Brexit ruining family relationships

[vincentsleftear]

I've had an awful row with a relative about Brexit, and after considering the things they said, I'm struggling to see how to rescue things, or if I even want to.
Since my parents died, I've not been that close to my mum's side of the family. We're all pretty far flung now, and to be honest, I don't have that much in common with a lot of them. We do meet up occasionally, but these days it's only a couple of times a year. There is a history of various estrangements in the family, and I think my mum and her siblings were all pretty damaged by their upbringing. I found out after she died that her father (who died when I was a baby) used to beat my grandmother and the children.
I had a normal, middle class upbringing. My parents worked hard, and compared to some other members of the family, we were quite comfortably off. Me being an only child made a difference too. I was happy, but anxious as a child, and I have suffered with mental health problems on and off throughout my life. However, I've held down a steady job, have a lovely husband and child, and life is pretty good.
My relative recently joined Facebook, and hasn't really posted anything so far. My Facebook is quite political - I'm fairly left wing, a remainer, and the majority (though not all!) of people on there are similar. I'm aware of the social media bubbles we build around ourselves, but I do have quite a few friends who have differing views. I would never be so crass as to abuse them online, and I've never had any trouble on my timeline.
At the beginning of the week I posted something about the election, and my relative posted a vitriolic reply, accusing me of being out of touch, a class betrayer, spoilt, arrogant and stupid. She revealed herself to be a Brexit party fan, and really laid in to me. What hurt most though was that she said I always thought I was so fucking wonderful because I went to university, and yet my parents were so disappointed and ashamed of me because of my mental health (I had a breakdown about 25 years ago and couldn't work for nearly a year), and that I was mad like my grandmother on my dad's side (she suffered "with her nerves" as it was referred to years ago).
I was stunned by this - thankfully some of my wonderful friends jumped in and in the nicest way possible verbally eviscerated her.
I know at first my parents didn't really understand my mental health problems, but they were subsequently nothing but supportive. I was in tears that she could say something like this. I've always been open about my mental health when asked, but I don't speak about it much. I really don't know what to do now - I'm tempted to cut her out of my life - but I hate confrontation, and my anxiety has really been ramped up by this. Some fab friends are horrified - I've had people message me asking who the fuck she is, and how out of order she was - this from people that know me far better than her.
I just wanted to rant really, I veer from feeling upset, angry and sick. What would you do?

A EU CITIZEN, not resident. I live in the UK

sounds like a typical brexiteer to me and im not surprised she had a go at you about university. ime many brexiteers dont like education
What a ridiculous comment! I’m private school educated, work in finance, live in London, husbands black- I voted brexit. I’m able to see both sides of the argument, anyone who can’t, shouldn’t engage in debate as it will always descend Into an argument!
As for OP- your relative sounds pretty vile!

my relative is also convinced that cities are "overrun" with Asians because of Brexit
I mean because of the EU - she seems to think Brexit will stop all immigration from South East Asia - ie brown people.

yup shes a typical brexiteer- full of racist crap. it is a shock when you hear their incoherent hate ramblings for the first time.

Yeah, I wouldn't be wasting time on anyone who tried to shame me for getting an education or my mental health issues. Most brexiteers don't know what they hell they are talking about, which is why they have to rag on education so much to justify themselves.

Some of the comments here demonstrate why Brexit has caused such division
“Yup she’s a typical brexiteer - full of racist crap”

OP sounds like your relative is jealous and wants to “put you in your place”. I’ve experienced similar. Defriend.

" typical brexiteer " oh not that again.
While of course all the racist idiots will probably be Brexit voters,that's not to say all Brexit voters are racist idiots.
Not trying to start a debate here, but it doesn't help family relationships if people hold such black and white views on either side.

I had a similar Facebook encounter with an old school 'friend' in the week after the referendum. I had a long argument with her publicly. She then started gaslighting me because she was losing the argument. I don't have mental health problems, apart from the usual workplace stress, which nearly everyone has. I immediately blocked her after this. But according to other sources she was still talking about me negatively on her Facebook for years afterwards. I didn't care, I was just happy to not have her in my life in any way.

OP - Just block her, don't engage with her in any way, don't feel guilty about it, don't give it too much thought. She's just one of those people you do not need in your life.

Is your relative old with limited understanding of social media by any chance?

My dad has become a raving brexiter and it would be dishonest to say it has not affected our relationship. We don't talk about Brexit but if I post anything even vaguely political on Facebook he just can't help himself - for eg a weird Corbyn rant/ dig at me when I posted a meme that poked fun at all the party leaders (including Corbyn). I'm not a Corbyn fan, which makes it even odder.

OTOH he hasn't been personally abusive. In your case, I'd treat this the same way as being abused personally in public, and politely refuse to have anything to do with this person either on social media or in real life.

On the day of the referendum, I was pretty viciously berated by a relative fur having voted remain. I wasn’t engaging in debate about it at the time, I had just come home from work and was trying to cook dinner.

I was actually reduced to tears by their onslaught, it was so uncalled for. They left without apologising.

