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Original poster

Man I like sent me flirty text - what now?

57 replies

butterflyFed · 28/10/2019 21:55

I am feeling butterflies but also feeling clueless since I have been out of the game for over 10 years, so I need some hand-holding and advice to not make a fool of myself.

A couple of months ago, a new guy joined our company. The first time we met, I felt he looked at me "differently", but also maybe surprised since I am a woman in a male dominated field.

I have invited him to join our after work drinks but he didn't and also cut our chat short at 5 as he had to leave (company chat can be accessed from personal phones though).

Fast forward and he quit today. I sent him a message to keep in touch and gave him my number. This afternoon I received an "anonymous" message asking me to guess who it was. I replied another secret admirer and he was flirty saying things like I am hot and he will be hitmen for Halloween.

How do I go from here to a drink/date??

OP posts:
Glitterb · 29/10/2019 11:13

Ask him out for a coffee/drink and see what he says!

I don’t think he has done anything wrong or acted like a player! Good luck!

MissBPotter · 29/10/2019 11:21

I would just carry on the flirty messages (the hitmen comment sound a bit odd but it is out of context on here) and see if he asks you for a drink. If he hasn’t got the wherewithal to do that I wouldn’t be interested, after all you messaged him and gave him your number and suggested coffee.

AnuvvaMuvva · 29/10/2019 12:17

Ask him out for a coffee/drink and see what he says!

The OP already did! They've "agreed" to coffee via her LinkedIn messages. I really don't think she could do much more to move this along without appearing way more invested than he is.

managedmis · 29/10/2019 12:23

Have you given any other men your number?

If no, surely you can be certain it's him?

PicsInRed · 29/10/2019 13:05

He sounds married.

AliciaQuays · 29/10/2019 13:09

Lol at but he might want sex

Let’s fucking hope he does 🙄

Cheeseandwin5 · 29/10/2019 13:11

Just take the bull by the horns, and invite him out. The days when women had to sit around and wait to be asked out, have hopefully gone, although it does seem there are plenty here who think like that.
Don't over think it, you will only talk yourself out of it.

Loveablers · 29/10/2019 13:28

Have you posted about him recently? I’m sure there was a recent thread about the IT guy

Anyway - you’re overthinking all this. Just ask him outright if he wants to meet for a drink and arrange a time and date.

BrassTactical · 29/10/2019 13:31

WhatsApp is your friend, add his number to it and he may have a photo or name on there so ou can confirm it’s him?

I don’t think he’s done anything wrong don’t know why PPs are so anti!

HollowTalk · 29/10/2019 13:42

But you don't know it's him, so don't act as though it is him. It could be anyone!

FavouriteSoul · 29/10/2019 14:31

What if it's not him? What if it's another nerdy IT guy who's got your number from somewhere? I certainly wouldn't be flirting back or suggesting a meeting until you've confirmed it's your ex colleague.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/10/2019 14:38

If you've got his number, put it in WhatsApp and see what comes up?

I'd be suspicious of a man without WhatsApp these days if I'm honest; combined with them not confirming who they are.

I think he's hankering for an invite out on Halloween Smile

Ohyesiam · 29/10/2019 14:41

I’m surprised some people think it’s not him. Op says she’s rusty at dating, she’s not likely to have given her number to anyone else.

ExcitedForFuture · 29/10/2019 14:53

Good god MNetters are capable of making something out of absolutely nothing!

Sounds fine OP. You have him your number via linked in and shortly after received a message about a 'secret' admirer. Can't see how its not him. This totally sounds like flirting. Go for a drink and Friday and keep us updated!

And ignore all the doom and gloom on here from those who know zero about the situation.

MissLadyM · 29/10/2019 15:41

It's the fact that he isn't just asking you out. Calling you 'hit' etc suggests it's a shag situation.

Stillsexystillsingle · 29/10/2019 18:41

Yes I agree, you've flirted over text now I would say take a step back and let him ask you out, I wouldn't ask him out. Worst case scenario is he's misinterpreted your attempts to be friendly and include him in after work drinks etc as you coming onto him so he's now trying his luck. If he's hanging back waiting for you to ask him out something's a bit off and it suggests he's just wanting a laugh, attention and/or easy sex. Hitman for Halloween sounds to me like he's sounding you out as to whether you're going to sleep with him for Halloween he's just talking sex and he's either serious about wanting it or just amusing himself by having a flirt he doesn't seem interested in an actual date with you to me, if he wanted one he would ask surely. Not telling you who it is, that's not playing fair and it's again a bit off and disrespectful. Does he know you're single? Do you know he's single? There's too many questions and not enough answers, a guy who genuinely was interested in you would be more upfront with you surely, I would be very wary!

Original poster
butterflyFed · 29/10/2019 23:36

Ow wow, so many messages!! I will try to clarify a couple of things that are repeated:

Warning: I am usually terrible at picking clues. I practically met a "best friend" daily for over a year before he had to spell it out for me and I was still surprised that he was interested in me.

