Help!

[Mummabear22]

So no idea how to say this or even how to deal with this, but I believe my husband (of only 3months) and the father of the 3 year old DD, is having an online affair. I went onto his laptop (we share) and his Facebook was logged in, it was open on his messenger and I noticed he'd been video chatting some girl regularly, telling her he loves her and all that, he's also been sending some stranger pictures of our DD! I'm so hurt and angry and it looks like this has been going on for almost a year! He even sent her a Xmas present (we struggle to make ends meet and couldn't afford to buy our own daughter much last year!)! We only got married in August! I don't know what to do or even how I would even confront him without him getting angry about me snooping on his Facebook. I'm literally sat here in tears, I have no family near me and don't really have friends. I feel so alone and it's really playing havoc on my depression and anxiety. I'm so broken.

Oh my goodness that's awful! You need to get out of there hun! How can he spend money on her and not his own child? I completely understand the no family near, mine are all over 300 miles away, so I know how isolating it can be! Do have anytime me around who could help? I wouldn't worry about him getting angry about Facebook, I would make sure you take pictures and evidence of what he is doing before he can delete so that you have the evidence xx what an arsehole am so sorry xx

That's the thing, getting out isn't that easy, I have nowhere to go and the house we live in is as much his as it is mine. I literally have no one, I don't make friends easily (thanks anxiety). I'm literally trapped here, I can't tell my family as they'll just say 'I told you so'

Take copies of the evidence before you confront him. Find as much as you can and get your head round it before you do.

Fuck him getting angry about you going on his Facebook, if he didn't have anything to hide he wouldn't care.

Get advice about where you stand financially before you make any moves but do not feel you have to stay with this disrespectful lowlife just because you share a house with him.

Remember this was his CHOICE. If he gets angry about the consequences of his actions then that's his own tough shit, he should have thought about that before committing adultery.

Stay strong, you're worth far more than this.

LTB

I’d choose the told you so over a cheating scum bag who uses family money to buy his bit on the side a gift when you’re skint

Please talk to your family.

I just get this feeling that he will say it's not cheating as he's never actually slept with her, but they swap pictures and video chat, regularly. I was finally in a good place, I was happy, my DD has both her parents all the time (I never had this) and life was good, then I find this out! I feel stupid for not noticing sooner, it's been a year almost and I've only just found out! I'm such an idiot and he probably thinks that too!

This happened to me. I had no idea, found out the day after our son was brought home from giving birth to him that he was having, what I call, an emotional affair with some girl. Sending her photos of him and my new born son together, pet names for each other, no mention of me anywhere and I was oblivious. I stupidly stayed with him and six months later he full on cheated and slept with some random girl on a night out. Never again. Emotional affairs hurt just as much as sexual ones.

Stuff what he says, it's what you see as cheating. And I think it's very unlikely that they've never met and been physical if he's telling her that he loves her.
Go and spend time with your family.

I think what hurts the most is the fact that he sends pictures of him 'getting off' but in the last 3 months we've had sex maybe 3 times! Oh and the fact he tell her he loves her! I just feel so broken and I don't think I can be alone, I don't deal with being alone well.

'I love you' and sending each other (dirty?) pics/videos is cheating.

Please go and stay with family. 'I told you so' isn't important in the great scheme of things- you agree with them now.

So sorry you're going through this- hugs xxxxx

Go be with your family. They might tell you I told you so, but who cares. If they did warn you this might happen, it was because they care about you.

I can't go stay with family, they live a 2 hour drive away, and the car is his) and I have work, so can't just leave. This is why it's so hard.

Did you manage to take pictures as evidence?

Not yet no as he's home and I can't do it with him sat there

At least tell your family. You might not be able to drive to them, but maybe one of them could come to you. He sounds totally despicable, and you need support in RL.

You are not the idiot, he is. Why would you not trust the one you live with, he is an idiot for breaking that trust. It’s been going on for a year, so he has obviously had time to think about it - so whatever his reply will be it won’t matter really. In the end it’s his loss. Who would want a cheating loser.

Just gather as much info as possible for now. He will deny it otherwise.

And please tell your family before you confront him, you never know what his reaction will be and you need to be safe.

You might want to take time to find some support (at your GP’s surgery if there’s really no one else nearby) and work put the beginning of a practical plan before confronting him. You sound quite vulnerable, financially, mentally, socially. Do you long distance friends you can contact to at least talk things through?

I am sorry, OP. Your husband is emotionally and sexually cheating. (He would go ballistic if you were doing this.) He is also being financially abusive if you are struggling yet he is spending family money on OW.

If it has been a year, I would assume that they have met up. If so, he has put your sexual health at risk.

I would get a solicitor’s advice and make plans to divorce this lying cheater. Why would you sentence yourself to a life of anxiety and uncertainty? Also, is this the relationship model that you want to show DD?

Ask for your family’s support.

I've confronted him about it and he's basically said it means nothing and has blocked and deleted her. I'm just so broken and don't know if I can trust what he's saying, but I don't want to break up my family.

I know they haven't met as she's from America.

It doesn't matter a shit if it meant nothing to him. To you it means a great deal, and he clearly is not remotely trustworthy or worthy of your attention and love. he was clearly using it for 'entertainment/a buzz' and its a bloody boring and sleazy person to be frank who cant think of anything better to do with their time than communicate with randoms. Boot him out and get some headspace at minimum whilst you think through whether he is worth remaining with (personally I don't) The bloke should have been in bits and grovelling at very minimum if he really cares about your family.

He is lying to you and you know he is. Stop excusing his behaviour. Ask him how he would feel if he found out you had been chatting to a bloke, sent pictures and videos over, would he still be OK with it?

Actually ...a little scary that he can just block and delete her like that. I mean he's been telling her he loved her!

Either he's a lying pos that will add her again at the earliest convenience or...he doesn't have empathy. Or both.

I know ppl are saying tell your family but...if you genuinely believe they are the sort that would say 'I told you so ' rather than 'I'm sorry' then they're gits too.

Have you had a lot of toxic people in your life? Has husband been a jerk in other ways until now?

He's cheated, tell him to leave. If he was a decent human then he would at least go for a while to give you space.

I've not really had many people in my life. Friends who I thought I’d be friends with forever stopped talking to me the second I got pregnant and friends I met through having my DD and thought we'd remain friends stopped talking to me when I moved 30 mins away. I just seem to be destined to be alone forever. He's normally a great guy and an amazing dad.

My dad would be supportive but my mum would say I told you so as she's never liked him. I just feel like all my relationships are falling apart, I barely talk with my mum anymore, I don't have friends, my marriage is falling apart after only 3 months, and my DD seems to hate me at the moment and favours her dad.