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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

hate myself

31 replies

lovefool · 17/08/2007 21:48

I feel such a fool sometimes. My dh left before and lived with another woman. Let's just say she was the catalyst as marriage had not been wedded bliss for a while shall we say. I found out during our time apart that he had had numerous affairs while we had been married and i never had a clue. We got back together and i feel utterly crap and hate myself for being so weak and pathetic. We have been back together 2 years but i can't forget. I don't think the love can come back like it was, the hurt is too deep. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Pages · 17/08/2007 21:50

How has he been towards you in the last two years?

Dior · 17/08/2007 21:52

Message withdrawn

meandmy · 17/08/2007 21:55

keep your chin up!

notasheep · 17/08/2007 21:58

I would recommend Relate-I am going at the moment.Sounds like you have alot you need to talk about

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 22:07

We have never had counselling because my dh says there is no point dragging up the past and that we should look to the future and not bring it all up again.

I just want to know who, when, where etc i dont know why i just feel the need. But mostly I want to know WHY. He always says he has changed etc etc and that living on his own he realised his mistakes(they only lasted 3 months, we were apart 2 years).

If i bring up the past or have a dig he hates it but in all those years i was faithful!!

OP posts:

notasheep · 17/08/2007 22:22

You could always go alone,it may help to empty your head with all the stuff from the past.

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 22:31

Yes i really am considering it.

OP posts:

littledetails · 17/08/2007 22:32

It sounds to me like you will never let go of the past. I think you need to be strong bite the bullet and go it alone or you will make yourself ill and you will be no good for your children, who pick up on all your feelings. It will be hard initially but things will get better and you certainly deserve better and so do your children.

Same happened to me and I could never forgive so I got rid, never looked back...be strong

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 22:35

I think you may be right littledetails. Did you give another go then?

OP posts:

HorseyWoman · 17/08/2007 22:36

I don't understand how men, or even women sometimes, can do this to someone they loved enough to share important vows with. It bewilders me. How hurtful it must have been for you to think of him with another woman and then to find out he had been romancing hussies behind your back throughout your marriage. Well, a lot of us here probably will say we wouldn't have taken him back, me included, but only because the hurt would have been too deep and I would struggle to forget. But you did take him back for your own reasons, and only you can decide whether it was the right thing, whether you can live with it long term, whether you can forget his hurtful deceit. If you can't then both of you have to move on, however much it hurts.

Best wishes.x

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 22:39

If i am honest i think i took him back for the sake of my kids because they really wanted it so much for us to be together. Also part of me wanted to do it so at least i could say i tried or i may never have known

OP posts:

notasheep · 17/08/2007 22:50

You really need to start looking after your self and mental state.I was beginning to go mad and be ill churning dps behaviour in my head.
Going to counselling has really helped me get rid off stuff.
Can you forgive him would be the big question?

littledetails · 17/08/2007 22:52

No I never gave it another go and I think because I wasnt interested in him as I just couldnt forgive or forget, he wanted me all the more. I never wanted revenge and I think he wanted me to fight for him which I would never do. We have a good relationship now and I know he regrets what he did and its seven years ago.

notasheep · 17/08/2007 23:01

Crikey seven years ago!

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 23:04

He was desperate to come back i have to say. I kept him waiting around for about a year really

OP posts:

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 23:05

Notasheep are you with him now then?

OP posts:

notasheep · 17/08/2007 23:07

We are still living in the same house but no relationship.

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 23:10

That must be really hard

OP posts:

notasheep · 17/08/2007 23:13

The main thing is i am sorting all my baggage out to get on with my life!
I need to try and get some sleep now,
catch up again,dont keep beating yourself up about where you are at.
You can feel alot better than you are at the moment

littledetails · 17/08/2007 23:17

I think you ment to ask me that lovefool. No not with him married again last year. Before I got married the second time made a really bad mistake with a bloke, who was really jealous but treated me like a princess and spoilt me rotten. He was mentally abusive and scary (could go into details but wont bore you), on the rebound met someone and fell pregnant, I finished with him when I was 3 months pregnant. And my daughter is just the best thing. In a better place now, married and expecting another one in December.

Original poster

lovefool · 17/08/2007 23:26

Wow littledetails, glad you are happy now.
We were not really officially back together(NO-one had a clue) when i got pregnant and baby no 3 makes things even more complicated. Everyone advised me not to have the baby for obvious reasons, but it didnt feel right not to, i would have always wondered as if it were meant to be.

OP posts:

littledetails · 17/08/2007 23:41

That was like me with baby number 3 everybody told me to get rid as I had already split with her dad then gave it another go when I found out i was gregnant. She is just the best and a god send and my new husband is wonderful with her. With all the trouble I have had with men it has made my relationships with my children a lot stronger, just love em to bits!

Original poster

lovefool · 18/08/2007 10:47

sorry for being thick little details, so your new husband is not the father of your surprise baby? I worry that if we are apart who will want me with baby in tow if you see what i mean. You give me hope.

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littledetails · 18/08/2007 14:56

My new husband is not the father of my 2 yrs old but is the father of the my baby due in December. I meet my husband on the internet when my two year old was one week old and she has only every known him as Dad. He also took on my two teenagers so there are nice men out there. I always thought I would meet a man with baggage (like me) but he doesnt so im having his first baby. Never give up hope.

snowwonder · 18/08/2007 14:59

i think you need counselling on your own to be honest without him there,

it really helped me after my break up

best of luck

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