Changing mind about having a baby

[Baycat]

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years back in June as I wanted a baby and as he had two previous children, he said he didn't want anymore.

This was the single, most difficult thing I had ever done in my life. I walked away from the man I loved as I knew that deep down I needed to be able to have a baby, one day. Its broken my heart and these last few months have been a blur.

We have remained in sparodic contact as it was never a breakup on horrible terms. We met up last week where he said he had thought about everything and reconsidered our lives and how much he loved me.

The reason he didn't want another baby was because he had separated from the children's mum 5 years ago and he didn't want it to seem to the children that he had "left the family home and replaced them with another baby". Basically wanted to protect them and not make them feel like they was being replaced with a new step sibling. He now feels that when they are older he would feel comfortable having another baby , when the children are old enough to understand. They are 12 and 13 now and wants to wait another 5 or so years. I'm 30 now.

Whilst in one way this is exactly what my heart has wanted to hear, I feel so conflicted. If I wait until I'm 35 or so and he does decide that he can't have a baby at that point, I've pretty much put all my faith in that. He says he won't change his mind but who knows. Would you hang around and hope he keeps to what he says ? I have no reason to doubt his word but it's not having the guarantee..

Are you assuming you’ll get pregnant straight away at 35 because it took me two years to conceive naturally at 28 so it’s not always the case.

are you sure you want to put your life on hold?

You would be an absolute FOOL to get spun along like this.

He might care about you, but he looks after what he wants first. Not you. Don't put your future in his hands.

Even if he's genuine now - and I doubt it, I think he's stringing you along - in a few years he will be even less likely to genuinely want a child, sorry. Once his are grown up and he's older? No.

Either dump him or just say no, sorry, that's not ok. Your choice is either now or I'm off.

With his kids in the mix, it does actually make more sense to go for it now. They are old enough to understand and it might work very differently - they'll LOVE the new baby and feel very strongly about being big brother/sister and it might have a very positive effect. Especially if you made sure to bring them right into it and emphasise how important they are to this new direction the family is taking. Plus, they'll be closer in age and more likely to have more of a sibling tie.

His idea makes little sense really - they aren't going to feel better being older, just less engaged. The only advantage is that he gets to put it off. Again, points to him trying to wait you out. Which is bloody awful really.

Time to give him the now or never talk, and be prepared to walk away with a big friendly wave and a 'your loss mate!'