Or both?
Seeing a man for about 5 months, went extremely well until recently. He is super reliable and seemed kind, easygoing, supportive, open to commitment etc. After lots of non-starters, I was delighted to be an in apparently good relationship, was walking around smiling unintentionally etc.
We live 40 or so mins apart, see each other at the weekend and sometimes one evening; and as I don't drive, he was doing the vast majority of the to'ing and fro'ing without complaint as well.
Earlier this month he seemed out out that I'd decided to attend an event on my own. Long story but I just preferred to go alone. I arranged something for us to do on sun evening instead (event was on Sat evening which we usually spend together) but he made several comments that suggested he found it odd, his nose was a bit out of joint and that he wondered why he wasn't invited/taken along and why I hadn't been clear with the hostess that I'm now in a steady relationship etc. I responded to these comments and there was no animosity or conflict - I was left wondering if maybe I should have explained more why I went alone instead of just doing my thing (I'm very independent) and leaving him wondering.
Halloween - my city has a event/festival type thing, I asked if he was coming to it with his family, he said no (past that age), I was going to watch part of the event but had no intention of going "out" in the city - until I got a last minute invite to join friend and her visitor from Germany, which I happily accepted since the atmosphere is great during the festival. I did not tell him about it and (to me) had no real reason to as we were not seeing each other.
During the evening, he texted (as we often do), he realised I was out at a bar/club type thing and, to my surprise, got quite annoyed ... He said numerous things among them that I'd already been away to a party on my own, had been to the cinema another night this week, now this - he felt i was "moving away from the relationship". I hadn't mentioned anything about it to him etc.
He seemed to get more ranty as he went on, until I finally cracked, shouted at him (I can't even remember clearly what) and he calmed down/backed down considerably and we ended the call in more reasonable terms.
During the rant, the behaviour seemed so out if character for the man I've known that I actually wondered if he was drinking/drunk (though he's a very light drinker) and asked him, which caused him to get offended and contributed to the rant.
Since then it's not been easy to talk about the "conversation" on Halloween night, but from what he's said, apparentlye he has strong feelings for me, cares a lot about the relationship, feels a bit insecure in it and is also a bit freaked out since I told him that I once cheated on an ex and that's stuck in his head.
He has been such a great guy up til now that I don't want to finish and I understand hearing someone had cheated (maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut and that honesty isn't always the best policy) might make their partner worry ... But I'm extremely independent, sociable if given the chance and would like to take any social opportunities I get (I would no matter what but esp with us living 40mins or more apart and I also suffered depression after my last relationship ended and I was alone too much so want to build up a social scene).
He seems a bit embarrassed about the outburst/rant but it has me uneasy and I wonder is it surmountable insecurity or is he potentially controlling.