent controlling manipulating monster he is now. He started the hoovering process a few weeks ago, and previously I would have responded positively. This time?

Well done!

What I can't believe is that they still try even a year down the line

It is unbelievable that they reach out after such a long time. Mine asked to meet up recently after a VERY long time

I belong to him of course he'll keep coming back.

He thinks that with all his exes. Has us on rotation until we break the cycle. Twat.

Yea I'm still getting my head around it all!

I'm such an idiot I've messaged him this morning. It was ridiculous I just messaged 'is my umbrella in your car?' He replied 'will look later' I don't even need it I realised I left it in there last weekend and have already bought a new one, but I was desperate to have contact with him and I now I feel like I'm back at the beginning again 😢

Aww noooooo Misty :(

You’re not ready yet.

Oh no 😫 did you unblock him to do that?

Yes I unblocked him, and now I'm crying again, why can't I just stop wanting him? 😢