How to approach DH about this?

[avosalad]

Both DH and I work weekdays. He leaves at 8am and returns between 7pm-9pm. He works as a contractor for a firm who does everything from bathroom fittings to rendering so it’s a physically taxing job and I understand he is tired when he gets home. I leave the house just after him and drop DD at nursery so he sees her for 10 mins in the morning whilst eating breakfast. I pick DD up after work and return home around 5:30pm. I feed DD, bathe her, put her to bed and clean the house. When DH tells me he’s heading home I start on dinner for us. Last night was the worst as we needed some ingredients from the shop so he took a few detours. I made a big lasagne so we can reheat it over the next few days. By the time we sat down to eat it was 11pm which is just ridiculous!

To make matters worse, as we were eating DH mentioned that he would be helping his Dad install a new bath at his house, his grandad some new taps and some garden work for family friends at the weekend. All unpaid obviously! He gets a shit wage already for the amount of work he does. For example, he got paid just £200 for last week when he worked 84 hours as he had to work for the full weekend too. I get £360 for 35/40hrs. It’s starting to take the proverbial if I’m honest. My main gripe is that he didn’t think the check if it was okay with me that he would be out all weekend again or even consider the fact he’s not really spent any time with DD in months and it’s upsetting her. I’m also 21 weeks pg and just want to spend time with my husband who I love! He didn’t come to the 20 week scan as there was a job that could only be completed with more than one person and the client was complaining. How do I go about speaking to him about it? I’m a bit hormonal so don’t want to get upset or cause an argument. I just wanted to cry when he said he would be busy at the weekend, we haven’t spent any time together apart from meals in months

His wage situation definitely needs to be clarified OP. I'd want to see the payslips.

Is he the type to gamble?

he could easily get £8 an hour bare minimum labouring. Or working in a shop. He could charge £10 for about 10 minutes window cleaning if he’s like my window cleaner. We have someone washing cars that’s making a killing in our neighbourhood having built up a good reputation.
Do you live in an area with bad unemployment?

At a rate of £40 per day, as soon as he works more than 4.9 hours his employer is breaking the law by no longer paying NMW.

Have you seen the payslips, OP?

Either the employer is breaking the law by paying below minimum wage or by paying actual cash in hand (i.e. by not declaring payments - obviously it's not illegal to get paid in cash if HMRC know the amounts)

I don't understand why an employer doing either of these things would want to evidence their wrongdoing with a paper trail of payslips so this all sounds really odd.

Is he paying tax? He could be working all those hours and getting himself in a tight mess.

He'd be better off advertising himself as a handy man. They are gold dust around here.

I think he could be getting very little on paper and getting extra in cash and not telling you, as maybe you’d be angry about it? I’ve worked years ago in an office sending out lads to work in different places and I found out the prices they were telling me they’d got for a job was actually way below their truthful earnings so they could pocket the difference.

Is he under 18? Or doing an apprenticeship?

It sounds like he is an apprentice?

He’s 29 so should be getting at least £8 an hour but if it’s a day rate then I don’t understand how much he should be getting paid. I’ve never know him to gamble and if he’s not at work or helping his parents like this weekend then he’s at home catching up on sleep or spends the odd day with us so he’s got no time to spend any extra money if there is any. He doesn’t really buy anything either other than the odd clothes item or food bits from the supermarket. He doesn’t get deliveries as I’d see them or at least a slip through the door if he’s no ones home. I’m usually always downstairs when he comes in too so I’d see if he was bringing anything inside. He puts the cash into his bank account anyway so there’s a trail there if there is some tax evasion going on and I don’t think he’s that silly. If he gets payslips then it should have been deducted before he gets paid, hopefully I’ll get some answers when he’s home! Does anyone understand day rates? Sort of derailing the thread a bit sorry but I’m a confused

No employer should be paying their staff so little that it then calculates as under NMW per hour regardless of it of its a day rate.

Day rates are for self employed people.

