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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

to feel so sad about another Christmas alone?

41 replies

TheRoastPotatoDiet · 27/10/2019 20:18

Every year I think this is the year I might finally meet someone. I'm actually dreading trying to be festive because I'm so lonely Sad

My friends are all married or engaged. No one wants to do anything at Christmas because they're saving or pregnant or just plain busy.

I just want someone I could buy a present for, and for someone to do lovely Christmassy things with.

OP posts:
SonataDentata · 27/10/2019 20:19

I really sympathise as I’m in the same position. How long have you been single for?

Original poster
TheRoastPotatoDiet · 27/10/2019 20:21

I'm 32 and I've never had a relationship.

OP posts:
BlondeBarnOwl · 27/10/2019 20:22

There are lots of men out there thinking the same. Have you tried Online Dating?

Purplequalitystreet · 27/10/2019 20:22

Do you have family that you are close to?

Original poster
TheRoastPotatoDiet · 27/10/2019 20:24

I'm close to my mum and dad and I'm thankful for that, but it doesn't really fill in the missing space.

I've been OLD for the past four/five years.... nothing has ever clicked and my confidence is getting lower with every crappy date.

OP posts:
peardrops1 · 27/10/2019 20:35

Oh OP, I get it - Christmas in particular can be such a horrible time. I know it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment, but 32 is incredibly young and loads of people finally meet the right person (or rather a right person) in their thirties once you know who you are (unlike twenties, which are a shit show for a lot of people!). Please don't feel too discouraged. When you say you've had lots of rubbish dates, was there anything in particular that has been holding you back from liking any of these men? I'm absolutely not suggesting you should settle for someone you don't really like but it might be worth having a careful think about what you actually want from a relationship, and what your expectations are. You could even consider doing this with the help of a coubsellor, if that's an option for you. Sending hugs.

peardrops1 · 27/10/2019 20:37

P.s. I can also see I've just assumed you're looking for a man rather than a woman, but actually you haven't specified - sorry for my assumption.

Original poster
TheRoastPotatoDiet · 27/10/2019 20:49

Thank you for being so understanding Flowers

There was one man that I found really easy to get along with. I would have liked to have seen him more, but he moved to London and that was that!

I know I'm not an easy person to get to know. I'm shy and I'm a homebody, plus there's the whole other issue of the lack of relationships. But there must be someone out there that wouldn't mind!

OP posts:
SalemShadow · 27/10/2019 21:01

Have you read "why men love bitches"? I agree with it. Men love a challenge. Not saying you are being too nice and agreeable but might be worth a read! Grin

user1486131602 · 27/10/2019 21:03

Someone in my area has put a post on Facebook saying in good humour that he going to be ‘ Billy no mates on Christmas Day, anyone else in the area going to be the same? Man or woman, get in touch and we will do it together doesn’t matter how many or few, just wanted to reach out’

There are so many people alone at Christmas I thought this was genuinely lovely.
Would it be something you feel you could do? Might find some new friends at the very least!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 27/10/2019 21:11

There are many lonely people - especially at Christmas. Have your tried:

  • a singles group in the church of your faith
  • volunteering for something on Christmas (feeding the homeless, etc.)
where the other volunteers are likely alone on the day too.
  • visiting in nursing homes or hospital wards
  • delivering home baked treats to your neighbors or your parents' neighbors. Even if you don't find a love interest you might find a friend.
peardrops1 · 27/10/2019 21:16

In response to your anxiety about not having had a relationship before, I really don't think this will be an issue to most men. It might feel like a big problem in your head but in reality no one's an expert at relationships - you have to start again with each new person. So remember that whichever man you do end up dating might have had previous girlfriends but he will be a beginner when it comes to you!

ConfCall · 27/10/2019 21:25

I’m assuming that it’s not about being alone on Christmas Day (you mention lovely parents) but about being single during the festive period, when there seems to be couples everywhere; pushing prams, holding hands, browsing the food aisles, sorting out each other’s presents etc etc etc. It can bring things into sharp focus. I felt like you when I was in my late twenties so I sympathise, although I was more outgoing than you I think. All you can do is keep busy and open-hearted, and hope that you click with somebody.

