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Relationships

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Original poster

If you met online dating, how long did it take to find each other?

67 replies

AbsolutelyDishwater · 08/11/2019 19:52

I’ve been online dating a year, on and off.

Met one person I was excited about but he had taken a job in the US the day before we first met, so it didn’t go anywhere!

I’ve been on a lot of dates and had a lot of chats. So fed up and feel like it’s never ending. They all seem really keen and I even if I give it a go for a few dates, I soon lose interest. On the wrong side of 35 too so feel like time isn’t on my side.

People say it’s a numbers game but really how many more do I need to meet!!

OP posts:

Lillipops · 08/11/2019 22:07

Ok so I met my other half 6 years ago next week on POF luckily was no psychos..I think I weeded the out. We've just bought our first home together and I couldn't be happier. I met him one night for a drink and literally never went home, I moved in with him after 6 weeks...dreams do come true!

FlyingPenguine · 08/11/2019 22:08

I've been online dating for two years. I've been on quite a few dates, three short spells of seeing someone for around three months, then each one turned out to be married/flakey or cheating it's hard OP I feel your pain. Online dating can be lots of fun but also a massive waste of time. I try to have a new date every couple of weeks, like you.

kitk · 08/11/2019 22:11

OP, van I strongly suggest higher expectations? I started OLD at 24, met my ex at 25 and we had a baby and broke up when I was 28. Restarted OLD at 31 and met dream guy at 33 and still together. I truly credit my success for being ruthless about what I wanted and not accepting less. This is likely controversial and simplistic but it worked for me. Don't give up OP, just get pickier x

Sushiroller · 08/11/2019 22:46

2 years on and off ish.

I started at 32 met him just before turning 35
Totally, totally worth it.

TheStuffedPenguin · 08/11/2019 23:29

3 months and he was my number 6.

onthecoins · 08/11/2019 23:41

3 months. Together now 9 years.

pollyglot · 09/11/2019 01:20

3 months. Lots of nice men who wanted to get serious, but they were just not right. We've been together 19 years now, and it just gets better. BTW, we were both in our 50s at the time - you are never too old!

Theresa45 · 09/11/2019 03:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 09/11/2019 07:16

Oh Theresa.

holiday70 · 09/11/2019 07:30

On and off for 5 years. A few situationships and lots of first dates.

ukgift2016 · 09/11/2019 07:53

On and off for 3 years. Had a really shitty time OD before I met my current boyfriend. It's now been 18 months and we live together and planning to buy a house next year.

morgycat · 09/11/2019 08:17

As a man and a good and honest one at that I have found the online dating process pretty depressing on the whole. It has felt like most women are looking for the most attractive and athletic man in the world and that their expectations of a new relationship are beyond reasonable but I do understand they are cautious and careful about what they are letting themselves in for. Certainly for my age I am fit, healthy and athletically built and of reasonable looks so I'm told. I am not looking for a super model or a millionaire but just a reasonable woman who wants to see if there is enough there to work on and develop first into a friendship and then possibly more. But it's so hard to find someone like that. I can only relate to someone who is several years younger than me as my outlook on life and my physical attributes are much more akin to a woman younger than myself. But as soon as age is mentioned and the age difference I'm looking at then it all comes to an end. I'm not a sugar daddy and I don't want a younger woman to boost my ego but someone who I can relate to. But scepticism sets in and it goes nowhere.

RaspberryGirl · 09/11/2019 08:24

At least five years on and off for me. Currently off as it’s definitely got worse over that time and I’m finding the behaviour on various sites tiresome to say the least.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 09/11/2019 08:47

@morgycat what sort of age are you looking for? Of course most young women don't want saddling with a much older man. How many years younger do you aim for?

Grobagsforever · 09/11/2019 08:49

I've had two relationships from online dating. First one took a month to find, he was my second date, I was his first. Relationship lasted two years and ended amicably.

I dated on and off for about a year after that, probably about 10 first dates, no second dates. Then met current boyfriend, been together a year, we're in it for the long haul. He's just brought me tea in bed and is entertaining my kids downstairs:) I was also post 35 and a single parent to boot.

Tips? Confidence and no bullishit, it's attractive. I'm no oil painting but was not short of offers, I think due to this approach.

Grobagsforever · 09/11/2019 08:51

@morgycat - Ewwww. Date someone your own age FFS. Men who feel entitled to a younger woman just because they hit the gym are grim. Also try looking slightly older than yourself as it sounds like you'd benefit from some mature perspective in your life.

FungusTheToegyman · 09/11/2019 08:58

I met up with 4 people, spoke to probably 20 more

FungusTheToegyman · 09/11/2019 09:00

I worked on just going on dates as something to do rather than hoping to start a relationship. I just wanted to meet people and have fun really. That meant when I met my wife there was no pressure and I was relaxed and not stressy

Oh and this, totally this

AliasGrape · 09/11/2019 09:11

I first joined a dating site around 11 years ago after splitting from a long term ex. I met my now fiancé online about 4 years ago.

I didn’t online date for the entire 7 years though. It was pretty on and off. I had a few ‘relationships’ of anywhere from 3-8 months in that time, mostly through online dating but a couple I actually met ‘in real life’ (literally 2, actually one of those I originally met in an online capacity just not a dating site! It’s ridiculously hard to meet people in real life). They were fairly decent guys in the main and I had a nice time, but nothing stuck.

