Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

New dp And me not wanting to invite him over for Christmas.

35 replies

Lovemusic33 · 30/10/2019 13:29

It’s more of a AIBU.

Been seeing each other for 5/6 months, haven’t introduced him to the kids. He keeps moaning about how rubbish Christmas is going to be this year as he isn’t seeing his kids (his ex wants to take it turns having them for Christmas and has decided this year she’s having them), he keeps on about how he might just go away somewhere so he doesn’t have to celebrate it and is being pretty down about it all. I understand he’s upset about not seeing his kids but he has close family and will see his kids Boxing Day and sees them quite a bit. Part of me feels sorry for him and wants to invite him to mine but the other part of me doesn’t want someone being grumpy and depressed al day when I’m trying to enjoy the day with my kids. Christmas is already a tough time for me as it holds bad memories but I try and make it fun for the people around me (mainly the kids).

AIBU not inviting him over and to let him go off on his own in a sulk?

I kind of feel like I don’t mean much to him as he hasn’t even mentioned me being a part of his Christmas or new year, keeps moaning that next year will be just as rubbish as next year so obviously I haven’t made much difference in his life.

OP posts:

user1483387154 · 30/10/2019 13:35

yanbu. christmas would be the worst time to introduce him to your kids

DonnaDarko · 30/10/2019 13:38

I don't think you've known him long enough and Christmas would be a really bad time.

It sounds like he moaning a lot so you might give in, which sounds manipulative.

I could be reading too much into this though

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/10/2019 13:39

I wouldn't dream of it. 5/6 months is no time when you have DC and Christmas would be the worst time to introduce him to them. Don't give it a second thought, though if he tries to push the idea I'd definitely take it as a red flag.

TheStuffedPenguin · 30/10/2019 13:41

He's hinting for an invite.

You both need to discuss this obviously !

TimetohittheroadJack · 30/10/2019 13:43

Why would he be grumpy and sulky with you though? It’s not your fault he’s not seeing his kids.

It is a bit early to introduce him but I’d say no because of the sulking.

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 30/10/2019 13:44

Donna I think your right, I don’t think he will ask to come over but will try and make me feel bad by moaning about how awful his Christmas is going to be. I do feel sorry for him, he hasn’t been on his own as long as I have and is struggling with the fact he won’t be seeing his kids but it doesn’t mean he has to make everyone else feel miserable (which is what he seems to be doing). I have no plans on introducing my dc to him as it’s early days and I’m unsure how long it’s going to last (mainly due to his downer on everything). I enjoy the run up to Christmas, probably more than the actual day but I feel I can’t talk about it or make plans to do anything festive.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 30/10/2019 13:46

Thestuffed I have tried to discus this with him, he admitted that he’s been feeling depressed but says he’s gradually feeling better. I told him I don’t really feel appreciated due to him moaning but it doesn’t seem to sink in. I think he’s just one of those who likes to moan about things, I’m beginning to think we are not really suited.

OP posts:

nowayhose · 30/10/2019 14:49

RED FLAG for me !

Only been seeing him for a few months, hasn't met or got any relationship with your kids (obvs, cos you've not known him long), and he's already told you 'it's gonna be a crap Christmas', so wherever he is on Xmas day he's gonna be crap company !

NO WAY should you invite him into your family Xmas to spoil it for you and your DC !

He sounds a real twat who can't see the bright side if things aren't going his way. :(

sofato5miles · 30/10/2019 14:52

Just bloody tell him that you are not inviting him this Christmas. Give whatever reasons you want.

Raphael34 · 30/10/2019 15:01

Do you actually see a happy future with this man? If you stay with him he’ll eventually meet your children. And ruin every other Xmas when he doesn’t have his. It’s not hard to look on the bright side of things and he can spend Xmas doing whatever he wants and have his Xmas Boxing Day with his children

Interestedwoman · 30/10/2019 15:14

Xmas is not an issue- if you didn't fear/know that he was a moody bugger, you'd probably find him a pleasure to have, as he'd act well and be grateful to be invited.

