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Relationships

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Original poster

Online date seems weird

27 replies

Claire926 · 09/11/2019 17:22

I had a date with a guy last weekend. We had been talking online for a few months. When I arrived I was shocked as he had bought me a bouquet of flowers. I understand he was trying to make a good impression but I felt it signalled he was needy and desperate as I had not met him before or done anything to deserve them.

At the end of the date he asked when our second date was and I could tell he wanted a kiss. I don't kiss people on a first date as I need to get to know someone properly. As I felt pressurised about a second date I said lets see how it goes with no pressure and we can message. I didn't like being put on the spot for a decision as I like to process my thoughts.

He messaged the next day and then he ignored my 2 messages for 4 days saying he had been 'busy'. Whereas before he messaged me daily. His messages are short and not as friendly.

Am I best to knock this one on the head? I don't like the thought of rushing into a relationship with a stranger I might not be compatible with and who is now playing mind games with the I'm busy just because I wouldn't give in for a second date straight away.

OP posts:

ooooohbetty · 09/11/2019 17:24

Obviously you should knock it on the head immediately. He's a control freak nutter.

theboxfamilytree · 09/11/2019 17:33

Oh no. He bought you flowers. How terrible. Run for the hills.

Kyvia · 09/11/2019 17:34

In my experience, if you don’t know you want to see them again by half way through the first date, it’s never going to work.

theendoftheendoftheend · 09/11/2019 17:35

Something about it has made you feel uncomfortable/unsure so yes it would be quite reasonable to knock it on the head.

ihatethecold · 09/11/2019 17:40

What’s wrong with buying you flowers?

Amazonfromkent · 09/11/2019 19:15

God almighty!! How DARE he buy you flowers!!! 😱😱😱😱

supercali77 · 09/11/2019 19:25

I have to agree with OP. Turning up with flowers/trying to take your hand and shiz like that on a first date is mortifying (to me and others I know too). Pressure gets added, it's a first date! Which is more like a meeting to see if you actually want a proper date with them. And the whole 'busy' crap after. I would bin it off.

Lifeisabeach09 · 09/11/2019 19:32

I don't think he is playing mind games. He seems to be taking a leaf out of your book. You were noncommittal about a second date.
He likely took it as a sign of disinterest so, of course, he isn't going to message you everyday.
As for the flowers, he was trying to make a nice gesture. Goodness.

Notthetoothfairy · 09/11/2019 19:34

I think the flowers are sweet but his behaviour after the date not so much. Up to you, but his playing mind games doesn’t bode well.

Fairylea · 09/11/2019 19:37

I think the flowers are nice!

You just sound incompatible. You sound a bit cold and stand off ish for him. He wants to jump in with both feet. Neither is wrong, just different.

BumbleBeee69 · 09/11/2019 19:44

I hope he finds someone soon who treasures his bringing flowers.

Crystal87 · 09/11/2019 20:06

He realised you weren't keen on him ,so he's not going to waste his time with you. That's why he's not messaging.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 09/11/2019 20:11

I dont think he was weird especially, not unless there were more to it than you have said. He couldn't be expected to predict you didn't like or wants flowers.

If you're not interested anyway, I dont see the problem.

PurpleDaisies · 09/11/2019 20:13

I understand he was trying to make a good impression but I felt it signalled he was needy and desperate as I had not met him before or done anything to deserve them.

This is crazy. He bought you flowers because that’s what many men do on a first date.

Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 09/11/2019 20:14

it sounds like he gets the impression you are t really into him so he’s taking a step back. Up to you, but sounds like you’re not really that bothered with him.

SevenStones · 09/11/2019 20:26

After talking online for a few months it's totally appropriate to give you flowers when you finally meet up.

I feel for him. You've gone cold and he's gleaned from that you're not interested anymore, so he's cooled off.

And now you're accusing him of playing mind games!

Yes, knock it on the head, he deserves someone who appreciates a nice gesture.

thecatsarecrazy · 09/11/2019 20:33

Why does everyone have to play stupid fucking games all the time... Ignoring messages taking days to reply.. being short with each other.. is nobody honest anymore? If u don't fancy him blow him out find someone you do.

thecatsarecrazy · 09/11/2019 20:36

I got ghosted it hurt like fuck. Instead of being honest he said he had been busy with work. Never heard from him again. I would rather he grew some balls

VioletCharlotte · 09/11/2019 20:40

Listen to your gut. If you feel that something isn't right, you're probably correct.

pyramidbutterflyfish · 09/11/2019 20:44

I agree, flowers are embarrassingly OTT, plus you have to lug them round all evening. There's about 7.5 million single men in the uk, I'd try another one.

Doesitevenmatternow · 09/11/2019 20:52

I think you're being extremely unfair about the flowers. You had been messaging for a while.

When my DP and I turned up for our first date he had brought me chocolate and i had written him a poem. It was all a joke based on the fact we realised beforehand we had accidentally organised our 'casual coffee' for valentine's. But there was a bit of rapport which made it possible. Perhaps that's how your guy felt?

I don't know what the confusion about the second date is. You either fancy him or you don't. That's the only reason to see him again.

BumbleBeee69 · 09/11/2019 21:16

We had been talking online for a few months. When I arrived I was shocked as he had bought me a bouquet of flowers. I understand he was trying to make a good impression but I felt it signalled he was needy and desperate as I had not met him before or done anything to deserve them.

I'm a bit confused by this, or maybe I'm just not getting the 'Online Dating' thing... but why bother spending months getting to know someone online, then accuse them of being needy because he's still keen after actually meeting? what were you're expectations OP, after months of chatting online, I'm genuinely interested.. was it an instant non attraction for you, on seeing him ?

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 09/11/2019 23:13

Why do you have to do something in order to "deserve" flowers?

Surely they are a gift, not earned.

Sn0tnose · 09/11/2019 23:27

Obviously it goes without saying that you’re completely in the right not to have any more contact with him if you don’t want to. You owe him nothing.

However, I don’t think he sounds weird. He’s been talking to you on line for a few months, he probably thought that buying you flowers was a nice thing to do, you didn’t want to commit to a second date but you still want the same level of contact and attention as before, while you make up your mind if you want to see him again. Perhaps he thinks that you’re keeping him dangling on a string in case anything better comes along.

Sn0tnose · 09/11/2019 23:28

I hit Post Message too soon. I was going to add that he doesn’t owe you anything either.

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