Bottled proposal...

[Sparkey47]

So a week after giving birth, some friends came round to see the baby and one of them said to my partner in front of me “what happened to you doing the thing?” So obviously I questioned it as you would, so my partner told me that was the day he planned to propose to me, he was going to make the baby’s first outfit read ‘will you marry me?’ and then he was going to do the whole thing. So obviously I’m a bit emotionally already with baby blues but then this set me off thinking I’d put him off or done something wrong to make him not want to do it, and I’m quite embarrassed because he’d told quite a few of our friends that this was his plan so now I feel like they will think I’ve put him off as well.
Anyways he assured me I’d done nothing wrong and he simply bottled it with asking my dad’s permission and also he said he really didn’t want to take the day away from the baby like it was her special day, and he was scared I would find the proposal outfit in the hospital bag. He said while I was pregnant that he would propose to me by the end of the year, and stuck by that when I found out about his plan, so basically it’s getting near the end of the year now, and I’m becoming quite worried that he’s not going to do it by then, and then I will be really questioning in my head why he hasn’t done it, the baby has put a stress on our relationship obviously but now she’s 4 months old we’re a lot better now we’re getting some sleep, our relationship has always moved very fast since the beginning so I would expect it’s because he wants to slow things down. Being pregnant absolutely destroyed my body with so many stretch marks and weight gain, so I’m really worried that’s putting him off even though he assured me he still finds me beautiful and sexy, I just don’t know what to do if he doesn’t propose, should I say something? I’m just getting myself all worked up about it the closer it gets to the end of the year 😞

Meant to say *i wouldn’t expect it’s because he wanted to slow things down

Wow none of this would eve be an issue if the friend hadn't been such a twat as to ask in front of you !

I'd tell him you want to get married, and ask him if he still does too

If you’ve both agreed that you want to get married..... doesn’t that mean you’re already engaged? You don’t need a formal proposal - or you could always ask him.

Agree your friend is a shit stirrer for asking in front of you. Similar happened to me - we were on a group holiday (4 couples), and one of the blokes had told us all he was going to propose to his girlfriend.... they went out for dinner alone one night and we were all expecting to be congratulating them when they got back to the cottage. But he didn’t do it, thankfully we didn’t give the game away though, but it was a really weird atmosphere!

Just talk about it together.

Oh poor love, how sole destroying waiting endlessly.

I think you obviously are not in a very steady state with your self esteem already from reading your post. I don't think asking him will achieve this either - you'll probably think he only asked/agreed to marry you because you pestered.

Honestly I would wait to see what happens, he may be planning a Christmas/new year proposal, there's plenty of time left yet.

He most likely has no idea how he's made you feel about all this.

In reality he has made huge commitments to you already, baby, home etc so I would write off your relationship just yet. The fact he is planning or has planned a number of big gesture proposals already says he does feel it's a big thing so won't do it in a whim.

Be patient as see yourself as a prize; of course he's going to ask why the bloody hell wont he???? And if he doesn't I think you've got some decision to make for next year.

Hoping for a new year proposal thread from you 🤞

Do you actually want to marry someone this wobbly and indecisive, and who considered for a fraction of a second asking your father’s permission? In 2019? Did he run it by your father before he got you pregnant, too?

You should be annoyed with your friend.

By the way please don’t think your friends will think you’ve “put him off”. When the friend I knew did it as I wrote above, we all thought it was really shitty of him to have told us all and then not done it.

Rather than wait for a proposal, why don't you just sit down and chat with him about it?
There doesn't need to be a big build up.

