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Original poster

Permission from DH to dye my hair

75 replies

Struggles123 · 01/11/2019 15:08

I dyed my hair and my DH initial reaction was that he didn’t like it & he hopes it’s not permanent. I said don’t worry it’s a semi and the first couple of washes loads of the colour will come out.

It has faded. I like it. It’s not far from my natural colour.

My DH was in a mood one evening & he turned around and said to me that he finds me unattractive with this hair colour (which I find hurtful) and that next time I want to make a change to my physical appearance that I should consult him first.
I didn’t agree. I explained that it will wash out in a few months & How am I supposed to grow old with you if you can be so shallow with regards to my looks??
A day later when he was in a better mood I tried to address it again and he didn’t change his mind. He was full on moody that I dyed my hair without speaking with him first.

Do you find this reasonable please?

OP posts:

SarahNade · 01/11/2019 15:31

Unfortunately there is no reasoning with him on this one

I don't like the sound of that. OP it sounds like you've given in and just accepted that you need to ask permission. Absolute rubbish. You really need to nip this behaviour in the bud and right now. He needs to know in no uncertain terms that you will do as you wish to your appearance, and you will not be asking his permission, that YOU like the hair colour and you intend on keeping it that colour.

bluebellation · 01/11/2019 15:36

I hope you're just going to ignore him and carry on doing what you like with your hair. I often ask DH's opinion if I'm trying to decide on hair/ clothes etc, but no way would I ask him for permission to look a certain way

Sparklfairy · 01/11/2019 15:37

Yeah this isn't on. Body autonomy is yours and yours only. Where does it end? The outfit you wear, putting on weight... And the manner in which he's expressed his opinion is deliberately designed to erode your self esteem and make you want to mould yourself to an image of his choosing.

Draw a line in the sand now and make sure he doesn't ever cross it.

Original poster

Struggles123 · 01/11/2019 15:38

I am brunette, dyed hair looks glossy so I fancied a change & went to a chocolate colour.

To the poster who said how would I feel if my husband had an extreme makeover - I would politely tell him that I preferred his look before.
My post is also about the way he has gone about it.
My makeover is not extreme.

OP posts:

dontalltalkatonce · 01/11/2019 15:39

You're right, there is no reason to consult him on what you do with your hair at all.

AngelsSins · 01/11/2019 15:41

How would you feel if he turned up with his head and eyebrows shaved, nipple rings, tattoos etc?

Keep it in perspective for god sake. Like this is anything close to a temporary natural hair colour.

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 01/11/2019 15:43

So from 1 shade of brown to another? I'd be telling him where to shove his unwanted opinion...

hallohallohallo · 01/11/2019 15:43

next time I want to make a change to my physical appearance that I should consult him first

Consult him as in ask his permisson which he may or may not give to allow you to do what you want with your own hair?

You went from brown hair to another shade of brown hair? I'd hardly call that dramatic. Lots of women dye, cut, curl, straighten, restyle their hair and what is his problem exactly? That you didn't ask his permission first? He's a twat!

Harrysmummy246 · 01/11/2019 15:44

I listen to my husband's preference for my hair a bit longer then say: yes but I have to deal with it and being pulled by toddler and it's my body so, I'll consider it slightly but still do what I like.

If I got that line about consulting first, I'd most definitely be doing something more outrageous without mentioning it beforehand

Harrysmummy246 · 01/11/2019 15:45

And if I'm honest, my husband wouldn't even notice if I dyed my hair to be honest. He only spotted the first set of highlights this year as they were VERY blonde. Last cut he didn't notice and even if he did, didn't say anything either way :/

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 01/11/2019 15:46

A normal DH would help you to apply the colour and spot bits you've missed, before wiping stray spots off your face before you are stained. Not require permission to be sought in advance. My hair has been blue, purple, black, red, blonde, brown, pink - DH loved the poppy red so that was the colour I stayed while he had chemo, to cheer him up. He hated the blonde, but wouldn't have forbidden it or been off with me - it's only hair.

DarlingNikita · 01/11/2019 15:46

next time I want to make a change to my physical appearance that I should consult him first.

He needs a firm word with himself.

ExcitedForFuture · 01/11/2019 15:47

You have brown hair, and dyed it brown. Wtf is his actual issue here?

I admit DP would prefer to just shave his hair (grade 1 or 2 all over) and I REALLY don't like it. He does take my opinion on board and has a cut, shorter around the sides with a bit of length on top, so a compromise. I was toying with the idea of getting my long hair cut shorter and he said he likes it long, so I had it cut but midway between long and the length I was thinking of. I feel these were both reasonable things.

However, if I was told I couldn't/shouldn't do something to my appearance and had to discuss it first, then I'd make a point of doing exactly what I wanted.

bengalcat · 01/11/2019 15:47

I’d be tempted to buy a blue/purple wig in a similar style and enjoy the look on his face / words from his mouth .

cacklingmags · 01/11/2019 15:50

Tell him to fuck the fuck right off. And if he does not find you attractive with this hair then he certainly does not get to have sex with you. Though you might want keep on looking in mirrors when he is around stroking your hair and flirting with your gorgeous self, whilst keeping him very much at arms length. Teach the controlling arsehole a lesson.

79andnotout · 01/11/2019 16:01

Yeah that's not on. He can state his preference but you bloody well don't have to ask permission. I've told my DP I hate his scraggly long beard but I'd never tell him he had to shave it off. Ditto he doesn't like me with short hair but tough, I hate having long hair in summer, so off it goes.

ViciousJackdaw · 01/11/2019 16:01

I am brunette, dyed hair looks glossy so I fancied a change & went to a chocolate colour

I wonder if the issue is not that he thinks your hair makes you look shit but that it makes you look HOT!

And he does not like you looking hot because Other Men will pay attention to you and you will not be able to resist them.

Just a thought...

Themutts · 01/11/2019 16:01

Currently I've spent 2 years with my hair a colour my husband doesn't really like. Occasionally he says things like "I miss your brown hair" but that's as far as he goes. Simply because it's not his hair! I also prefer when he is clean shaven - but that hardly ever happens and that is his call.

Maybe your partner needs to be told how these things work.

Sohololopopo · 01/11/2019 16:03

Personally for me I would prefer DP to be honest as I am with him. But he wouldn’t say it in such a disrespectful way so YANBU.

BooseysMom · 01/11/2019 16:04

I've just dyed mine for the first time in years and although DH wasn't very helpful, he certainly didn't come out with bullshit like that! What a cheek!

duckling84 · 01/11/2019 16:05

I dyed my brunette hair red once and dh told me it looked like I'd had a period on my head. He didn't hide that he hated it but at the same time he would never tell me I need to ask his permission because it's not the 1950s. I do value his opinion though so haven't dyed it red since, just like he values mine and hasn't grown back that beard I hated.

I can't believe your dh is having such an extreme reaction going from one shade of brown to another. That's crazy.

iklboo · 01/11/2019 16:07

Mine would be bright purple before he came home next time.

IdblowJonSnow · 01/11/2019 16:07

Do you really have to ask?

0SometimesIWonder · 01/11/2019 16:08

Turns out you married a man from the 1950s.
Nearly choked on my tea reading that. I grew up in the fifties and my dad wouldn't have dared behave like this toward my mum.

Widowodiw · 01/11/2019 16:08

I’d be straight down the hairdressers to get a permanent colour.

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