I also waded through whole mountains of shit. Time wasters, dick pics, people who seemed super keen then ghosted me, people who couldn’t have been more different from their pictures/online personas, people who talked almost exclusively about their exes, people who talked almost exclusively about eating roadkill At first it was funny and just another story to tell my mates, then it got to be depressing and affecting my confidence so I gave it a rest.

I think I joined match on a special offer for 3 months before meeting current DP. He was maybe the 2nd person I met on that ‘round’ and it was like night and day the difference! Polite, respectful, actually looking for a relationship, never played any games or messed me around. Lovely. I also think the difference was me though, I was so done with it all by that point, couldn’t be arsed playing the game, gave up trying to be ‘impressive’ or saying the right thing, he still laughs about me saying ‘I can’t really be bothered with films, haven’t seen any of the ‘big’ tv shows and can never remember what music I like when people ask even though I do like lots I just find talking about it boring’ on the first date because I couldn’t think of an answer to the standard ‘what’s you’re favourite.....’ questions. On the second date I told him I wanted children fairly soon and if he didn’t there wasn’t much point carrying on. Somehow he’s still here.

Sleepyquest · 09/11/2019 09:15

About a year and I had to go through a lot of bad men first. I was the only person DH met up with from OLD, so I just had to wait for him to create an account basically!

est1988 · 09/11/2019 09:22

About three years, on and off. Although I was OLD between 2012 and 2014 too, then met a boyfriend in real life (at work). Started OLD again when that ended in 2015. Been with current boyfriend 6 months, we met on Tinder.

Don't get disheartened and don't take rejections personally. Remember you're basically meeting up with strangers, you wouldn't expect all strangers IRL to fancy you and vice versa.

Meet up as soon as possible for a quick drink/coffee, it's easy to get carried away by conversation and then be disappointed when reality doesn't match up.

Get good at weeding out the men who just want sex, they're not always the obvious 'player' types.

Set boundaries and stick to them. If you want a relationship, don't get fobbed off by 'I'm not ready for commitment', you'll only end up hurt. Listen to your gut and what men tell you through their actions, not their words.

Best advice I've been given was that if you're overthinking the situation, it's probably not right. I went through 6 years OLD not believing this. When I met current boyfriend I never gave anything a second thought, it was just easy and drama-free.

AliasGrape · 09/11/2019 09:57

I can only relate to someone who is several years younger than me as my outlook on life and my physical attributes are much more akin to a woman younger than myself.

Lol forever.

morgycat · 09/11/2019 10:19

My reply is to comments made by Grobagsforever and Mariana, Firstly Grobags you have demonstrated the point is was trying to make perfectly. The perceptions and prejudices that exist which get in the way of establishing a relationship. I can tell you that I brought up my two children as a single parent from the ages of 6 and 9 following having been abducted by their mother and taken to the USA. My daughter has made me a happy grandparent but my son tragically died nearly 4 years ago now following the effects that being in the Army had had on him. In both my first and latest marriages my wife was over 8 years younger than me and the age gap itself was never a problem. I have never had a gym membership and quite simply my lifestyle does not and never has required me to "hit the gym! to keep myself fit. I have also had cancer and recovered from that. So Grobags the judgement you came to was completely wrong and that's because you have yourself developed a prejudged prejudice which you appear to carry with you in to how you think and now what you say. So, Mariana, I have always and still do connect better with women around 6 to 10 years younger than me and that has always been the case, not something I have just thought up at this point in my life. But there is and Grobags proves it, an age prejudice and this takes precedence over looking for the right person to share your life with. We all need to look deeper into the person rather than come to conclusions based on statistics, particularly age.

NameChange84 · 09/11/2019 10:36

@morgycat

For some women a gap of 10 years isn't an issue but for others it is. I personally feel there is alot to lose with being with an older man and so I am just not one bit interested especially not when I have attractive men of the same age as me interested and that I have much more in common with. I want my future children to have an increased likelihood of both parents around for longer. I've already cared for elderly relatives until their deaths and don't see going from that, to raising children and working, caring for aging parents and then an increased likelihood of having to care for a husband that is ten years older.

When I was in my late twenties, I was constantly being approached by men at the 40-45 age mark who'd decided after playing the field that they wanted to settle down with a "nice girl". They acted like I was insane when I pointed out I wasn't looking for a relationship with an older man. They couldn't see that I would have alot to lose by being in a relationship with them. My career was really taking off, I had a great social life involving alot of physical activity that they either were too unfit to do or not interested in, I was travelling lots and seeing the world and having a lovely time with more attractive men of my own age who I had a better connection with. Why would I give that all up to be rushed into marriage and babies with an older man that was desperate to settle down when all of that could evolve quite nicely over more time with someone within my own age range?

You've always preferred women 6-10 years younger? So at 26 you felt you had more in common with teenagers?!

You know, there are young at heart, fun loving and youthful seeming women of any age. YOU can't complain of being written off by younger women (with better opportunities) when you are also writing off all the women in a similar age group to yours.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 09/11/2019 11:33

You know, there are young at heart, fun loving and youthful seeming women of any age. YOU can't complain of being written off by younger women (with better opportunities) when you are also writing off all the women in a similar age group to yours.

Quite.

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