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Original poster

Slept with my friend

26 replies

daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 12:20

Feel so strange.

We’ve been friends for 4 years, have super similar (quite specific) interests which is why we get on. I’ve never been attracted to him but we get on well and he’s kind and caring. Just so confused that that happened (2 weeks ago) when I went to visit him. It wasn’t awkward afterwards but the next day I felt weird and messaged him saying I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship or make things awkward. He agreed and we said we’d move on and go back to normal. Been trying to figure out how I feel about it all in my head for a full two weeks and can’t get my head around it. Then he’s up my way next week (we live a couple of hours apart now) and wants to see me. I’m super nervous as I’m not sure how it will feel and I’m worried what he might say! Also for the record I’m not the sort of person to sleep around at all, hadn’t dtd in over a year and only when I’m in relationships - apart from now!! - (just to clarify so I don’t get any judgy comments!). I’m not sure what to do!! Any advice? Anyone been in this situ?

OP posts:
PaterPower · 28/10/2019 13:25

What would stop you trying a relationship? I don’t see any red flags - just that he may not be your normal type. Did you enjoy the night with him?

Confused866 · 28/10/2019 13:27

How did it end up happening, were you both drunk? Did you start feeling any attraction towards him the night it happened? Are you attracted to him now? Just trying to work out how it came about if there’s previously been no attraction there!

Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 13:32

Yeah he just isn’t my normal type looks wise and I’ve only ever thought of him as a friend so finding it strange thinking any other way if that makes sense. We weren’t drunk, we shared his bed because he lives in a bed sit (done this before it’s normal as we’re close) and we woke up cuddling, then sort of happened from there. Probably sounds silly but I’ve always thought of him as the sort of person I’d want to marry rather than as a boyfriend or a fling but as I say never felt anything beforehand. Just so confused!!! He does make me feel very safe and I’ve had some horrible experiences with guys and he’s the first person I’ve felt safe with like that if that makes sense so I think maybe that made me more open to it. Hope i’m Making sense

OP posts:
Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 13:35

Oh also he wasn’t the best in bed but I think we were both a bit nervous and ive had some horrible experiences in that area so it doesn’t bother me as much as long as I feel safe with the person. Not sure how much that would matter if something did happen with us

OP posts:
TheCanyon · 28/10/2019 13:41

Maybe try again next week? Grin

TricklBOO · 28/10/2019 13:44

I slept with my friend once. We've been married 15 years this week.

Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 13:46

@TheCanyon Haha we are going on a walk which makes me think he deffo wants to chat something over...

OP posts:
Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 13:46

@TricklBOO Aw that’s lovely!

OP posts:
Wherearemymarbles · 28/10/2019 13:55

Safe is a bit like sweet
‘Ah he is so sweet’..... but i could never fancy him.

Don’t underestimate safe, from that comes trust and without that you are nowhere.
Do over think. Just see what happens when you see him again.

billy1966 · 28/10/2019 14:05

Agree with above, nice and safe and ye share interests. What's not to like.

My dh looks nothing like the guys I traditionally fancied (loved curly hair, particularly red heads) but it was his personality that attracted me.

Be open to new experiences and new people is wise advice.

Never underestimate nice and kind! Over a long relationship they are the type of qualities that endure.

Flairhead · 28/10/2019 14:11

Yep, happened with me and a friend of mine last year. And then again about a month later. We haven't seen each other since, just because of work, life etc, but it's honestly fine. It was unexpected and we'd had a fair bit to drink, but no regrets. I did feel a little bit weird about it afterwards, but that's passed and if I bumped into him now we'd be exactly the way we were before it ever happened. You'll be fine, maybe just need a bit more time though.

chemicalworld · 28/10/2019 14:14

i've got together with a friend mine mine. He isn't what I would usually go for, but he is kind, lovely, and so far we are really happy together. Keep an open mind!

Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 14:50

Thanks so much everyone. Have no idea how he’s feeling so hoping even if he’s making it clear we are only friends I will know more after I see him next week. Spose if I’m honest with myself I haven’t thought too much about whether I like him or not cos don’t want to go off in a daydream and end up being hurt. Would way rather be friends than nothing.

OP posts:
Thatagain · 28/10/2019 15:22

Yea go for round 2. See how you feel then if you have a strong friendship then you would more then likely have a strong relationships. Good luck. I know about the strange feelings though they can make you feel a bit awkward so have a glass of wine or similar before you look at him or speak to him. If you are single then go for it as nothing is stopping you enjoy yourself.

ExcitedForFuture · 28/10/2019 17:55

Do you feel attracted to him now OP?

StarlightLady · 28/10/2019 18:24

There is nothing wrong with having sex with a goid friend. If it felt good, go for more.

True friends don’t let you down in or out of bed.

Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 18:42

Yeah I do feel more attracted to him but it would never be a casual sex thing as i’m Not really into that (normally!)

OP posts:
Confused866 · 28/10/2019 18:58

All I would add is don’t talk yourself into making it a relationship if you’re not attracted to him just because he feels ‘safe’... that will probably only end badly further down the line. See how you feel when you actually see him, but you don’t sound that excited / happy that it happened or like you’ve suddenly realised you fancy the pants off him!

Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 19:57

Thanks I needed to hear that... that’s what I’m confused about.

The day before we’d been chilling and I literally thought to myself, he’d be the ideal husband, but now I’m confused whether I like him cos I’m not massively attracted to him, but our interests are so rare it’s not like there’s lots of people like him! Am I making sense? Like I know I could love him but I’m not massively attracted to him, and I’m maybe putting walls up not wanting to start liking him if he doesn’t feel the same

OP posts:
firstoffence · 28/10/2019 20:23

Keep an open mind and go with it.
Might be the best thing that has ever happened to you!

Confused866 · 28/10/2019 20:29

Hmmm well a lot of people say it’s a good basis for a marriage and you don’t need the strong attraction / butterflies etc, but I married based on this theory and a few years on I have regrets. The lack of attraction is a problem to be honest. Be true to yourself and if you’re not feeling it then don’t get sucked into something that doesn’t feel quite right.

billy1966 · 28/10/2019 20:33

Good advice from @Confused

Don't write someone off just because they are nice, however you don't marry someone because they are nice!

It's a bonus for sure.
See how you feel when you next meet and take it from there.

LHReturns · 28/10/2019 20:39

Agree with Confused so much. Chemistry DOES matter and if it isn’t there now then I would be really careful of letting it develop. ‘Nice’ can become quite a turn off if you don’t fancy your partner.

Original poster
daffodilrosedaisy · 28/10/2019 22:00

Thanks so much for your help everyone. Still confused but it’s been good to hear advice from you all... think it’s a bit of a trade off isn’t it! I think I will just see how it feels when I see him. Sorry to hear you’re having regrets@Confused866 hope you’re okay :(

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 29/10/2019 13:28

I don't think it's ever a good idea to persuade yourself into a man, just because he seems like a 'nice guy' and there are no better current options or because he seems reliable. You may feel he'd be a 'good husband' OP but the reality is you have no idea what he's like as a partner. You've had sex and he's not even brought it up or asked to discuss it which seems like quite an immature way of dealing with it . Yes it's potentially awkward but everyones an adult IMO.

Bad sex as well? I'd be cautious OP and remember to assess it based on what you know you have right now with him as he stands, not a fantasy you've created around him where you've imagined future happiness based on him being a good/reliable/safe figure.