AdaColeman · 27/10/2019 21:25

I'll be on my own for Christmas, and it can be very lonely.

I try to plan things that will make the day a bit special and that I know I will enjoy. Even small things like a new book or new DVD can be looked forward to, and can brighten up the day.

Looking longer term, have you thought about Meet-up groups or hobby classes/groups for something that you are interested in?

A local choir could be a good way to meet new people too.

Original poster
TheRoastPotatoDiet · 27/10/2019 21:28

I’m assuming that it’s not about being alone on Christmas Day (you mention lovely parents) but about being single during the festive period

Yes, that's really what I mean. I won't be alone on Christmas Day and I know I'm lucky, but I'd really love to join in with all the coupley things. Even just to sit at the work do and be able to say 'I've met someone' rather than dreading the 'seeing anyone' question.

I think I will try to plan special small things I can enjoy, that's a really good idea.

OP posts:
TheJHD · 27/10/2019 21:32

You can buy me a present if you like 😂

georgialondon · 27/10/2019 21:33

Keep on keeping on with online dating. It really is just a number game. You'll meet someone great if you keep actively looking. And you only need to find 1, it will happen.

Slimfast89 · 27/10/2019 21:33

I've just split from my partner of 20yrs. He's refusing to leave so he's living in MY bedroom till he finds somewhere to live. Wish I'd never agreed to that.
Point is that even though he's still here I've never felt so lonely😢

Original poster
TheRoastPotatoDiet · 27/10/2019 21:44

I know you can be lonely in different scenarios. I hope things look up for both of us soon.

And you only need to find 1, it will happen.

I hope so. I really really do.

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Jane1978xx · 27/10/2019 22:15

I’m separated now but I always used to do Christmas things with friends anyway. Do you have friends to go and do things with ? Or what about trying a Christmas craft class ? Or volunteering at somewhere that does xmas parcels for the needy. I can honestly say you don’t need a man to do anything. You need friends or in the process of making friends to feel useful and needed by someone.

ShatnersWig · 27/10/2019 22:49

Have you read "why men love bitches"? I agree with it. Men love a challenge.

As a man, Salem, can I just say, for this man at least, that is total bollocks. I do not love a challenge. I'm 45 and left behind playing silly games when I stopped being a teenager.

I hear you, OP, this will be my 10th Xmas alone. It's shit.

Stillfunny · 28/10/2019 01:05

I have to have my cheating DH in my house, including Xmas.And a full house with adult DCs where I will have to put on a show for their sakes.
Point is , all those people you see are not always as together as you think.Loneliness occurs with lots of people.
Hopefully, you will meet the right person for you and be glad you waited and didn't settle.
But you do have to put yourself out there.Nobody will come knocking on your door. Hope you do meet someone soon.Flowers

HollaMe · 28/10/2019 10:11

I feel exactly the same OP. All id say is that not everyone who has lots of people around them has a happy or enjoyable Christmas. In fact I ca vouch for that myself after many Christmases in the wrong relationship! I do get what you mean though about hoping it will change then another Christmas arrives and it feels still the same. It’s like a marker. But really it’s just one day to get through. My advice would be to do something nice for you, is there anywhere you want to go or anything you could treat yourself to? And maybe save it up for January as a well done for getting through it. Another thing could be doing something nice for charity, there’s those shoeboxes you can prepare and send to children without anything at Christmas. That’s a feel good thing.

But really, I know how you feel and it’s hard. Be kind to yourself and remember you are not alone.

JacquesHammer · 28/10/2019 13:28

Have you a local MeetUp scene OP? The one in my nearest city runs various fun events in the run up to christmas.

dottiedodah · 28/10/2019 14:02

Local Churches often have things going on over Christmas .They are usually very welcoming .It is difficult if youre shy ,but it would mean being able to meet some new friends .Even if you just find someone nice to talk to . The whole thing about Christmas ,is that it seems to be full of "smiling happy people" but this is misleading ! Many people dread it ! the cost, the enforced jollity and so on .It has become a commercial enterprise rather than a holy day with loved ones ,which is a shame "