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Original poster

I had to cancel a date because my toddler has croup. Does he sound like an arse?

72 replies

UsuallyQuiteUnreasonable · 29/10/2019 22:13

I was invited on a date for this evening but I had to cancel because my child has developed croup, for obvious reasons I wasn't prepared to leave him and go on my jollies whilst he needs to be with his primary caregiver. Croup aside, he also has additional needs.

I sent a WhatsApp first thing this morning apologising for having to cancel but explained why.

He read my message and blanked me.

I'm not sure what I feel like an appropriate response would have been, but a polite acknowledgment nevertheless and perhaps a "hope he gets well soon" or a suggestion to rearrange. You know, common decency.

The bloke is somebody I was seeing in the past, so we already know one another.

The more I've reflected on his personality the more I remember that he's actually a bit of an arse in general, so I don't plan on seeing him again..

But is it just me who thinks that's quite rude and insensitive?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/10/2019 04:23

The upside is that you get to remember what a dick head he is without spending a penny or a moment in his presence.

Monty27 · 30/10/2019 04:36

Block him. Just love your kids they'll make you happier Flowers

itsmecathycomehome · 30/10/2019 05:13

Well if there are other things too then yes absolutely block and move on.

But I've got a few friends who are online dating and I know it has made them cynical to the point that they have come to expect a last minute cancellation. Perhaps he had high hopes or just thought you wouldn't do that, and is disappointed.

But yes, given your former friendship, you'd expect him to send a brief reply even if he was sceptical.

TarMcAdam · 30/10/2019 07:23

Absolutely ridiculous and very rude.

A fkg stranger in the street would v likely say "hope your little one's ok" to you.

If he truly doesn't believe you; what's the solution to that .. you scraping and double texting trying to convince every time you gave to cancel due to child? An assumption that you're lying (and about your child's health at that) is not exactly the starting point/a good base for a budding relationship.

It sounds like this has reminded you that he's not reasonable anyway and highlighted that you probably shouldn't have been giving him another chance.

Cheeseandwin5 · 30/10/2019 09:27

There are many reasons why he didn't respond and I would listed to the haters who have automatically decided he is a loser.
He maybe deciding on what response to say, whether you really like him or any range of reasons which would be deemed acceptable if the shoe was on the other foot.
Did you arrange another date to meet up? I think if you had done that it would have been easier for him to understand the situation.

burnoutbabe · 30/10/2019 09:36

We've all received those messages when online dating before a first date always some sick child/mum etc.
I mean you'd probably say no worries, hope its better soon but really you don't really believe them. And generally don't hear from them again after that.

UnicornsExist · 30/10/2019 10:26

Ghosting a big texter has far more effect than sending a stroppy message or blocking. Literally just ignore any contact from him. Yes, a sick child etc is an easy get out for someone who has decided that they can't be bothered with a date but when he knows you have a toddler and actually already knows you it's also very likely to be genuine. He's an arse. Don't waste any more time on him, don't block him, just move on to the next one.

itsmecathycomehome · 30/10/2019 10:41

I think cheese has a point. If OP's message was apologetic and offered an alternative, that looks more genuine than a simple 'sorry can't make it' text that nobody really believes. He's probably on a forum complaining that yet another potential date cancelled last minute.

Original poster
UsuallyQuiteUnreasonable · 30/10/2019 10:52

Sorry I wasn't more clear, he's not from online dating.

We dated casually years ago after meeting at a pub and he knows me fairly well as a result of that period we spent together.. definitely well enough to know I wouldn't lie about my sick child.

He's a cynical person in general, but I had some good memories of fun times with him (pre serious relationship and children)

However now I've actually stopped and assessed the situation I have very clear memories of him being an arsey git too.

I agreed to the date because I wanted to let my hair down, I wasn't looking for anything serious.

I didn't block him last night as I wanted to see whether he would get back to me but he hasn't so it has confirmed my initial thoughts.

OP posts:
FarAwaySheep · 30/10/2019 10:52

If he's the type of person who assumes you are lying to get out of the date...

Be aware that people generally assume that others have similar standards to their own. The people who suspect everyone of lying (not just the few who probably are lying!) are the people who are likely to be liars themselves. The people who suspect all their partners of cheating are the people who are likely to be unfaithful themselves. Etc etc etc.

I would steer clear of anyone whose default reaction is to suspect you of treating them badly. It tells you a lot about them.

Letsnotusemyname · 30/10/2019 11:00

Every grey cloud has a silver lining.

