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Original poster

Would you dump him over this ?

57 replies

Jadex1 · 06/11/2019 21:44

So I haven't been with my new boyfriend long. He's not been living in this city that long but we hit it off really quickly and got on amazingly.

Everything seemed great but I know it's the honeymoon period and it takes time to know and trust someone.

Anyway the dreaded thing happened where I saw a message come up on his phone. When he went to sleep I read the messages. So it looks like he was dating a girl until he moved here and didn't properly finish with her.

I don't know if they were official but he told her by text she looked gorgeous on her profile picture, he missed her, told her a song made him think of her. He even said to her 'I will never forget what we had'.

She even talked about coming to stay with him here and he said he was really busy atm but he would love her to come 'at some point' and that he wanted to see her.

She sounds massively into him and clearly doesn't know he is in a relationship now. She might even think him and her are still a thing.
I'm actually shaking. I left for work before he woke up, he's texted me and I haven't replied yet. He's a player, isn't he ? That's not friendly texting and hes not being clear with the poor girl. Would you end it with him ?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 06/11/2019 22:09

I wouldn't even give this man the option of explaining OP... he has shown you who he is... he has shown you how he feels about your brand new relationship... he has shown you how little he cherishes you... he is keeping on as a side dish...

Cretin. Flowers

managinged · 06/11/2019 22:13

Just adding to everyone else's opinions: yes, he is a player and, yes, you should end it now. You've only been seeing him for a month. Get out now before you get really invested. Do not start the "pick me dance."

Original poster
Jadex1 · 06/11/2019 22:15

I'm gonna get out of here.. He's probably done this to other girls in the past too. It's shit but there will be better men out there and I will get over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jadex1 · 06/11/2019 22:25

It shouldn't even matter now but if he's texting her like that (and texting every day should i add) it means he probably has feelings for her ?

OP posts:
Savingforarainyday · 06/11/2019 22:36

It doesn't matter is he has feelings for her- he has no integrity. A decent person would not do this.

If he likes her, then he's stringing YOU along. If he doesn't like her, then he's stringing her along. Both for the sake of massaging his ego.

He's not a good 'un.

Penny/Fishperson - start a new thread, people will comment directly to you then
😊

BumbleBeee69 · 06/11/2019 22:42

It shouldn't even matter now but if he's texting her like that (and texting every day should i add) it means he probably has feelings for her ?

correct and well done for not accepting this bull.. Flowers

FFSnotanotherone · 06/11/2019 23:49

Exclusive after a month? If you're dating then you've met him, what, four times if that??

You sound bonkers. Checking his phone!

He doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't know you.

Crazy all round.

FFSnotanotherone · 06/11/2019 23:51

ps he isn't 'in a relationship now'. He's shagging someone he met less than a month ago.

Shnuffles3 · 06/11/2019 23:58

Horrible thing to see. A lot of mistrust is gonna come from this and you're always gonna question it. probably eat away at your relationship. It's the hardest thing to do, but I would consider moving on from him to save your self esteem. It's hard being alone but sometimes it's for the best and you never know who you might meet in the future!

BumbleBeee69 · 07/11/2019 00:03

Exclusive after a month? If you're dating then you've met him, what, four times if that??

People can be exclusive after ONE date if they agree to be such ..so I'm not sure what your point is.. Confused

You sound bonkers. Checking his phone!

and thank god she did.. otherwise she might have been another bitter downtrodden statistic with several kids to worry about.. so credit to her for trusting her instincts after seeing the notifications pop up .. Hmm

He doesn't owe you anything

Correct.. and likewise OP doesn't owe HIM anything either.. so his arse is dust... Grin

Crazy all round.

I would call this a very lucky escape. Hmm

ps he isn't 'in a relationship now'. He's shagging someone he met less than a month ago

and now OP is Free.. because she chooses to be.. Flowers

LacedCocoa · 07/11/2019 00:31

Dump him or take a dump on him. Whichever you think will get the point across!!!
Ok first, you should probably ask him. Be clear and give him the opportunity to explain. Although don't expect much because honestly it reads like he's not fully committed or... something

MsDogLady · 07/11/2019 00:38

He’s not being clear with the poor girl...He’s telling her what she wants to hear.