This relative was a foreign born national who held an EU passport and still would have done after Brexit. He was effectively an immigrant to the UK.

Sadly he passed away earlier this month. My feelings about him were changed by what happened and I found myself quite confusingly unemotional when he died. Our relationship never recovered.

This is exactly why I never talk politics with family. My father and brother are about as far left and right respectively as it is possible to be with me somewhere in the middle and it rarely ends well.

Block her immediately. She sounds like a nasty piece of work.
Insulting you regarding your mh and your relationship With your parents is a low. She's obviously jealous and just mean in general.
I'll leave no comment regarding the brexit party as I don't want my comment deleted.

I voted remain ( EU passport/ lives in the Uk with British dh and dual citizen dc) and dh voted leave. We don't really discuss politics but we have both had a laugh over some memes regarding Britain not having actually left yet .

Your relative is an arsehole. Block them and avoid where possible. It looks like they are using brexit as an excuse to have a go at you, I imagine they are jealous of you and are trying to 'take you down a peg'.

Mamandematribu I am confused, are you a EU citizen with British citizenship then? ( française ou belge si je me base sur le nom d'utilisateur mais je peux me tromper)
I have been considering getting the UK citizenship but I don't relish the thought of parting with 2 grand....

My husband replied on my FB post very reasonably and she replied saying he's only concerned about Brexit because of his health (he has a chronic illness), and that he's taken thousands out of the NHS, and is he worried he won't get his "free" car, and also that my treatment would have been expensive. She's crossed a line now. Utter bitch.

Oh and she's had a go about me being rich. This is definitely jealousy. I'm not rich, by the way, and neither is she poor, but she seems hung up on the amount I inherited from my parents (regardless of the fact that my dad left her £10k when he died!)

Block her. Who needs such toxic fuckwittery in their lives?

So much hate and mean spiritedness. It's all been whipped up by the tabloids and social media amplifies it. Unscrupulous politicians thrive on it and use it to their advantage. Truth, respect, reason and democracy suffer. It's hideous to watch.

People like your relative don't realise how much they've been manipulated. How fucked will she be when there's no NHS and no worker's rights?

@PerkingFaintly

I'm absolutely delighted about that and can't wait for them to realise this.

I'm bloody not. It's not like they'll go "Oh well never mind" when the penny drops.

If you think they're nasty now... Well. I'm not looking forward to it.

You know, you're right. I'm white British, I'm not going to get my head kicked by some Britain First leave voter. My own family wouldn't be violent (they're all old anyway) they wouldn't even be racist to somebody's face, I don't think. They would however stir up hatred on the internet and contribute to a general anti immigrant feeling in the country. This could help drive others to violence.

@vincentsleftear

So part of their reason for voting Leave was because they don't like the NHS?

I suppose at least with that reason they're not voting for a unicorn. According to the BMA and all the other medical professionals groups Brexit will be bad for the health service.

Yeah, the two things are indeed connected. Brexit, just like racism and all the other isms, is just the politics of envy.

You can always tell people like that because they will always tell you that you 'think you are better than me'. They never realise that all, the racism, the envy, the hatred and fear of loss of power ('sovereignity' lol) the conspiracies about the mythical 'elite' who have it in for them - ALL of it is because they simply feel inadequate about themselves.

Vendors you are so right.

I seriously think OP that you should just block this woman & not see her again as life is too short!!

Brexit itself didn’t ruin this family relationship. Plenty of people with interests in politics are able to conduct civilised conversations and debates and not take it personally.

What Brexit has done (and it’s far from the first divisive and emotive political ‘event’ in UK history to do so) is draw out the nastier sides of those who are prone to vitriol and meanness anyhow. Your relative sounds toxic, nasty and unhinged, and the best thing you can is completely block them. They clearly have personal issues with you and if it hadn’t been a political discussion which drew them out, it would have been something else down the line.

It’s unfortunate but at the same time, good to know where you really stand with these people.

I had to drop a friend recently over his Brexit behaviour. The funny thing is, we both voted leave. But his online behaviour was intolerable, telling people he disagreed with that they should have been aborted at birth, etc. No need for someone like that in my life.

OP I don’t think this has anything to do with brexit and everything to do with the fact that she’s a nasty bitch.
She sounds very bitter and jealous. If you totally cut her from your life, I doubt very much that you’d miss her.

Brexiteers will never take ownership of this.

That their campaign of lies was racist and supported by some real nasty elements in politics - UKIP, EDL, Britain First, Farage, (to say nothing of the Trump and Putin.) That since the ref we've seen a massive upsurge in racist (and sexist) attacks. That people (leavers) have been arrested for threats to remainers like Gina Miller. That Brexiteers employ the language of war - surrender, traitors, treason, (the same language that the brexiteer shouted at remainer Jo Cox). That when Boris (arch -brexiteer) was begged in the H of C by women from all parties to please, please dial it down because they were frightened for their lives, he said that's a load of humbug.

So yeah, the country is toxic at the moment, and your Aunt is absolutely typical of the type spreading the toxicity.