Man I like sent me flirty text - what now?

[butterflyFed]

I am feeling butterflies but also feeling clueless since I have been out of the game for over 10 years, so I need some hand-holding and advice to not make a fool of myself.

A couple of months ago, a new guy joined our company. The first time we met, I felt he looked at me "differently", but also maybe surprised since I am a woman in a male dominated field.

I have invited him to join our after work drinks but he didn't and also cut our chat short at 5 as he had to leave (company chat can be accessed from personal phones though).

Fast forward and he quit today. I sent him a message to keep in touch and gave him my number. This afternoon I received an "anonymous" message asking me to guess who it was. I replied another secret admirer and he was flirty saying things like I am hot and he will be hitmen for Halloween.

How do I go from here to a drink/date??

@simone1863 you nailed it, what an insight! Haha it is positive to be cautious but not paranoid.
It is confirmed it is him and that he was asking for a date. I also like that he asked for coffee and not drinks but I plan on checking with my female friend who was in his team about his personality.

So... after the invitation I asked if he was suggesting a blind date, he answered to the effects of "yes, I am testing my luck" (in reference to our previous message). I decided to reply today asking him to confirm who he is, but I guess he couldn't wait and worried when I didn't say anything and he sent another message saying that he needed to come collect some stuff from the office and just coffee was also cool. So I replied that now that the field was even, I would love to do the game cafe

Hopefully he doesn't regret the offer and now tries to arrange the day. My self esteem is a roller coaster due to situation with ex, and this morning I can't shake the feeling about age. He is like Bruce Willis hair-wise but I usually work with very young people and I blend in, so I have been shocked before. I am 36, according to his resume he is probably 28. I was married to a person 8 years older than me and have usually dated in that range. However, after divorce, it has been a 180° turn.

Ha ha brilliant 😂 I guess the moral of the story is don't overthink it, at the moment you're just two ex colleagues meeting for a coffee and there's been a bit of flirty banter , but if you're meant to get together it will happen ... good luck!

So after the text exchange two weeks ago, some excitement built up and I was expecting to arrange the date for that weekend. But Friday arrived without any new messages and I decided: 1) drinks with colleagues and 2) not to message again since I had taken enough initiative and told him I would love to meet - ball in his court imo.

Fast forward, I went to a conference today. I met a lot of former colleagues and had a great time all around, and at some point thought of MrSecretAdmirer and why he wasn't there. He must have received a cosmic message because he messaged me when I got home. He told me that his schedule had been hectic and if we could meet sometime this week.

I am a single mom with a narcissist litigious ex so my life is hectic and chaotic and I have learnt not to assume since myself can spend days or weeks without getting back to people.

But it has been two weeks... he was let go of work, so I don't doubt he must been busy and probably stressed. He was not paid for 2 months... So probably lots going on for him.

However I asked my manager/friend and another colleague why MrSecretAdmirer had left and both said that he really didn't show up for work . His work history doesn't have gaps and he has been in all his companies for years but this is quite off-putting. He also said that he had been sick.

Benefit of the doubt or not? After all I can decide him to be a friend or laboral networking anyway, right?

Honest opinion is that this all seems like hard work and there are Red Flags.

You need someone who is going to be reliable and open, especially after your ex-H who was a narc. I'd move on.

He sounds shady.

I'd forget about this man if I were you.

So after the text exchange two weeks ago, some excitement built up and I was expecting to arrange the date for that weekend. But Friday arrived without any new messages and I decided: 1) drinks with colleagues and 2) not to message again since I had taken enough initiative and told him I would love to meet - ball in his court imo.

Exactly right. You'd told him you wanted to meet up. You were expecting him to follow up. He didn't. At all. He didn't even drop you a line to say sorry been caught up this week, let's do it next week. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

Does this say interested man? I don't think so.

at some point thought of MrSecretAdmirer and why he wasn't there.

Don't lie to us. We see through you. You obsessed about him all day about whether he was there and kept a keen eye out constantly to see if you'd missed him.

He must have received a cosmic message because he messaged me when I got home.

I'm hoping this is tongue in cheek but sorry it sounds like you are still seeking signs this is meant to be. There is no cosmic message.

He told me that his schedule had been hectic and if we could meet sometime this week.

Sounds a bit like he's keeping his options open. If he was interested and polite he'd have let you know earlier.

If you want to, if he follows up go out and see what happens.

I'd probably not bother because you are massively over invested in him and far more keen than he is. This is never a good starting point because he won't change, you'll keep hoping he will and you'll get hurt but not after much anxiety and posting here.

If you do decided to go, you much approach it with an eye of you care far more than he does and lean back. Don't rush to call him after the date or tell him what a great place he picked or how much you love the colour of his eyes or how you are still laughing at his jokes. Wait for him to make the next move and see if he bothers.

My advice: forget this man and start dating others.

Don't lie to us. We see through you. You obsessed about him all day about whether he was there and kept a keen eye out constantly to see if you'd missed him.

I don't know why you got that impression... Obsessed! My darling, I don't know the guy. I find him attractive (my POV - he is probably the least hot guy by general standards) and I don't even know anything about him to "like him". There is some comfort about knowing him IRL as opposed to all the garbage in OLD.

I fear I seem overinvested because I posted here before a first date. I am excited, yes, and I am insecure, yes. Maybe I needed reassurance that I would not make a fool of myself thinking he was asking me out. Invested?? I haven't written in two weeks and I am wondering if I should bother coming (if I am interested in someone like this). That doesn't sound invested to me. But thank you for all your answers. I realize I picked a narcissist jerk for a husband so I trust random's opinion on the internet more than I trust mine. And I don't want to waste my time with someone that a "normal" not traumatized person can see easily through.