So here is my view of the three or four times we have interacted.
No: work related chat was ended at 5 since he was going home.
Yes: the way he looked at me the first time was definitely telling.
Yes: at the company meeting he purposely looked for an extra chair to put beside me when there were empty seats and his team mates were in another spot. We were looking at a presentation and I was sitting behind a column lol
No: he left due to emergency with his bank and didn't take the offer to come for after work drinks once resolved.

He is not married (don't know if single but no girls in social media) and definitely not dangerous/creep. He is not unknown to me, I know him in a professional capacity and no, I have not given my number out to anybody else. All been said here is relating to the guy I know, if it happens to be different from the guy texting (that I will then obviously ignore).

The text exchange: I messaged him through LinkedIn to ask what happened, he told me why he left. Then I said we should grab coffee sometime, he said definitely. Then I left my phone number. That afternoon I received an innocent text and I believe I initiated the flirting/anonymous thing. Was something like this:
H: hi, guess who am I
Me: Oh no, another secret admirer
H: must be tough been hot, but you still need to guess
Me: I will call you "123" (a reference to something we share/know)
H: just need to take out 122 others... For Halloween I am going to be Hitmen and tattoo 123 (hitmen is a reference to a movie, he is not a killer)
Me: trick or treat... Tell me 123 rang a bell
H: no tricks but may just be getting something sweet. I liked the 123 reference

We are both in IT, both weird, and my interpretation is that the above was flirty. I may be completely wrong ROTFL
No further texts. I want to meet the office guy (will arrange through verified channels).

OP posts:
Original poster
butterflyFed · 30/10/2019 00:03

@AnuvvaMuvva he was not paid in 2 months, talked with the company, seems they didn't agree and he quit. The weird thing would be to ask me out in the process. We work in different offices... and you know the rest

I have tried WhatsApp (active but not photo), google and Facebook. Nada! But regardless if this was him, I will send a message next Friday for that coffee :) don't want to look too eager in the meantime or too intrigued by the texts.

And yay!! Just sent me 2 messages Shock

Ok, in his last message yesterday he made a reference to lotto. I said I am not a gambler and he was feeling lucky...

No more messages since yesterday until right now... Almost 8pm (I am in North America)

He is indeed feeling lucky... Finding that love to accentuate the hate Halloween Confused

At this point... not meant to dripfeed but English is my second language and I am so confused with the full convo

OP posts:
Original poster
butterflyFed · 30/10/2019 01:04

And new message inviting me to a board game cafe Grin This cafe is a popular place for dates Blush

I guess I now need to confirm who the hell is inviting me!

But I also wonder what this exchange was about... question to ask in person? Because if I should be assuming anything sexual from the exchange I need to be aware Hmm

OP posts:
Knightinslightlytarnished · 30/10/2019 01:18

don't want to look too eager in the meantime or too intrigued by the texts.
And yay!! Just sent me 2 messages

You are way too over invested at this stage which usually leads to trouble. Dial it down. Seriously.

Original poster
butterflyFed · 30/10/2019 01:33

Yes, I am excited. Been single for 4 years after my husband cheated with my best friend and left me at 9 months pregnant. Been dealing with my ex fighting me for full custody for 2 years, no matter the cost (reported me to social services, police, made up so many things). So yes, something like this is the highlight of my week. I just go from home to work and from bad news to worse. I am drained financially and I am shocked I didn't lose my job or my mind yet.

Sorry about the rant, but yes, I am excited, a lot. But just about the event. I am a slow burner, and I know nothing about the guy. I am good there Smile

OP posts:
Loveablers · 30/10/2019 01:38

Please don’t stress about looking too keen by messaging him and purposely leaving it a few days. That’s game playing

If you like him make it clear. If he gets scared off then he’s not the right guy for you

It’s nice to hear it’s put a smile on your face! Good luck Grin

Stillsexystillsingle · 30/10/2019 06:28

Aww ok I'll stop being so negative then I just think it's wise to exercise caution! Asking you to meet him at a games cafe now that's more like it! And I totally get that men want sex and can have an offbeat sense of humour and none of this is a bad thing! You've been married before I'm sure you've got this! Go for it but if you potentially want a serious relationship with this guy then just take it slowly, that way you'll find out who he is and what he wants and you won't give him your heart until he's given you his! Good luck! Smile

FavouriteSoul · 30/10/2019 08:01

Sounds like you have a date at the boardgame cafe - good luck!

simone1863 · 30/10/2019 08:46

The fact that he hasn't given his name and mentioned hitman means that he is likely in Isis. No picture on WhatsApp means he is hiding the fact that he's a narc. His texts sound like he is riddled with STIs. Get tested in case he's somehow passed them on to you through the phone. And be sure to let his wife know.

Am I doing it right? Grin

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