I didnt go out with friends because of girlfriend.

[Twig509]

I am 26, girlfriend is 23. Weve been together going on one year. She is relatively laid back and we both make time for friends.
I got a bit freaked out last night because we were both planning on going out with friends together but she only had one friend coming, the rest mine.
She's been complaining about how she feels her friend uses her and hardly sees her and her friend bailed out last night - girlfriend and i werent planning on drinking so we were going to pick her up and take her home.
Girlfriend wasnt getting a clear answer off friend so was messaging saying we need to know as we want to know whether to take the car or not. Her friend replied back that she had no intentions of going and to stop asking.
This caused girlfriend to go quiet. I was watching tv with my cousin. I said to her not to worry we can still go out with them and she agreed.
She then said i could go out and shell go home (she was staying at mine) but i wanted her to stay.

After my cousin left, she burst out crying about how she hardly has friends, her friend never wants to do anything, how she's bored and is going to be bored later sitting with a load of drunk guys.
I agreed and said we wont go but she was insistinf sayong she wants to go home but i wanted her to stay.

She cleaned herself up and we went for food with my family but was very quiet during a meal with my family (usually shes chatty) and was on and off crying all night when we got to my room saying she doesnt know why shes crying, she's just sad.

We cuddled and this morning she was fine and apologised and said she wishes i went out since all my friends were there and she wouldve had time to clear her head at home.
But im really confused about last night

Thanks, i will take advice on board

I think youre unnecessarily getting a pasting.

Surely it's no surprise? Any time a man posts here, women flood to be patronising and always do their best to make the man feel he is wrong, somehow, even when there's no problem on his part.

It wouldn't be MN without the double standards. As I often say, it's not surprising, but it sure is a horrible aspect of this site and one that needs to be called out more often.

--

OP, I assume she was upset by her friend but it must have been a build up of all her feelings towards her and it just came to a head last night for her. I can completely understand you not wanting to leave her whilst she was upset, it almost presents itself as a situation where if you had left she would have said you don't care and left her for your friends when she was upset.

Let her sort her friendships out, just offer to listen when she wants to vent. Unless she specifically asks for advice, don't give it, let her figure her friendships out and what she wants for herself.

As for the blood thing, you are not unreasonable for this, no one should be pressured to have sex if they feel uncomfortable with something.

In regards to her overall mood, the medication will have a specific impact on her but it's not an excuse for poor behaviour towards you. Therefore you will need to establish where you draw a line. Consistently just being off towards you and taking anger out on you is wrong and there's no need for you to be her punching bag. Had you been a woman mentioning a sulky or moody boyfriend, you would have been inundated with messages saying it's not worth it and LTB.

Discuss what is concerning you and ask her if she feels her medication is what she feels is causing her mood to be down recently, if she feels it is, perhaps she should go speak to her GP and see what else is available. Whilst that is all being addressed, I do suggest you wear a condom despite what you prefer, it's just the sensible option.

I'm not sure how long you've been together, but if she is usually a happy person, and there has not been issues, she might evidently be going through a difficult time and quite possibly cannot even explain what's wrong as she herself is confused. Just be a bit patient and let her know you are there for her and she does not need to talk but just find comfort in knowing she has someone who does value her.

We all have times in our lives where we get down and it can be a couple of things and it could simply be something that does not have a solution but just something that needs to pass.

This just requires some patience from your side for the time-being, hopefully things get better soon.

@pastyballbag Oh behave, no one is asking you to be and that is your preference. He hasn't said he finds periods disgusting so stop making up nonsense. I am not comfortable having sex when I'm on, even when it's light. We all have our preferences, adhere to your own and let others adhere to theirs.

Twig: www.healthspan.co.uk/products/agnus-castus-premenstrual-relief?sc_camp=858F9AE902B94F9296AECD4B970D20E1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_-ndk7vj5QIVAsreCh3-8QCbEAQYASABEgLLVPD_BwE#/?pack%20size=60

I agree with a previous poster (2nd page I think), who suggests you try natural family planning. It does work if you're religiously careful about it and nowadays, not too difficult. You can buy things from Boots - online if you want - which can tell when someone is ovulating or predicts it or both.

Her bleeding on and off for two months is not right, sounds like a side effect from her injection (I had that sometimes when I took the pill orally but not all the time), so suggest she doesn't have another injection.

You sound very caring, a really good boyfriend. Talk to your girlfriend gently about our suggestions.

IDontEvenHaveAPla Tue 12-Nov-19 00:20:06
@pastyballbag Oh behave, no one is asking you to be and that is your preference. He hasn't said he finds periods disgusting so stop making up nonsense. I am not comfortable having sex when I'm on, even when it's light. We all have our preferences, adhere to your own and let others adhere to theirs. hmm
...........

Quite right too.

The op never said he finds periods disgusting. He actually sounds very caring.

I was never comfortable having sex during a period and wish I'd never tried. As a young person, madly in love :-), I thought it would be OK - but it's messy. It's not going to kill anyone to go without sex for the duration of a period. Certainly once we were married we never did and were quite happy.