11pm is standard dinner time here. Work at 5am, I honestly don't have a freakin clue where the time goes.
Firstly husband needs a new job. Currently anything is better than what he's doing. Macdonalds, tesco, B&Q all pay nmw or above and have benefits. How the fk does he expect to feed a family of 4 on 2quid an hour?
Doing favours for family is fine, could he take your daughter with him to be entertained by other family?
If it's hard to make him listen write it in a letter

A day rate is usually for working 8/9-5/6. Not 12 hour days! Sometimes long days are necessary to finish a job on schedule but its certainly not normal for every day to be a 12 hour day. Where are these jobs? In peoples houses?

I asked him how long he’d be at his parents and if their bath needs replacing in a nice manner. He said no, his Dad just took one from a job that would have been thrown away and wants it installed because it’s ‘better’. Little bit peeved at that but I’ll put on a happy face for DH. Yeah it’s work people’s houses, both lived in and empty. There’s work being done on the house next door and I’ve known them to start at 7am and leave at 7pm but it is empty and they’re probably on a tight schedule. They’re working every day there but DH can do several jobs in one week, not just one for a period of time. Should I ask to look at all his payslips or would I be overstepping?

Should I ask to look at all his payslips or would I be overstepping?

No just tell him to get a new job pronto. Take no excuses. If he makes excuses about keeping job that pays him £2 and hour then he’s hiding something.

I would look at his payslips, then help him sort out a proper wage

Does he have a legal right to work in the UK? He's either being taken advantage of or not being truthful.

It's your families livelihood, definitely not overstepping the mark. Don't need to be a duck about it (I'm not saying you are, but I would probably go steam rolling in like a crazy person) just ask him kindly and offer assistance in finding him something steady with real pay.
Best of luck OP

Ive just hired a painter and decorator he charges a day rate of £120. That is in the North East. YOur DH is definitely being underpaid!

And yes, I wouldn’t be expecting him to work 12 hour days.

And with regard to this weekend, speak to him now about it. Don't leave it. Then it will make more sense.

It is fair enough to want to spend time as a family when you both work all week. Speak up, woman!

I'd look at this from a safety perspective too. If this "company" is prepared to expect people to work for under 3quid an hour and doesn't do payslips and time sheets etc, let alone tax and ni, what do they do about actual safe working practices in the trade they are in? Has he had any proper training? Is the company insured? What if your dh isn't provided the right tools or shown properly how to use them?

This is bizarre. Why are you doing everything in the home and childcare when you are the 'breadwinner'? Look at the payslips and if he's telling the truth, he needs a new job immediately. Also, just tell him you need some time to yourself at the weekend so he'll have to factor that in to the time he actually has to help others- instead of once again assuming that you'll do everything at home.
Drives me crazy how women on here fall into 'traditional' women roles (which is bad enough) but especially when they are then expected to also do the stereotypical male roles like supporting the family

NMW applies regardless of day rate, weekly rate or monthly salary. It is illegal to be paid less. If he is paid £40 per day, that only covers approx 4.5 hours. If he works more hours, he is legally entitled to more. Just google National Minimum Wage. There’s no dubiety.

Different rules if your working for yourself obviously. However if he has payslips, he must be employed by someone, and his employers tax reference should be stated.

I don’t think he’s earning enough to pay tax! Think the limit is £11.5k pa. However, he Is earning enough to pay National Insurance, which could mean he may be able to claim benefits of some description.

Have a look at the payslips. They should also be sent electronically to HMRC each week, and if the employer is reporting the correct hours (suspect they are fudging these), it would flag up that employer is acting illegally.

I seem to recall that the gov.uk website has some good advice for reporting dodgy employers not paying NMW.

It makes my blood boil that hard working people can be treated so badly. I bet the employer is charging your DH out at about £150 a day!

All I can say is Vote Labour

Something doesn't stack up here OP and you need to find out what part it is.

He REALLY needs to get a different job and I agree that if there is any resistance to this, there is something going on behind the scenes that needs uncovering pronto.