Sounds like a bit of an arse. Lucky escape.

Even if he didn't know what croup is he could google it and realise its quite serious - and not just a cough. I was hospitalised and spent time in an oxygen tent with it when I had it as a child.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 30/10/2019 11:01

He's got the hump! Massively unattractive trait there

If he ever gets back to you is tell him what are rude arsehole he is

Hope your d's feels better soon. Croup is pants

dontknowdontknow · 30/10/2019 11:04

I think he's done you a massive favour showing is true colours before you wasted any more time in him! Yes don't block just rise above! Much more satisfying...

Original poster
UsuallyQuiteUnreasonable · 30/10/2019 11:07

Interesting point about cynical people judging others by their own standards.

There was one or two occasions where he had to rearrange in the past, I certainly didn't dispute or doubt what he told me.

How strange to assume somebody would lie about a young child having a fairly serious condition to get out of a date Confused

Out of curiosity I did check WhatsApp to see whether he has been active, just incase I was being unfair thinking badly of his lack of response and he had been busy or not online.. nope he's been very active on there just doesn't have the decency to respond.

Bullet dodged. Maybe i will try OLD Grin

OP posts:
Iputtherustedscrewinyoureye · 30/10/2019 11:27

I once had to cancel a date due to a sick child. The reply I had was 'oh gosh, that's disappointing was looking forward to tonight. Hope DD gets better soon we can rearrange when she is better. Do you need anything dropping round? Calpol for DD chocolates for you? Or any shopping for tmoz so you don't need to drag her out?'

This was only our second date. He is now my fiancé and we have 2 children together.

It is very telling what kind of person people are when something doesn't go their way.

I wouldn't block, but I wouldn't pursue him any further.

SpookilyBadOooooooh · 30/10/2019 11:30

How’s DS today?

I’d just quietly enjoy ignoring the prick. At least now you won’t waste any time on him. Plenty of fish in the sea 🐠🐟🐠🐟

Charm23 · 30/10/2019 11:37

Thank God he showed his true colours now and not once you were more emotional invested. First date is all about first impressions (even if you knew him previously) and he's well and truly failed on that front. I hope your little one gets been soon x

Original poster
UsuallyQuiteUnreasonable · 30/10/2019 11:38

Iputtherustedscrewinyoureye, your fiance sounds wonderful!

DS is miserable today, very clingy and sounds like he's barking but I'm hoping it will improve soon - thank you for asking spookily

And thank you to other PP's for the concern also

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 30/10/2019 11:41

Better for you both to figure out early on that seeing someone with kids isn't going to suit him. He clearly doesn't like the fact that your child will always come before him. Lucky escape I think. Hope your sons is ok

Loveablers · 30/10/2019 11:46

I don’t get all the posters slagging him off Confused

you cancelled the date, OP. Why are you expecting him to do all the running and initiating conversation?

Online daters do this all the time. There was once a thread on here about a woman who was meant to be meeting someone from online dating however he cancelled because his family member was rushed into hospital. She went out anyway and saw him with his mates!

I can’t believe you’re expecting him to initiate contact after you cancelled the date Hmm regardless of the reason - you cancelled not him! If this was the other way round everybody would be telling you to block him because he’s wasting your time or to let him grovel and make it up to you. It’s no different.

MrsSpenserGregson · 30/10/2019 11:46

How would he know if you'd blocked him? (Which you should definitely do. You already know that he's an arse, and you don't need to be receiving random booty calls from him in future).

Hope your DS is OK.

OnlineShopping · 30/10/2019 11:47

I hope your DS is much better soon.

Just think of it as being good of him to show you what he is like before you got further invested.

MrsSpenserGregson · 30/10/2019 11:48

@Loveablers I think the OP was expecting the guy to, y'know, act like a normal decent polite human and actually reply to her message, ask how her DS was, and propose a re-do in future when her DS is better. Given that she already knows him, and is not a stranger. That's what a nice person would do!

AryaStarkWolf · 30/10/2019 11:49

I don’t get all the posters slagging him off confused

you cancelled the date, OP. Why are you expecting him to do all the running and initiating conversation?

I didn't get the impression that the OP is expecting him to do any running at all....just to respond to her message where she tells him her young child is sick?

JacquesHammer · 30/10/2019 12:09

you cancelled the date, OP. Why are you expecting him to do all the running and initiating conversation?

There’s no indication that she was. She merely expected a reply that matches convention surely.

“I can’t come my child is sick”
“Oh dear, hope they’re better soon”

It isn’t a difficult or unusual process!