Advice

[OliveB20]

Ok I expect that I’ll get some stick here but I’m genuinely looking for some help.
I was involved with a married man for 5 years. Not proud of myself. I could tell you that I got lied to about his situation. That he’d spun a web of lies around my circle of friends for it to have happened in the first place. That in that time he’d left, gone back, left again, gone back again - repeat...
But that’s not why I’m here.
I finally got out of that situation 6 months ago. I got counselling to get through the decision to tell him to get stuffed. It was a shitty 6 months.
So 4 weeks ago I got a WhatsApp message from him asking me if I would please read an email he wanted to send me.
The email was begging me to forgive him. That he was moving out. That he hurts for hurting me and letting me go.
I was matter of fact telling him to sort his life out and that he needed to stop involving me in his life until he had completely got his shit together.
He messaged me again about 1 week later saying he was house viewing and that he would let me know how it has gone.
Since then. Nothing.
I’m sure I’ll get plenty of you got what you deserved etc. I’ll take that even if on my side of this story it wasn’t that clear cut.
My dilemma now is my counsellor has actually told me to forward the email to his wife. That the best way out of this for me is to apologise to her for being involved with him but make her aware he has tried to do it again.
If anyone has been on my side of the fence and done this - please let me know.
Or if you would want to hear this from the husbands “bit”

@FlashesOfRage 100% spot on with it all about him.

My counsellor said about letting his wife know, because he was actually angry at this man. Labelled him a narcissist.

The time with him was beyond confusing. The number of people he’d convinced he was genuine.

I honestly don’t believe my counsellor meant it out of meanness. I’m not going to do it. Just last couple of weeks I’ve been fretting that time will pass and then he’ll pop up again.

I shouldn’t care. I shouldn't be bothered.

I am just genuinely traumatised by the whole bloody thing.

Well, that was a self serving message!

Mail back saying: thank for the apology, it’s makes nothing better.
Please don’t message again.

@suggestionsplease1 yup that’s where he was coming from. A place of courage rather than spite. But I’m not going to do it probably because I’m not yet strong enough to stand tall enough in this yet.

I just keep telling myself “time will right this”. I’ve no doubt it will.

If you message him you will open up a line of communication.

Send back
'who is this'?

Couldn't get through his message, what utter tripe. Absolutely forward it to his wife and put a permanent stop to his nonsense.

What a shitbag full of shite. Move on with your life, this bloke is a holy horror show. He should have Untrustworthy Cheater stamped on his forehead, and his arse.

His wife got sick of him and kicked him out. He can't cope on his on so thought about who'd be mug enough to take him in. He thought that would be you (sorry). Wrote you what he considered a romantic plea worthy of Shakespeare, but was actually a self indulgent and self focused load of shite email. When you unexpectedly didn't leap at the chance of getting back with this god amongst men, he decided to try the same (probably just reworded the email) with his wife. She is stupidly considering it so there is no need for him to chase you.

Simples!

And if there was a noble literature award for worse romantic message ever, his is a shoe in! Pass the sickbag!

Your counselor sounds like they have no idea of what it is to deal with such a thoroughly toxic person. A psychopath. Maybe his isn't, but professionals should be acting in a 'worst case scenario', especially given what you have said.

For a psychopath, if you contact his wife, it is 'game on'. And it is what he wants. He has no real self, all he can do is manipulate people for fun. If you get involved, you are joining his game. Do you want to die?

Everyone here will say I am being OTT, but I am not. I've seen it before, too many times

Get out, block him, and contact the Police every time he contacts you. I mean it.

I couldn't bring myself to read all of the message. There are just too many words and the stench of BS is far too strong. Anyway, I would always go by a person's actions, especially given how he's behaved. Also...

That he was moving out.

^ This line in your op shone out to me. It told me immediately that he hadn't moved out yet. He was lining you up. Drawing you in, in case he does actually move.

I might be wrong. But the thing is, even if he means well and does end up committing to you... would you trust him now?

He's a smooth devil, isn't he? Very charming- maybe he is a narcissist, as that is classic. He doesn't say there that he's moving out btw- just something like he's 'not afraid of moving on'- more words and bollox.

I asked my friend who's a therapist and he agreed with me that if your counsellor said that, it's wrong of him. Did you mention it and him say you'd have to consider the pros and cons, or something like that? :/ It's unprofessional if he was the one to come out with it, as he's not the therapist of the married guy's wife, so shouldn't be trying to directly effect her life.

I don't think he'll come to the house if you ignore him- if he does, just tell him to fuck off, and call the police in the unlikely event you need to.

I wouldn't read any emails. He hasn't left his wife, so he's just leading you on again.

Also- you say you've blocked him on everything else, but you clearly haven't on Whatsapp, as he contacted you through there. Block him.