I didnt go out with friends because of girlfriend.

[Twig509]

I am 26, girlfriend is 23. Weve been together going on one year. She is relatively laid back and we both make time for friends.
I got a bit freaked out last night because we were both planning on going out with friends together but she only had one friend coming, the rest mine.
She's been complaining about how she feels her friend uses her and hardly sees her and her friend bailed out last night - girlfriend and i werent planning on drinking so we were going to pick her up and take her home.
Girlfriend wasnt getting a clear answer off friend so was messaging saying we need to know as we want to know whether to take the car or not. Her friend replied back that she had no intentions of going and to stop asking.
This caused girlfriend to go quiet. I was watching tv with my cousin. I said to her not to worry we can still go out with them and she agreed.
She then said i could go out and shell go home (she was staying at mine) but i wanted her to stay.

After my cousin left, she burst out crying about how she hardly has friends, her friend never wants to do anything, how she's bored and is going to be bored later sitting with a load of drunk guys.
I agreed and said we wont go but she was insistinf sayong she wants to go home but i wanted her to stay.

She cleaned herself up and we went for food with my family but was very quiet during a meal with my family (usually shes chatty) and was on and off crying all night when we got to my room saying she doesnt know why shes crying, she's just sad.

We cuddled and this morning she was fine and apologised and said she wishes i went out since all my friends were there and she wouldve had time to clear her head at home.
But im really confused about last night

You arent communicating with each other but telling each other how they should feel and what they like to do.

You are different people but seemingly are telling each other how the other should feel

Is she talking to her GP? It sounds like there's some kind of hormonal problem. I might be out if line but a pregnancy test perhaps, GP can advise better

She,'s on the injection,
She cant be pregnant because shes been bleeding on and off for 2 months,
Before the injection she was relatively laid back and happy, which is why i think it could be the injection causing these mood swings;
She recognises and apologises to me when she's being moody and has said she'll try and change how moody she's being but I dont want her to change, i just dont want her to be moody anymore

Hang on, she's on the pill, its messing with her emotions, AND she's been bleeding for two months.

You think her behaviour is erratic and tedious.

Hmmm.
Nice.

Can you perhaps have some empathy?

Hormones are a real thing. Artificial hormones do mess people up. She's not doing this on purpose.
Bleeding for two months is awful. You get sore, and constantly have to worry about being clean,... THAT is tedious.

Maybe try being understanding?
Sheesh

• soz, I meant she's on artificial hormones.

She's not being moody on purpose.

Perhaps condoms are better?

The injection really doesn't suit everyone. Also if she hasn't had kids its not a great idea being on it because if you have been taking it a while it can take well over a year to work its way out of your system when you do want to come off. I loved it but i had literally worked through everything else first, have two kids and absolutely no plans ever for more. I'm now on a break well over 6 months clear of my last injection and no sign of returning periods.

Seriously she needs an urgent chat witb her GP

I know, maybe i dont understand what she's going through but it always feels she takes it out on me.
I think she was upset this morning because she thought she had stopped bleeding yesterday so we were both looking forward to doing the deed properly, then we tried, blood was there and then blood ended up on my bedsheets, Her nickers also had stains in them from blood,
Hence the crying outburst of "we dont have much sex anymore", "im paranoid about how i smell down there", "i feel like a hormonal freak"

I told her not to be embarrassed about tge blood and she said she wasnt, shes just sick of it

Has she tried any other forms of contraception?

Of course she's tired of it.
You said you don't like blood, so she probably feels unattractive to you.

Condoms? Or do you not like them?

She was originally on the mini pill, was on it for years, ive used condoms with past girlfriends;
We were not using condoms together, and on a drive home one day i mentioned my fear of her getting pregnant and tokd her that ive got used to not wearing condoms that itd probably feel rubbish going back;

She said she does take her pill on time and is consistent with it but shes heard of the injection which keeps you safe for 3 months and she's willing to give it a go if it makes me feel better; i told her i'd happily use condoms and it's up to her and she booked a GP appointment (obviously the conversation was more detailed than that but keeping it short and snappy for this post)

Shes going back on the mini pill next month

During her crying this morning she was saying how she feels she's going to lose me because of how moody she's being but she said she can't help it and just wants it to stop,
I told her i wasnt going to leave her

Get her off the depo. It won't be quick because it lasts (at least) 3 months. She'd be better trying a mirena coil if she doesn't want to go back to the mini pill. At that can come out straight away.

Im kinda at a loss why the Depo seems to be so pushed at the moment. To my mind its more an alternative to sterilisation when everything else fails. I worked through two copper coils, the pill, mini pill and several failed condoms before i even considered the Depo. Even if it does work and your periods stop coming off it can be absolute hell (speaking from experience although this time has been better). And this is coming from someone who absolutely loved it and would sing its praises to the right woman

Your girlfriend has my sympathy. She sounds like a sweetheart.

From your detailed descriptions of the blood I can't imagine you made her feel much better.

OP, can I ask how old you are?
You say you don't like blood, and won't have sex with her. You also say she shouldn't be embarassed, and are perplexed that she is upset by bleeding. Your actions are telling her differently.

You say you'll wear condoms, but also that you've gotten used to not wearing them, and ' it'll feel rubbish to go back'. Think for a minute on that. It'll feel rubbish.

So far, you stop sex because of blood ( which may make her feel dirty)

You say sex with her, wearing condoms will feel rubbish

You say you're scared of pregnancy , so she gets an injection. It's making her moody, and you find it tedious. It makes her bleed, and that turns you off

But condoms will make sex rubbish.

She's done this for your joint sex life, but it sounds like she's making all the big compromises here.

OP, seriously, have some maturity and compassion.

You need to tell her to stop with the hormonal contraception and that you will wear condoms

Im 26 and id happily go back to using condoms, i've properly used my words wrong when speaking to her;
She knows i have a phobia of blood but we have done oral with a tiny bit of blood there but i only realised afterwards which i didnt mind, it's only if i know beforehand that I get turned off by it

But moving past our sex life, i just want her to be happy

In the meantime look at some hormone balancing herbal supplements. ive used agnes cat something sucessfully in the past (actually when i was trying to come off the depo), might be worth thinking about iron intake too. Vitamin D might also help, most people in the Uk are surprisingly short and it does all sorts general wellbeing wise.

What's agnes cat?

An actual phobia of blood, or you find it icky?
If you don't like it, fine. But if it's been 2 months, and she feels awful due to hormones, awful due to bleeding, and awful due to you not liking blood.

Your actions may be telling her that you are not especially committed to her.

I think youre unnecessarily getting a pasting.

I hate condoms and have never gound them at all reliable. I was never particularly fond of doing anything on my period. I never had sex on my period until about 27 and whilst the sex was good, i found it fairly messy and awkward. i would hate oral sex on my period and would be utterly grossed out oral sex in your girlfriend's situation. Id also get pretty hacked off in a newish relationship if i was bleeding for 2 months straight and couldnt enjoy sex properly .

I also would naturally gravitate to a form of contraception that has the highest level of realibilty. Just it hasnt turned out great in this case. I also know how badly depo changes your hormones both good and bad.

Some of you posters are embarrassing.

OP, you are a man posting on Mumsnet. The majority of posters on here will flame you regardless of what you say. Honestly you stand no chance of receiving decent advice from the majority on here simply because you have a penis. You cannot win. I would look elsewhere for advice, which is a shame because some posters here do offer good advice.

Perhaps look into some more natural contraception. Not everyone gets on well with fake hormones. I don’t. But regardless of what medication or contraception she is/isn’t using you aren’t her emotional punching bag.

I don’t think I could be with a man who finds periods so disgusting