Permission from DH to dye my hair

[Struggles123]

I dyed my hair and my DH initial reaction was that he didn’t like it & he hopes it’s not permanent. I said don’t worry it’s a semi and the first couple of washes loads of the colour will come out.

It has faded. I like it. It’s not far from my natural colour.

My DH was in a mood one evening & he turned around and said to me that he finds me unattractive with this hair colour (which I find hurtful) and that next time I want to make a change to my physical appearance that I should consult him first.
I didn’t agree. I explained that it will wash out in a few months & How am I supposed to grow old with you if you can be so shallow with regards to my looks??
A day later when he was in a better mood I tried to address it again and he didn’t change his mind. He was full on moody that I dyed my hair without speaking with him first.

Do you find this reasonable please?

DH can do what he likes to his body, it's his body. I might have an opinion on it, but I'd likely be keeping it to myself if it wasn't positive, unless asked, in which case I'd tactfully voice my opinion but most certainly wouldn't expect him to act in deference to it.

DH is the same with me.

We might be a combined unit, but we're still separate, autonomous individual human beings.

DH has told me he doesn’t like a hair cut/hair colour before, as I have with him. But if we like it we’d keep it, and we’d never think of consulting the other first

Unfortunately there is no reasoning with him on this one

No need to reason with him.

Your hair your choice.

Now when are you dying it next? What colour are you going for? I think you need to pop along to the style board to discuss hair colours.

Is he like this in other areas of your life? This would be a major red flag to me.

What an utter cockwomble. I don't like my husband's beard and he doesn't like my fringe... But neither of us would ever tell one another how to look. If you enjoy your hair then you keep it! X

Wow!!! He would have been told to fuck right off.

I think ViciousJackdaw might have put her finger/wing on it. Your gorgeous glossy hair makes you even more attractive, he feels threatened because other men might look at you.

My exH was a bit like this. Never criticised my appearance, but never encouraged me to look nice. Once i started growing my hair, going to the gym and wearing nicer clothes, he thought i was seeing someone. I wasnt. I was sick of being fat and frumpy and meh...i just wanted to be attractive and fashionable and a bit less fat. But he couldnt handle it and it was the final straw for our already-crap marriage.

Although I personally hate hair dye, a husband or wife has no say in whether the other likes hair dye and uses it. Yes, they can express their opinion but not in such a negative way. Something like, your natural colour suits you better but this is a nice colour too...would be ok. Saying that a hair colour is awful, unattractive and don’t do it is controlling and creepy. You are not a doll he can dress up as he likes.

Whut?

I think if my OH decided to comment negatively on my hair colour and I've had a lot of colours over the years, I would suddenly have to be a lime green one week and a burnt orange the next etc etc.
And even though they dont compare, if he came home with a shaved head and eyebrows I would pass no comment. After all it grows back. As for tattoos and piercings, same. Not my body, not my choice.

Erm...This is absolutely not okay. Tell him you'll do whatever the fuck you want with your hair and if he's got a problem, he can go and find somebody else who might let him walk all over them, but it won't be you. Completely unacceptable.

If my other half said that to me I'd laugh in his face, then I might start picking holes in his appearance, just to entertain myself

Time for a blue mohawk.

He's entitled to his opinion, but he's not entitled to be moody and rude towards you

Did you give him permission to be such an arsehole?

Has he got all his hair? If not perhaps you could say well I never gave you permission to go bald, despite me not being attracted to bald men. God, I so hope he is bald 😂

He's being pretty harsh, I'd personally say do what you like with your hair. He's entitled not to like it though but doesn't have to be rude about it.

I've seen (and disagree with) many posts in the past of ladies despising their DH's facial hair and refusing to kiss them until they shaved it off, so I feel like there may be a little bit of hypocrisy going on.

If he criticises your appearance again, tell him he's no oil painting either, and tell him what you dislike about his tiny cock appearance. See how he likes it.

It would honestly never occur to me to consult my DH on hair colour at all. He wouldn't be remotely interested for a start! A compliment when it's done is all I ask. I think I would be going a shade stronger next time op and definitely permanent!

Totally unreasonable. Who does he think he is?

I have never consulted DH or anyone really on my appearance. My hair colour changes regularly, I like it when it's a slightly bolder colour, I know DH prefers my natural colour. Oh well!
I didn't consult him when I had my nose pierced, or when I had my most recent tattoo either. It's not his body!

Well, my initial thought is along the lines of fuck the patriarchy/don’t let a man tell you how to look/you’re not his dolly etc etc which is valid, and if you like how you look then that’s important.

On the other hand, if my dark haired husband peroxided his hair and beard I would find him less attractive, but I don’t think I would address it quite as rudely and childishly as your husband has.

After an incident resulting in DP completely shaving off his beard and my horrified reaction (couldn't look at him for an hour, I was just shocked, didn't change how attractive he is) we now give each other a heads up on changes.

"Dyeing my hair pink, FYI"
"Okay"

He's bald so his opinion on hair means shit anyway.

Your DH is being unreasonable AF. Having an opinion - yes. Calling you unattractive - good god no. Upload a pic of him so we can poke holes in his appearance if you'd like.

Brown to glossy brown.
My guess is that you look "better" and that pisses him off and is bringing out the controlling, abusive, twattery.

I do ask my husband his opinion. I do care what he thinks. I don't care what anyone else thinks of my appearance. I have an opinion if he alters his appearance, and I'm honest. If I have to be blunt to get my opinion over I do. He grew a moustache, I told him I found it unattractive. He looked less attractive to me.

I dyed my hair and the bf hated it, but said simply that he didn't think it suited me as much.

Which I happened to agree with.

But he didn't go as far as your husband. I'd have been less than pleased.