He is lying to BOTH of you. You are not actually “together” and “exclusive.” He is emotionally connecting with this OW—calls her gorgeous, says he misses her, and encourages her to visit him. He never mentions you.

You deserve to be with a man of integrity instead of this lying, cheating loser.

Obviouslynotobvious · 07/11/2019 00:39

Yes. Especially if you have been cheated on before/ you already were expecting it (or maybe you picked up on a vibe that made you check the text). You need to move on I think as he's going to hurt you and at the very least he's shown you how he's keeping his options open and stringing this lady along.

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/11/2019 00:40

OP come on you know what this is, don't doubt yourself- everything you're saying is correct, it is pretty much cheating, it likely will be when he can next see her, yes he's obviously still interested in her or he would be ignoring her, yes he thinks about her, no he's not trustworthy, no he isn't committed to you, yes he's a dick, yes you should dump him. Sorry OP, I know in situations like this you want these things not to be true and would cling to anything that gives the result you want but this is pretty cut and dry isn't it.

Definitely a lucky escape early on OP.

Opentooffers · 07/11/2019 00:43

If the song reminded him of "what they had", that is past tense, as in they don't have it anymore does it not? He's also making excuses for why she shouldn't come. It's not great, but it's not cheating either. It sounds to me like he's been a wimp with ending it fully or could be keeping her sweet in case he moves back. As he moved into you so fast, I'd guess that he's a bit outa sight, outa mind kind, so if he were to ever move from being near you, he would likely be onto the next nearest thing. If he intends to stay put for foreseeable, there could be some chance, daily contact with ex needs to fizzle out for that though.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 07/11/2019 00:44

Why wouldn't you dump him?

I could not be arsed with that level of messing around.

justanothermummy2 · 07/11/2019 00:45

I would end it 100%

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/11/2019 00:50

@FFSnotanotherone If two people agree they are in a relationship then they are, that's not something you can arbitrarily decide is not the case based on your personal opinion of the necessary length of interaction pre relationship!

Bluerussian · 07/11/2019 00:52

Jadex, you've only been with him a month, obviously you are very keen on each other but it's early days and he has not long been out of the former relationship. It's far too soon to be 'exclusive'. I can remember, when I was young, feeling very strongly about someone I'd only known for a couple of weeks and being very hurt! These things don't last though, life goes on.

Either you treat the you-&-him pairing as something lighthearted and casual or you dump him. I don't think you will be able to do the first option.

RantyAnty · 07/11/2019 01:37

She probably thinks they are in a LDR now

He moves to another city and it doesn't take him 5 minutes to find someone new to shag (you). So he tells you what you want to hear about exclusive and relationship but he is lying. The only people who think they are in a relationship is you and the other girl.

You hit it off quickly in less than a month can mean love bombing.
So you've been seeing him less than a month. He's a liar and a cheat. No need for big break up. Just say you've changed your mind.

Also get tested for STI

Startingoveragain1 · 07/11/2019 22:39

Too brand new for him to be even considering entertaining anybody if he was true. He left her dangling. He keeps her at arms length. He is not being honest or committed or respectful to you. LTB

Interestedwoman · 07/11/2019 23:47

'It shouldn't even matter now but if he's texting her like that (and texting every day should i add) it means he probably has feelings for her ?'

Well, yeah! He told her she looked gorgeous, a song made him think of her, he will never forget her. He hasn't told her he has a new partner ,so is leaving things so that he can meet up with her at any time, and she wants that.

It's undeniable that he's at least keeping his options open, and still likes her. By telling her she looks gorgeous, that's making it not just nostalgia but a potential future thing.

What a bellend. Hugs xxxxx

Walnutwhipster · 07/11/2019 23:55

I suspect you're the OW.

TowelNumber42 · 08/11/2019 00:04

He's keep two women warm at the same time: letting one believe he is single while telling the other he's exclusively with her alone. Nah. He is of bad character. I would dump.

Original poster
Jadex1 · 08/11/2019 06:13

Yeah, it's just wrong, and he's a snake. I have ended things now so I suspect he will go crawling back to that girl..

OP posts: