End of Friendship-'Promiscuous Child'

[Lifeisabeach09]

I met a friend (male) today for a beer. I've known this guy several years (friend and neighbour) and he knows my DD (10). He has a DD (18) also. Just a bit of background: this man is 50, single, unemployed, sees women as objects a bit, online dater on multiple sites but not a player as such. We have a history of intimacy years ago. Never serious and without my DD's knowledge.
We were chatting today about our past (multiple) relationships and he comes out with that I must have started at 13. i asked him why he would think that.
He said essentially "I've met your daughter" and sees how she is playing with the boys in our building's garden. I, again, asked him what he meant by that and he says my then 8 year old DD "struts and shakes her bottom" and he "sees how she dresses" around the boys and is obviously en route to being "promiscuous" (his word). I got angry and a massive row ensued.
That an adult could see a child acting sexual pisses me off and astounds me. I'm quite upset--for his negative points, I valued his friendship.
Advice and thoughts please.

Jesus Christ- the fact he thinks that is sickening.

@prawnsword, I'm not upset at losing the friendship. I'm upset, shocked and, indeed, angry at how he can think such a thing about my or any child. I threatened to stab in the eye whilst we were out earlier. Not worth my career though.

Op, what is the reassurance you need? You have done the right thing. No adult thinks sexual thoughts about an eight year old. You know this. Have you ever looked at a little boy and thought these things? Or does the idea appal you?

He thought sexually about a little girl. It's not normal. His words were horrific. He accused her of having adult sexual intent. Unless a small child has been abused then they never display sexual intent. And if they did, normal reaction is one of deep concern and what to do to safeguard. Not start imagining them having under age sex and being promiscuous.

It sounds to me more like he is misogynistic than paedophiliac. In other words, he doesn't want to have sex with your daughter but still is of the view that all females are gagging for it. It's gross and offensive and I wouldn't want anything to do with him. But I can see how it might have been nice to have a man around for a chat and to help out with stuff. But he isn't the one, clearly. There's a question asked in Quora, what was the one thing someone said that completely changed your opinion of them. That would have been it for me.

i'd be concerned about his dd tbh.

@bluntness100, he had the nerve to accuse me of being irrational and overreacting. Can you believe it? Messaged me after to say I'd taken his words out of context.
He put it down to the beer I had. I know I'm not overreacting--it's just nice to vent and have support.

Sounds like he’s been Grooming you for years. I’d be worried about his 18 year old daughter and her friends

OP

Bin him and tell him why .
I certainly would, I couldn't contain my anger if he said that about my 8 year old DD or any young child.

@greenwingmemories, I think you are spot on.

Cheeky? How could this possibly be seen as cheeky?

Fucking disgusting in so many ways but not cheeky.

Well, he's either a paedophile or he's the sort of man who believes that anything female is essentially a "slut". Or he's both. That is a revolting thing to say about a child. I would cut all ties (friendship or otherwise) with someone who spoke about my daughter (or any other female) like that.

Ugh what a misogynistic twat, that's a disgusting thing to say about any female. The fact that he said it about a child though takes it from unpleasant to downright disturbing. Bin him off, I wouldn't have someone with that attitude around your young DD.

Sounds like he’s been Grooming you for years.

No, I don't think so. We were friends but the contact was sporadic/infrequent. Months without contact. Intimacy was years ago and we'd both been in relationships since then.

Ah you'd had a few beers? Yes that always makes me react more strongly to paedophiles. Like punching them in their mouths.

@WhentheRabbitsWentWild, I was pretty clear when I threatened to stab him in the eye what I was angry about. I told him to go and that I was finished with him.
The smug prick basically said I'd be back in contact with him in a few weeks. Eh, no. The thing is while I don't feel he is a paedo, I do feel he is a massive misogynist (more than I originally thought) pretty much as @Greenwingmemories described.
I deleted his number and will block if I receive any future messages. I'll likely bump into him (we live near each other) but I'll blank him unless he speaks to me. If he does, I'll tell him to 'fuck off' and remind him why.

What bothers me also is that he had no awareness that what he said was just wrong, weird and inappropriate. And to accuse me of being in the wrong adds insult to injury. But I'm a single mama, younger, drunk (I wasn't--but you get the idea) and, as such, inferior.

I simoly don't see how it's only mysogynistic to think a little girl is "gagging" for it. Is if mysogynistic, sure, but it's also paedophilic. It simply is.

@bluntness100,
I don't feel he is sexually drawn to children. (Could be wrong though!) But I do feel he took the actions or perceived actions of my child and gave it a sexual context towards boys of the same age.
Just of it pisses me off--you know when you relive something and wish you'd said or done this.

Yes and maybe I'm hammering it, but to interpret it that way is paedophillic. It's not normal to attritbue this to little girls or boys. It simply isn't.

Mysogynism is one thing, and yes he was mysogynistic but normal people don't see sexual acts or motives in children. They just don't, it's very wrong to suggest they do by saying it's not paedophilic. Simply mysynistic.

I do wonder if you just can't bear to think that of him. Try to look at it coldly, if you saw a man in the park looking at an eight year old girl, and saying look at her strutting er stuff, dressed like she's up for it, shaking her butt, bet she'll be shagging all comers at 13, would you really just think he's mysogynistic? Really?

People usually don’t tell others about their sexual attraction to children, it’s not a commonly “known” fact because it’s so socially unacceptable.

That is vile and absolutely twisted.
Watch him like a hawk where your daughter is concerned if you live so close. As she thinks he is a friend you need to make her very aware she isn't to go anywhere with him.

Has he ever spent any time alone with her?

@slappadabass, a few minutes here and there. Whilst I'm making cups of tea, for instance. I've discussed with my DD that I don't trust him and to stay away from him.
@Bluntness100, based on your scenario I'd think what a sick perv, however, unless this man in the park had sexual fantasies, feelings and has acted himself towards children he likely wouldn't meet the definition of one.

There's a reason why he's single.

What a revolting man. Please make sure he never comes anywhere near you or your daughter again. It is not normal to think this way about children.