Your girlfriend sounds like she could do with a holiday from all the crap she's going through;
Dickhead friends, having to socialise with in-laws when she's had a day of rejection, low iron and raging hormones, bf being weirded out by blood etc.
A holiday and maybe some spinach might improve all problems.

savingshoes, a holiday sounds like a good idea.

Oh hold on, 8 weeks bleeding on and off?
She probably needs a little more than spinach.

Changing over contraception can mess with your cycle but that's a poop load of bleeding for one person to go through.

At the GP appointment, she'll need to tell them about the abnormal vaginal bleeding and mood swings as she could do with some more tests to see if she needs a b12 injection etc.

They may suggest Tranexamic acid to stop her vaginal bleeding between periods. Some GPs don't deal with contraception anymore and tell woman to go to a gum clinic so make sure she's arranged the appointment for "abnormal vaginal bleeding" as that's actually the main concern.

Also, pregnant woman can bleed during pregnancy so don't assume that just because she's bleeding she's not pregnant.

This thread is tedious ... You don't sound old enough to even have a girlfriend.

You sound very much about you, your friends and your family. Rendering your gf feeling very alone

Id advise her to see her gp if the bleeding hasn't settled down.
If she doest get on with the injection she could try the contraceptive pill ( cerazette woks well with me and my friends).
You sound very caring, there is nothing wrong at all with not wanting to have sex whilst she is on ( and if it was your gf posting she would not be getting a kicking) i certainly avoid it at all costs as i also find the idea a turn off!

I stupidly told her how we cant have sex in the morning anyway because it smells afterwards and she has work and how she hates showering at mine; She then said that's not true and went for a shower.

If you're telling her you can't have sex on a morning because she smells after and needs a shower before going to work, I can kind of understand why she's worrying about how she smells down there. You don't have to have a shower before leaving the house after sex, I can't say I've ever gotten a whiff of a colleague and thought "she's had sex before coming to work"

Hence the crying outburst of "we dont have much sex anymore", "im paranoid about how i smell down there", "i feel like a hormonal freak"

It also does sound like you're quite bothered by the blood, I understand but wanting to have sex while she's menstrating and I don't think you should be pressured to do in the same way I don't think women who don't like having sex while on their period should be pressured by their partners. Saying that though if you're freaking out in a "oh no it's on my sheets, and your knickers" kind of way it could be making her feel self conscious about that because she knows you're uncomfortable with it. Leaking at night isn't uncommon so blood may well end up on your sheets on the future and if it does I'd try maybe working in the phobia and keeping calm and just putting the sheets in the wash. If she's worrying about you being scared of the blood then it could be in the back of her mind all the time.

I had that injection and hated every day of my life until my body settled and it wasn't a case of returning to normal on the day I should have had the next jab, took a few more weeks before things settled, I bled the full three months too. It's hard to explain but I was an emotional mess and I don't know how my husband put up with me. If it's feeling tedious for you it'll be a lot harder on her.

Hope she feels better soon.

I stupidly told her how we cant have sex in the morning anyway because it smells afterwards and she has work and how she hates showering at mine; She then said that's not true and went for a shower.

That sounds like something a woman would say (the first bit), I was always very conscious of the 'smell of sex' and made sure I was pristine before leaving the house for work. Why does she not like showering at your place? Anyway you said she did have a shower but it is possible to have a jolly good, thorough wash 'down there' after sex, most people at least do that.

First thing for your girlfriend to do is go back to the doctor to check if anything is wrong - there probably isn't, at least we hope not - NOT have the contraceptive injection again and work out what you are going to do to avoid pregnancy in the future.

She sounds like she’s having quite a difficult time at the minute. I’d advise her to go to the doctors and change her contraception. I can imagine being on a period for 2 months would make you moody. So if that gets sorted then hopefully her mood will pick up

She’s hormonal and emotional. I don’t mean this in a horrible way but as a guy you cant BEGIN to imagine some of the stuff women go through, with hormones and body etc. I’ve sat in absolute floods of tears with my husband on many occasions because I felt so emotional, so fed up, and so sorry for myself because I was hormonal, in pain, feeling gross and sick of being female. Contraception can go horribly wrong and make this all worse - I remember I took a contraceptive pill that didn’t agree with me and when I look back on that time I can only compare it to looking back on a drunk night - you know where you just think ‘I was SO drunk, what was I doing?!!’ And just feel mortified as drunk you isn’t the real you. Well that’s how I felt after coming off the pill. When I look back on the time that I was on the pill it’s like looking back on a crazy person who I don’t know. I was so emotional and insane from that pill... I remember I realised I had to come off it when I burst into uncontrollable tears because I dropped the remote control on the floor and the batteries rolled out I’m just telling you this because if your girlfriend is struggling with hormones and contraception, she’s suffering more than you are, even though you have to deal with her moods. If you really love her then just stick it out. And be patient and supportive. If she’s changing back to her old contraception then she should be feeling better soon (assuming the injection is the cause of her emotional outbursts).

Secondly, don’t be a martyr. If she’s having a shit day and doesn’t want to go out (and in this case I think she had VERY good reason to be upset. It sounds horrible how her friend is treating her), and if she tells you to go out, then just go. Don’t stay in with her but be secretly angry. She said you should go and YOU chose not to. That’s all on you.