I can understand how disappointed you are. After my ex kept saying he was going to propose and finding emails pop up about it with a company doing a quote for an item with the proposal on, I thought he was definitely going to do it. In the end, he only decided we would get married and tell people when my ex (prior to him) was behaving so badly towards me and he simply wanted me to move so we were away from him. No proposal that he apparently so desperately wanted to do. No ring. Nothing. Set a date, told everyone, picked a venue. He changed his mind. Twice.
He sounds like he had opportunity and bottled it but has had 4 months since then. Couldn’t he cook a dinner with some candles or take you out and do it? I could be wrong but when they drag it out, it’s because they don’t want to. Your friend shouldn’t have mentioned it, but he knows you know now and should’ve hurried up before you started feeling you had to ask why he hasn’t or if he finds you unattractive. That’s absolutely unfair of him to allow you to feel that way when you have a new baby.

Bloody hell, another one waiting about for a man to decide her life for her!

If you want to get married, just talk to him about it. Assuming he also wants to get married, then just get it organised. See the Registrar, get a date, etc.

Take control of your own life!

he simply bottled it with asking my dad’s permission

What is this bollox?

Why is permission needed? You are an adult, no? Did he ask your dad's permission to live with you out of wedlock, to stick his willy in you and make you pregnant? What a load of rubbish!

I agree with pp, if he's dragging his heels he doesn't really want to.

Where is the exasperated emoji when you need one?

Once again another post about waiting on some guy to propose.

It's absolutely ridiculous.

The bollox of asking for your father's permission? After you already live together and have a baby together?

It is sitting around waiting for a man to decide your life like pp said.

The bollox of tradition. If men want to follow that tradition, which is entirely to their benefit, then maybe they should follow the other ones that go with it about not living together and making a baby before marriage.

Take charge of your life and future and just ask him and get it organised.

I could never under any circumstances marry a man who thought so little of me he ASKED MY FATHERS PERMISSION.

You need to work on self esteem if you think it's ok for men to treat to you like a possession OP.

It's bollocks. Not bollox. Sorry but two in a row is too much

Asking my father is just more of a tradition thing to us rather than an actual necessity, it’s the same as him walking me down the aisle to ‘give me away’ it doesn’t actually mean anything other than a nice gesture to us.

And I’m big on romance thats why I’m anticipating it so much, we can’t just start planning a wedding instead of a proposal because we don’t have the money yet and won’t for a quite a few years.

Yes, I think we get that asking your father isn’t ‘an actual necessity’, it being 2019. And nothing says ‘romance’ like discussing your proposal plans with all your friends, then bottling it and ignoring the issue for months.

Honestly, OP, stop being so passive.

My ex husband asked my father's permission before proposing to me. It is traditional and for some people who want the big romantic proposal or have old fashioned parents it is important.
Many men get nervous before proposing etc. He will do it when he is ready. You already have a bigger commitment to each other in your baby. He obviously wants to propose, he's just nervous about getting it wrong because it is obviously a big deal to you. I suggest that you focus on the baby for now, your DP will pop the question at some point when he is ready.

He hasn't asked because he doesn't want to
He's chosen not to ask you

Maybe you should ask him

Why on earth did the friend ask him why he didn’t propose in front of you? It sounds like they were trying to make trouble.

Asking your father's permiscion? For ducks sake this is 2019.
Tell him you are getting married and get a date organised then tell him to get a ring.
Men can be so pathetic I really don't know how they manage to get dressed in the morning.

If I were you I would put the whole marriage thing to the back of my mind and concentrate on teh baby and on my relationship.

Think about marriage maybe next year when you have had some sleep and your relationship is back on track.

Absolutely ridiculous.

You've just had a baby with this man and you're waiting around for him to ask your DF's 'permission' to marry you and to propose?

That ship has sailed!

Agree to get married and start planning the wedding.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

It's 2019 woman!!!

@Sparkey47 treating women like possessions is not a nice tradition. It's outrageous in 2019. Honestly how can you have so little self respect?

Are you financially vulnerable without marriage? If so get on and set a date. If not, then quit obsessing about these weird patriarchal traditions and concentrate on your actual life.

Jeez. Forget about romance and think about your DCs future. At the minute- not being married- your financial position is extremely vulnerable if you split up or if your DP dies. You really don't need to save up for some huge extravaganza, get to the registry office as soon as you can.