Wouldn't be my kind of guy and I like to think I'd dump ones like him nowadays. Too much like my dad!

nomoreclue · 30/10/2019 15:32

He hasn’t been on his own long yet you’ve dated for several months?? What are you doing?

Uponreflection · 30/10/2019 15:35

I was going to say you could ask him over for a small part of the time eg Christmas Eve for a drink but your later posts suggest you are not that keen on him in general!

Winterdaysarehere · 30/10/2019 15:38

My exh resented me having my dc full time when he didn't see his much. Beware op.

minesagin37 · 30/10/2019 15:44

Why are you seeing this miserable sod. Isn't the ways he's behaving now a clue ffs?

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 30/10/2019 15:55

When I say he hasn’t been on his own long...he is divorced, has been out of a relationship for 2 years but was living with his parents until 6 months ago, he had the kids last Christmas for half the day and assumed it would be the same this year. I have been on my own for almost 5 years. He will probably spend Christmas with his parents, he has other family too so it’s not as though he’s going to be alone.

And yes, I agree that it’s a red flag, this is the reason I didn’t plan on introducing him to the kids. I guess I was hoping he would shake off the negativity and cheer the fuck up but it’s not looking like it’s going to happen.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 30/10/2019 16:22

Sounds like maybe he was a miserable sod with the ex too.

Put it this way, if I split from my husband I wouldn't think of keeping him from his kids on Christmas. I'd at least have him visit briefly or for Christmas dinner with the family or vice versa. Because he's still the kids dad and it's Christmas day.

I'm assuming that if this is not the case, its because - it wasn't an amicable split. And generally speaking, if the split was so bad that she doesn't let him see the kids on Xmas..at least one of them is a c*nt.

I'd be rethinking this guy. Something's not right.

Raphael34 · 30/10/2019 16:25

I don’t think this necessarily means one of them is a cunt. They’re alternating Xmas days and he’s got them Boxing Day this year. That’s how most split families work

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 30/10/2019 16:31

Pink my dc’s don’t see their dad Christmas Day, he’s not a cunt and I don’t stop him seeing them, it’s just an agreement between us.
DP’s ex let him see the kids last year, she wants to take them somewhere this year and has asked if they can do alternative years which seems sensible to me?

OP posts:

MrsJasonIsbell · 30/10/2019 16:36

I did this last year - was guilted into inviting him. Regret that and the relationship sooo much. Please don't. My youngest has nightmares as he turned out to be a right nasty bastard!
First relationship in years and has made me so wary!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/10/2019 17:00

Sorry. That sounds awful, MrsJasonIsbell.. This year will give you the opportunity to make new, happy memories.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/10/2019 17:13

I think he’s just one of those who likes to moan about things

Don't let this one end up as 'Mum's bloody pain in the butt partner'.

Dump!

NightsOfCabiria · 30/10/2019 17:48

What positives does he bring to your life OP?

If its just sex and company, you can get that without the hassle of a miserable, guilt-tripping relationship with this man.

Sparkletastic · 30/10/2019 18:11

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 30/10/2019 18:34

Nights your right, i think a lot of it is I'm fed up of looking for someone, I've met so many ass holes and compared to most of them he has been pretty nice, I know I shouldn't just settle with someone that's just "ok" and safe. At the moment the good points are the sex, the fact he's not likely to run off with anyone else and the fact he treats me ok but I know he's a negative thinker and will drag me down. I only see him 2 evenings a week and I have no if he to see him any more than that. He would have to get his shit together and cheer up before I ever introduced him to my kids but it seems that's not likely to happen. I think he's likely to never get over the fact his wife kicked him out and that he no longer gets to see his kids every day. Maybe he was a grumpy twat with her too and she finally had enough?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2