It sounds like you really care about her (coming on this site to ask for advice is really sweet imo) so just wait it out and support her. Don’t be a martyr if it will make you resent her (it sounds like you’re quite resentful of missing that night out). Just go and do your thing if she doesn’t feel up for it. The last thing she needs is you cancelling your plans because she doesn’t feel up to going, and then being annoyed with her about it.

The things she gets upset about might sound stupid and to be honest they are a bit stupid but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier for her to deal with, and I think it all comes from the same place - feeling shit about herself. Like getting upset about having nothing to wear or feeling unconfident around your family is all just her feeling shit about herself as she’s so emotional. It probably is tedious for you but just make sure she doesn’t know you think that! I think you sound nice and caring and like you’re doing your best to figure this out which a lot of men wouldn’t even bother to do. I hope everything goes back to normal for you both soon!

OP. It’s obvious to me you want to break up with her. So do that.

Unfortunately I’m not going to tell you it’s ok and you’re still a top bloke which I suspect is why you’re really posting

OP, ignore all the men haters on this thread. There are quite a few.

You sound like you are doing the right thing. Hormones can make women feel shite but that doesn't mean they give a woman the right to be moody and unpleasant. I think it all sounds a bit tedious. I'm not sure if I were you I could be bothered staying in the relationship.

Thanks. I'll see her sometime this week and see what shes like

she was snapping at me telling me to go out and how she doesnt get why im bothered when ive been out plenty of times the past few months
That was her being passive aggressive in her attempt to control you - and it worked but I didnt think i could go out whilst knowing she was upswt
Cos had you done exactly as she said and gone out- then you would STILL have been in the wrong for "leaving me when i was upset and needed you"
The script is sooo predictable.

and i hate blood so said we should leave it. She then started crying (again) about how we hardly have sex and how it"s her fault with the blood
Another passive aggressive move - sod having any respect for YOUR feelings, it's all about her AGAIN.
Did you notice how your feelings were invalidated/not acknowledged and you got zero understanding/sympathy from her even though YOU also want sex as much as she does?
Do you feel guilty yet?
Cos shit like this is designed to get in your head and screw with it....no longer can you have normal feelings or voice them because they will get twisted around to suit her.

She said shes scared im going to get sick of the mood swings and constant bleeding but i reassured her and told her theres only a month left
Errr....there's no guarantee of that, some women still bleed on the Depo and for some it makes their periods worse.
Not only that, having spent a decade on the Depo myself, it fucks with your moods more than any other hormonal contraception that i've used.
Then there's also the weight gain which that comes with it - though some women get lucky and experience zero side effects.
I use the Mirena coil now and it's soooo much better, it lasts 5 years once it's inserted and the hormone release doesn't affect me in the way previous contraception did.

I told her i wasnt going to leave her
Unless you've got a crystal ball then i don't think it's a good idea to be making promises like that.
What she's just done is manipulate you into SAYING that you won't leave because of her mood swings, needy and passive aggressive behaviour.

I know, maybe i dont understand what she's going through but it always feels she takes it out on me
Of course she's taking it out on you - who else would tolerate that crap from her?
She's wheedled you into a position where you can't do right for doing wrong, can't have your voice/feelings heard without the situation being instantly twisted to revolve around her 'needs'.

I bet if you tried calling her out on her arsey behaviour she would blame it all on the 'hormones' and 'being a woman'...and that you asserting yourself in the face of her needy, attention seeking, manipulative behavior is YOU being insensitive to her 'needs' and 'not caring' about her......and any attempt by you to break up due to the tedious, immature nature of the relationship will bring out the wails of "you broke your promise to me"

I think she's playing you and is working on getting you so tightly wrapped around her little finger that you can't see the wood for the trees.
Be careful - don't let your penis make the decisions.

She's not manipulative and I didnt come on this site claiming she was manipulating me, I wanted advice on how to deal with her mood swings,
This is out of character for her so i trust it's because of the hormones and i want us to get through this rough patch;
I'm not going to get into my head she's manipulating me since other than the past 2 weeks, we have been very happy together

Ffs. How old are you both

Try talking to each other

This was painful to read

Glad to hear that Twig. I'm sure you will get through this when the effects of the contraceptive injection wear off.

She's not manipulative and I didnt come on this site claiming she was manipulating me
Where does it claim that YOU were claiming that she was manipulative?
I made that observation myself from what YOU WROTE about her communications.

You tell yourself whatever makes you feel better - you'll find out for yourself at some point......

Actually i think being insecure about mood wings you leaving etc simply shows she knows shes being unreasonable. I doubt she likes it any more than you do.

And having a wobble over a relatively new relationship when someone's behaviour is making you uncomfortable isnt at all unreasonable either.

But personally i dont think its deliberate, i do think it is just the depo but i also think it could be quite a long time for the situation to resolve. I feel really sorry for your girlfriend that she had such poor advice.

Its a sad situation but if you can get through this and come out smiling i reckon you've got as good a basis for the future as any.