Ok this was what he sent.....
The reason my counsellor said I should contact his wife is mainly to do with what has gone on over the 5 years. I’ll be honest and say I was surprised he said it. Not something you’d expect. But he’s created such problems in my life that I had to get rid of him for me!
Anyhow here is his email...
Hello – I don’t know where to start with this but here goes. I have managed to lose my one in a billion, my needle in a stack of haystacks, my leaf in an Autumn storm and I wonder if I will ever find the girl will all the vowels again. The train for my birthday is hurtling into the station, whistle blowing, driver slamming the brakes on and you know what I don’t really care - big birthday or not. Concorde, some lad called Neil landed on the moon, the Stonewall night club in NY, the start of the troubles in Northern Ireland and little old me managed to scrape in and some bloke called Bryan sang about that Summer; did I tell you I once went to see him with some beautiful lady and I probably never said what an amazing evening it was or how much I enjoyed it.
We had lots of lovely times that I never told you at the time and I should have. I have finally realized that no matter how much you want things to work out they never do. Just hoping and praying but God saying “come on lad give me a hand with this one” but I didn’t listen, I am listening now. Things in life don’t just happen, you have to make them happen. So as for me thinking the river of life will take me where it will, sometimes you need to paddle.
When I wished you happy birthday I really wanted to see you but at that time, I thought things were maybe for the best and did not want us to end up back where we were and cause you any more upset. I was utterly wrong and the last few months have felt like utter despair. I should have told you then what I want to tell you now. I am not scared to move on but absolutely terrified I will drift right back to where I started, just because that is easy and that would be the end. Mind you, Xxx is nearly where he can legally decide his own future and Yyyy is almost her own person. I have made an utter mess of the last few months and years, said some stupid things, treated you terribly and for that I am very sorry; the act of contrition is a very long road. I know that sorry cannot just be a word or a single action in our case but a process that I must go through, if I can ever find your forgiveness (if nothing else). I have found myself driving about wanting to come and see you but having you think I had been kicked out and you were just some last resort – the side of a road in the rain is not a good place to be when you feel you are at rock bottom. What I want is to come and live with you, for us to have a life together (to give me a key, that I so wanted you to give me that lifetime ago) so there is no going back - only going forward with the love of my life.
That trip to Rome (to see the Pope), see the mountains of Snowdonia sparkle in your eyes (I know you want to go there), maybe a ferry to Amsterdam, see the northern lights (Kielder Observatory would be a start) – see the world with you and as Elvis said there is so much world to see. I suppose if Xxxx wanted to tag along now and then you would not mind. If you have moved on or you think there is too much water under the bridge now, then that is fine and I have to accept your decision. If the sun has set on us than I will have to live with that and where it takes me I don’t know. Hoping you get your happy ever after no matter what.
“Walked a thousand miles, seen a million smiles but none of them as beautiful as yours….”
Love you Zzzzzz. xxx