Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband has just told me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore

50 replies

Keeoe · 26/10/2019 16:43

That he's unhappy. That he doesn't want to be with me anymore. That he's been thinking it for a while. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I feel so alone. I desperately want to see him, to talk to him, but he's gone to stay at his office as he wants to 'get his head straight' and doesn't want to see me like this. I had no idea this was coming. I'm just sitting here going between sobbing and being in stunned shock. I'm not sure why I'm posting tbh. I dont have too much RL support so just after a kind listening ear I suppose. I feel so alone. He was the one person I thought I could count on.

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 26/10/2019 16:45

I'm so sorry Flowers I would give yourself a little time to process and then start looking into financials and what will come next. Has there been any sign that this was coming?

Lovely of him to drop this on you and then go out Hmm

RandomMess · 26/10/2019 16:47

Gone to his office on a Saturday ConfusedHmm

VictoriaBun · 26/10/2019 16:52

Sorry to hear this has come completely out of the blue for you.
You are quite rightly devastated and upset. Do you have children with you ? And if so are they ok at the moment ? Can they go and stay with someone. Can you ?
Hopefully he will come back tomorrow so you can at least talk it through, he would be a complete bastard if he doesn't, but then again I suppose he is anyway.

Choice4567 · 26/10/2019 16:52

Well goodness no why would he want to see what he’s done to you? Horrible man

Original poster
Keeoe · 26/10/2019 16:53

@RandomMess he's self employed and has a studio space with sofas, tv, facilities etc. Dont want to say more as could be (even more!) outing.

OP posts:
Yeahnahyeah1 · 26/10/2019 16:54

He’s gone to stay at his office? Hmm gone to stay somewhere maybe but I think it likely it may well be someone else’s bed. The bastard. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

plantainchips · 26/10/2019 16:57

There’s no need to name call OP’s husband. I’ve never understood that. He’s perfectly within his rights, just like we all are, to end a relationship. So the name calling is so unnecessary.

I’m so sorry, OP. I know you said you don’t have much RL support but if you could speak to someone IRL about it will really help. Do you have children? He needs to have a open conversation with you about where to go from here!

fatulousatforty · 26/10/2019 16:57

I'm so sorry you are going through this .

There will be a other woman somewhere

Dowser · 26/10/2019 16:58

Had the same bombshell
Had the same lies
And err no..his 5am walks along a cold, wet windy beach were total lies
He was shacked up with another woman and I was the fool for believing him

What I should have done was saved my tears for when alone
Packed up his stuff in bin bags and said..where shall I take it office, skip, charity shop, OW you choose

Get tough,
Get ducks in a row..because you know what sweetheart he’s mules ahead of you..and you’ve been slammed into a brick wall

Make sure he can’t empty bank accounts

Put debt on joint credit cards
Take out finance for anything in your name

I’m sorry but he’s the enemy now

Dowser · 26/10/2019 16:59

Miles ahead of you

Dowser · 26/10/2019 17:04

Yes he has every right to end a relationship
What he doesn’t have the right to do is to lie to you. Cheat on you. Steal from the joint purse.
Hedge his bets
Make life as difficult and as complicated for you as he can
Treat you with anything less than respect
Squirrel away money that if it goes before a judge will leave you financially impoverished

This all happens which is why I’m sharing my bitter truth

Majorcollywobble · 26/10/2019 17:04

So sorry x what a terrible shock . No wonder you’re reaction is extreme . You love him and trust him and the rug has been pulled out from under you . Don’t do what I did please . Confide in a parent or a sibling if you can. You need to talk it through to try and make some sense of what and why it’s happened . When this happened to me I kept it to myself hoping he’d change his mind but that didn’t happen .
If you have no one you can trust chatting on here will help to organize your thoughts .

PlasticPatty · 26/10/2019 17:04

@Dowser is right.
I'm sorry.
It was long ago for me but I remember. It's awful. Go into killer mode and smash the bastard into the ground. Don't let him make your position any worse than it has to be.

Original poster
Keeoe · 26/10/2019 17:06

We have no children together luckily. I feel like theres a bomb gone off. I had no inkling this was on the cards at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Keeoe · 26/10/2019 17:08

I've called my dad and he's cancelled his plans and is coming over to see me. I feel so desperately alone.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 26/10/2019 17:12

OP if you get this moved to the Relationship board, you'll get loads of support and advice. One poster there with a very similar story right now.

plantainchips · 26/10/2019 17:12

@Dowser
Did I miss something ? I don’t recall OP mentioning that happened to her ? Is this a continuation from another thread ?

FFSnotanotherone · 26/10/2019 17:20

Sorry to hear this op. Same happened to me a few years ago (he wasn't cheating). You will feel better but for a while you're going to feel like shit. Surround yourself with friends and family.

Original poster
Keeoe · 26/10/2019 17:20

It's not a continuation @plantainchips. I've asked for the thread to be moved to Relationships. Thank you so much for the kind words everyone.

OP posts:
FFSnotanotherone · 26/10/2019 17:23

I don't agree with 'killer mode' and 'smash the bastard'. That way bitterness lies. Take care of yourself of course but I can't imagine making a painful split even more painful will help you op.

PlasticPatty · 26/10/2019 17:25

I don't agree with 'killer mode' and 'smash the bastard'
Anger is more productive than moderation, in this situation.

stucknoue · 26/10/2019 17:32

Thanks. Hugs

It's shocking isn't it... I'm 8 months on and we've properly split. "Wants something different" "loves but not in love" all cliches that I read on here most days, men suck! Firstly you need to talk, is counselling an option? Then if you are going to separate you need to get practical, both of you putting the kids needs front and centre. Do pm me if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on (you might even be near me in real life). You are strong and deserve to be loved remember you are amazing!

OneKeyAtATime · 26/10/2019 17:35

Why smash him into the ground? At this stage, there is no indication the split can't be amicable. Isn't it the best outcome OP may hope for (assuming the marriage is over and there is no hope for fixing it)?

OrchidInTheSun · 26/10/2019 17:57

Everyone has the right to end a relationship but everyone who gets married has a responsibility to try and make that marriage work. Telling your wife you're leaving her out of the blue and that you've been unhappy for ages is cowardly and pathetic.

And men don't leave relationships to be on their own. They leave for another woman.

Every bloody time.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/10/2019 17:57

I'm so sorry.

Be mentally prepared for him to reveal a girlfriend rather quickly.